The "G" word
I don't say the G word to him. I can't. I can write it, type it, hell, if I knew how, I bet I could sign it - no problem. I can say 'goodbye' to other people without issue. But not him.
I start to cry just thinking about speaking the word to him. I can't do it. It just hurts too much. I've done it too many times and it hurts every time, so I just don't anymore. It still hurts when he leaves, but at least I don't start sobbing til afterwards. I'm doing pretty good here, didn't break down yet, the kids are around, and they don't need to see that. A few tears is fine, they've seen that, but the big sobbing snotty blob of a mess I'm gonna be tonight after they go to bed, yeah, they do not need to see their mom like that.
I hate doing that, what we did today. Especially since I have no real idea when I will see him again. I don't know what he will be doing over there after their regular mission shit is over, and they go into "extension" mode. Will his job change? Will he have to move to another base? Will he be as (relatively) safe as he is in his current location? I hate not knowing things.
I have changed my user names in various locations online to things like "Pissed Off Wife" and "Military Leaders Suck Ass" and my personal favorite "I hate the military" Cuz I do, ya know. I hate them.
3 comments:
Good bye must have been excrutiating. I don't know if I've ever said it to anyone other than telephone type stuff. I don't want to know.
Will your hubby retire from military? They do have good pensions. I'm sure that's not what is on your mind right now though.
Let it all out tonight when the kiddos go to bed. It is good to release all that. LET IT OUT! Cry until you can't cry anymore.
Yeah, that's the ironic thing, Flat, we were planning on him reenlisting when he got back over there from leave. He needs to sign up for 3 more years, then he's got his 20 in, and he is outta there! He said after hearing about the extension that he's gonna have a real hard time signing on that dotted line. But he will, for the pension, and the (tax free) bonus for reenlisting. Not that it's all about money, of course, cuz if it were, he'd sign up for 6 years and get the $15,000 bonus. He's doing the bare minimum to get us set up for our "later years"
He is so miserable, he really hates it,and I do not blame him a bit. I can't even begin to tell him that I understand, because I don't. I can only tell him that I love him, and will support any decision he makes.
You're right. We have NO CLUE what those guys & gals go through. I support you both.
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