First words

Ok, I have a theory, and I want to test it.

What's the first thing you say OUT LOUD in the morning? I suggest that the first words you say out loud in the morning say A LOT about the kind of person you are...

Now, for me, it's almost exactly the same thing every morning. See, I get up at 5am, quietly so as to not wake up the hubby. I put on my slippers sweatpants and open the bedroom door to release the dogs from our bedroom, where they sleep. Not on the bed, that's rude, but I digress...

Out in the dining room, I grab my jacket, it's winter in Minnesota, after all. Zip up, grab one of the kids' hats, if it's nearby, basically, bundle up...

I take them out the back door, light a cigarette, and open the gate into the back yard for them to go potty. I look at the stars (unless it's cloudy, which it has been quite a bit lately, again, digression!) and I smoke one cigarette. Takes about 5 minutes. At this point, I still have not said a word out loud. Lots of thoughts going through my head, thinking about my day, what's going on, what work will be like, if there's anything on the calendar for the afternoon, stuff like that.

When I finish my cigarette, I finally speak: "C'mon girls"
See, I'm done out there, it's cold, I want to go back in. They are usually dilly-dallying, playing in the snow, and of course, TCOB... but they're never ready when I am.

My first spoken words are those of impatience.
Patience is a virtue. A virtue I am not blessed with.

Now, I'd like anyone and everyone who reads this to think about it... first words you speak OUT LOUD most mornings... and does it "fit" you? I think it's sweet if someone out there says "I say "I love you" to the person next to me"... but sometimes, that's just not practical. Such is the case in my life. I get up at 5, hubby doesn't have to get up til after 6... I refuse to wake him up just to tell him I love him... he knows. But if y'all out there wake up together and exchange sweet nuthins first off, great, good for you... maybe a tinge of jealousy here, but whatever.

So, anyone else wanna share? Whatcha blabbin' first off? Does it describe you at all?

The last supper

um, let me finish:

The last supper we had here as a family, Thursday night was amazing!
We are a busy family, and to sit down all 5 of us together is rare. And for my 3 teens to sit in a room and NOT verbally abuse each other in the name of humor is even more rare.

Thursday was Veterans Day. JP had the day off, and I left work shortly after noon. nudge nudge, wink, wink.

ANYWAY... so I made pork chops,mashed potatoes and corn for supper. All the kids were there. We sat AT THE TABLE, with real plates, not paper and had a meal together.

Now, let me interrupt myself and say that, at times, I feel like the only adult in the family. I feel like I actually have 4 kids. One is just unusually big, and sleeps with me at night.

Back to the dinner table: We were doing the usual, "how was your day" "what did you do today?" when suddenly my husband blurts out (loudly) "...and I was like 'Emilio'!"

He quotes stupid lines from movies folks. Often. But he usually does it when it would fit into the conversations. Not this time.

Recognize the line? Said by Chris Katan. Or maybe it was Will Ferrell.
He watched Night at the Roxbury Thursday morning before I got home.

Of course, the kids recognized the reference, and burst into laughter. And then it became a contest of who could blurt it out best, or come up with the next line, or randomly blurt out some other movie line that would make everyone laugh.

I tried to maintain order, it IS my job. I gave a half-hearted effort to scold JP and get the kids back to eating their dinner. I didn't try too hard, I just had to make it LOOK like I was still in charge.

At one point, it went like this:

Me: JP, will you please quit getting them all
JP: EMIIIIIILIO!!!!
Kids: laughter
me... giving up. Let them go, they're having fun. So was I. Just watching them. Our family may have it's issues, problems with normal teenager things, but in the end, we can still sit down together and be us.

am I the only one?

who wonders "is this it? is this really what my life is?"

I know it's dumb to whine that. I know that if a person doesn't particularly like something, they have the power to change it. usually. It's not even that I don't like my life, I do. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my home and pets, I even love my minivan.

But part of me still wonders if I'm missing something. No, that's not even it, I KNOW I am missing something. I just don't know what it is. How can you miss something without even knowing what you're missing? It's just a feeling, or a lack of a feeling, like a void.

I just have a had time accepting that MY life is going to consist of working hard, working long hours, just to keep my head above water, just seems like all work and no play make nik... depressed.

And the stupid thing is, I did just have an uber-fun long weekend, and there's a small glimmer of hope attached to it.

Maybe I am just impatient (not 'maybe'... I AM impatient, I admit that) maybe I would never be fully happy, maybe I'm one of those 'grass is greener' idiots who, upon getting TO the greener grass, keeps looking and longing for greener grass. It's never enough, I am just that selfish?

I have a job, and I can go to it every stinkin' day, and because of that, I can pay bills, and I can live in the home that I love. I should shut up and be happy about that, so many people don't have that... but still....

Ok, I've played my own Devil's Advocate and I've tried to stop my whiny vent, or venti whine, depending on how you look at it, I guess.
I just needed to get it out of my head so that maybe I can go to sleep tonight when I turn out the light. Because, it starts all over again tomorrow, work and earn, spend and send. lather, rinse, repeat.

Oh hell, my life is a shampoo bottle.

FIRST time's a charm?

I've been pretty lucky in my life with firsts.

My first attempt at the speech competition, back in the 10th grade netted me a trip to State Competition.

My first 'real' (meaning it lasted more than 6 months!) boyfriend turned into my husband of over 17 years, still going strong.

My first wedding dress try-on was a perfect fit, a perfect dress. Never even looked at another, found the perfect one right away.

My first marriage... yeah, see the previous two 'firsts'... picked a winner right out of the gate.

My first child... a son, exactly what I wanted. Of course, he's not perfect, but he's exactly what I wanted in a kid... funny, sarcastic, smart, (usually) honest with me, he's a good kid, I actually LIKE him, as a person!

Yesterday I sent off my first draft of my manuscript to an agent. For the first time. I have heard horror stories of people sending off hundreds of queries, submitted to hundreds of agents, and getting hundreds of what I like to call "Loser Letters"... you know, those "thanks but no thanks" computer generated snubs...

Now, don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes all up on this one. Hell, I started the book so long ago (17 days short of 20 years actually! Yup, wrote those first words on my 18th birthday) that if I was really that nutso about getting my book published, I'd have been A LITTLE more 'on the ball'...

But I can't help but think about those wonderful firsts... and how selfish of me to wish for just.one.more.

Can you believe this crap?

got inspired to poke my head back in here.
Don't know how long it will last.
May just open a new home,
Hang my shingle a little farther down the road.
But I wanted to come by, say hello to the old place.

I miss Scott.
And Phil.
And Stephanie.
And I don't really miss Flat right now, since I'm sleeping in her spare bedroom.
I miss her blog though.

I got an idea for a new one.
Not so much geared for the hubby while he's away.
He's home now.
For good.
Good.

If I get it up and running, maybe I'll list it on here as a link.

I won't do it for a few days, got a long weekend going on here, having too much fun messing around in the humidity down 'round these parts.

When I get home to the birch trees and lakes and get back in my groove thang, maybe I will tell you about my long weekend...