Flashback Saturday ~ Piss on ya!

This one is not about when I was a kid. This one is about when my 13 yr old son, Alex was a baby.
This one is about the day I laughed so hard, I actually peed a little.
There's some incredible irony to that, too, as you will see.

JP and I lived in a second story apartment of an old Victorian house that had been renovated into 6 separate apartments. We had a nursery all set up for our brand new baby, our first child. It was decorated in primary colors with happy clowns. It was the Disney world of nurseries. The happiest place on Earth.

JP and I didn't have much prior experience with babies. I had a bit more than him, though. Enough to know the basics:

After eating, a baby WILL burp, so this is not the time to jostle them about; you will be vomited on.
After seeing "that studied look" on a baby's face, or following a grunting and red faced episode, the baby WILL have a loaded diaper; proceed with caution.
Never remove a diaper from a baby, especially a boy, and then carry him about creating a cool breeze to his nether regions; you will get wet.

JP learned so much from Alex. My favorite lesson he learned was on Alex's bath night. He had gotten baths before, from me. JP volunteered to help one night, Alex was about a month old. He was getting his baths in a baby tub placed on the kitchen counter right next to the sink at that age.

I went to the kitchen to prepare the bath site. JP went to the nursery to get Alex. I didn't tell him, I assumed he knew, strip the baby down to his diaper and bring him in.
I assumed wrong.
JP stripped that baby down naked in the nursery, then walked cradling him in his arms all the way through the apartment. He walked at a pace that is normal for a tall guy with long legs. Apparently that pace is enough to cause a breeze that Alex did not appreciate.

I was standing at the counter, I heard him coming. As JP entered the kitchen, I heard him scream like a girl. I turned in time to see Alex became a fountain of urine... cradled in his dad's arms, it was an arc of urine that went straight up into JP's face, and splashed down all over his shirt.

I immediately started laughing. JP was not happy, and I assume his first instinct was to thrust the offending pisser away from him. I cannot imagine the restraint it took for him to not do that. He did pull Alex up and hold him, facing away from him, under the armpits and aim him at the garbage can. He looked like one of those people who are forced to hold a baby when they don't really care for babies. Arm's length away with a look of "Ewww" on their face... I was laughing, tears streaming down my face, and crossing my legs (I had just had a baby, an 11 lb baby, a month earlier, no amount of Koegels were going to help me at that point!) and doubling over and JP was hollering at me to help him. I tried, I really did, but every time I tried to take a step over towards him, I had to uncross my legs.

So actually, the whole family ended up getting wet, all three of us. The difference was, when it was all over, Alex was the only one who smelled good.

What a pisser, ya know?
Oh, and when JP's aim of Alex's stream was inaccurate, it peeled the paint off the kitchen wall... the landlord laughed so hard when I explained why I needed to touch up that wall.