Alex's request

So here it is... my worst day as a parent. And, if I'm thinking optimistically, my best as well.

Alex came knocking at my door last night. I was chillin' in bed, playing free cell on my laptop. He is standing in the doorway and... well, here's the beginning of the conversation, as best as I can remember it:

Alex: Um, Mom, can I ask you a favor, kind of a big one?
Me: You can ASK, I can't guarantee anything (a bit of sarcastic truth here)
Alex: Could everyone be gone, like out of the house next weekend, (girlfriend's name) is coming over.
Me: That depends on what you mean by 'everyone'... if you're talking your brother and sister gone, yeah, I can probably arrange that. If you mean adults, too, then I'd have to say no.
Alex: But why?
Me: Because I KNOW what 14 year olds think they want to do if they're allowed to be alone.
Alex: Ugh, what?
Me: well, ahhhm, sex, basically.
Alex: Well, yeah, duh, I just didn't want to come out and SAY it.
(Yes, at this point, if I hadn't been lounging in my bed, I would have fallen over. Yes, you read it right, my son just asked me to vacate the house so he could BONE his girlfriend! I was speechless for a bit here... sit back and "feel" the stun with me, won't you?)

Let me preface the rest of the conversation with this: I swear. Quite a bit. And yes, I swear in front of, and on occasion AT my children. Sue me. They're my kids, if you don't approve, don't swear at YOUR kids. Now, let's rejoin the conversation, shall we? LOL

Me: Are ya kidding me? Really? Alex, you're serious? Then, gee, I guess my answer would have to be NO FUCKING WAY!!

I then asked him a few questions, and he told me that he HAD protection (this does not bother me, when I had "the talk" with him, I told him that I would always be available to get them for him... he never took me up on it) he had gotten condoms from his friends' older brother. Well, THAT kid isn't allowed in my home ever again!

I gave him the whole "You're too young" speech, and conceded that 16 would be the youngest that I would consider "ok" without me being very upset. I told him that I was 18 when I lost my virginity (and yes, that IS the truth) and he answered with this: Yeah, but you're a girl." UM, DUMBASS, SO IS your girlfriend!!
I told him that his father was 16 when he first had sex (guessing here, because Mr Romance doesn't exactly remember, but 16 helps my point, so I went with that) and Alex's response to that was this: He was probably teased about it though"

Which made me wonder about Alex's friends... I asked him. He refused to tell me the WHO, but he said that studs were the majority, while pussies were the minority. Now, I am not that far removed from teenagers, I remember the lies we told each other to make ourselves look better. So I don't know how much I believe that, but still, he is in the 8th grade... just the fact that sex is a topic, and 'gettin' some' is something they are currently working on... and MY SON HAS A CONDOM IN HIS WALLET...

OK, that's it, I don't want to be a Mom anymore, can I just quit now? It was hard when they were babies, and then it got a little easier during those middle years, and now they're turning into teens and it's going to get worse again.
I think it was the Tin Man who said "I could be wrong, but I think it's going to get worse before it gets better"
Shit...
Oh, the "best day" part of it? HE TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT. I should think about how happy it makes me that he trusts me enough to come to me. But can I get a "HOLY SHIT" from the crowd regarding the balls this kid has? I refuse to HELP him to get laid. Yes, I want him to think of me as a friend, as well as a parent... but I'm not THAT good of a friend!

christ, my head hurts....