Frustrated
I don't want to see pictures of hell. It's bad enough that he has to live there.
I wigged out a bit. I was trying to do laundry, fucking dog gate in the laundry room doorway to keep the dogs from eating cat shit. I'm sick of tripping over it, and banging my shins on it. He had a slide show running on the big screen TV of pictures he'd taken over there. I don't care. He also had (has) music playing really loud. I don't like it. It is shitty music. The pictures are awful and disturbing and scary. I don't want to see them. I don't understand why he wants to see them. He's away from there, why would he want to see that place when he's supposed to be taking a break from it??
I got mad. I was trying to lift two laundry baskets over the fucking dog gate and it tripped me YET AGAIN... and that fucking music, and those horrible pictures... did I mention it's a big (fucking BIG) screen TV??
I got over the gate, after spilling the laundry (clean laundry, onto a floor with several golden retrievers in the house, do ya really think the carpet was clean? Of course not!) I had some aggression and I let it out... on the gate. I kicked it, and of course, in the process, it kicked back. My left shin is now turning purple and hurts like hell.
I don't want him to go back there, and I don't want him looking at pictures of THERE, because what? does he miss it? I could understand if it was a bunch of pictures of our vacation to Mexico, but photo after photo of Iraq? I don't get it. Why would he want to see that when he's away from it? It's not a good place, people die there, people he knew for crying out loud! I just don't get it.
I'm sick of missing him, even when he's here.
4 comments:
Oh!! I am so sorry. I guess he looks at the pictures for the same reason I still pull out me & my ex on occasion. There are probably a few good memories for him in those pictures. Maybe there is something he misses? The guys? The manly part? His job?
Talk to him about it and ask WHY he wants to look at them. It might make you feel better. Was it important to HIM that he look at his pictures? He is probably just trying to share a part of his life with you and thought you'd want to know. It's hard sweetie, I know. Just endure it for HIM. It's about HIM right now for a little while...but I'm sure the selfish part of you wants it to be about YOU right now (I'm selfish, I know!)
Sorry bout the laundry--got 2 inside dogs here too (golden & blue healer). There's no "guessing" if something might be clean when its dropped on he floor around here.
You and my mom are on the same wave length... she said pretty much exactly what you did.
Youre both right, and Im sure he was just trying to reassure me about where he "lives"... but I need to tell him that it actually had the opposite affect on me.
Thanks for your input tho, it means alot!!
Glad I can be here for you....just give him time. He'll get back into the USA swing of things before long. He's just gotta get it out of his system I think.
Have a good weekend!!
We looked at movies and pictures of our time in Jerusalem for years and years after we came back stateside. Pops even said Shukran at the table all the time...
His life experience has been very intense and all consuming. It takes quite a bit of time to disengage from that kind of intensity.
Think of it in terms of the smoking habit. There is imprinting going on in the mind that is habitual. For him, it is his relationship with a very intense and surreal place.
I understand it completely.
The music, though?
What kind of music?
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