With friends like this...

I met a girl named Corin in my summer class, she is 19, and we have/had a mutual friend, a girl who worked with me at McShithole a few years ago. Corin is nice, a bit ( A LOT) chatty, but whatever, some people just talk a lot... And very fast.

She is having boyfriend issues, and I feel like since she can't smother him anymore (he just broke up with her for smothering him--go figure) now she's decided that I am the next (victim) best thing... I have homework to do tonight, I was online going though emails and she just called. I was planning on clearing my in box, then hitting the books. Now I'm guessing I will be spending the evening listening to her talk constantly about what went wrong (I could tell her, I mean, I KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG, but I'm just too nice a person). Thing is, I may have to dump her just like Brandon did, otherwise I will not be able to get my homework done. I hate to do it, she is nice, although a bit clingy, but I am paying for this education, and dammit, I want to actually get it!!

I have enough friends, ya know? Gina, Char, they're good friends. They don't do the drama that usually goes away with age. They're older and settled, and mature. I don't see why Corin thinks I'm so wonderful, for crying out loud, we have NOTHING in common except that we are both going for our associate degrees in accounting. I am married, settled, children, mortgage, minivan. She is living with her parents, bitching about her wicked step-mother and crying about losing a boyfriend who, frankly, isn't worth crying over.

Ugh, I am going to try to get started on my homework, maybe if I have it spread out all over the dining room table she will get the hint... doubtful, but it's worth a shot.
Here I go... wish me luck.

Arguing with myself

I feel stupid

You're not stupid

I was completely lost today

It's the first day, what do you expect?

I wasn't familiar with any of the accounting terms she was babbling

That's why you're taking the class- to GET familiar with the terms

Ok, there, I think I feel a little better now. I am/was starting to feel a bit ( a lot) overwhelmed by it all... Shit, and I only had two classes today, the Business Math/Calculators and Financial Accounting I. I can't wait to see how much I panic after I get into Payroll, Business Law and Intro to Computer Tech... Computers, now THAT'S where the insecurities really lie...

There's a whole lot of terms I don't understand, and the only thing I really know so far is that I like Carol, my acct teacher and advisor. I don't think I will strangle her, I think I will like her and learn a lot from her.

I have homework to do, some reading and some problems, so I really should be starting on them. I better get used to having homework every day and DOING it every day. I will not get behind, and then try to play catch up, it sucks.

Mom and I are having a "get re-acquainted" night tonight, we haven't seen much of each other the last week or so, with me getting ready for school, and her working a long 10 day stretch after Michigan, and spending the weekend non-working hours with Dave, we haven't seen much of each other lately. I miss her! So I will get my homework done now, before she gets home from work, so we have the evening to just hang out.

I don't see JP online much, that sucks, so I hope that by keeping this up to date, he can at least know what's going on here. Maybe if he emailed me a little blurb every day, I would know how he's doing, as of right now, I have no idea. I think I talked to him last over the weekend... Too long ago, that's for sure!

New Student Day

I lived through it... New student day was full of (actually--NOT boring) speakers and information overload. I got to meet my Accounting teacher, the main one, she is also my faculty advisor... Her name is Carol, and I can sum her up with this: Tinkerbell on Prozac. She IS the happiest place on earth. I am either going to be a more cheerful person myself for having known her, or I'm going to strangle her- haven't decided yet.

Emma is trying my patience, my god, I don't know how much more grounded she can be. I have taken all privileges away, and she continues to break the rules and try me. She has nothing left. She cannot leave the house, she cannot see her friends, she cannot use the phone. But every time I turn my back, she's outside playing with the neighborhood kids, or riding her bike "around the block"... In reality, she rides over to her friend Michaela's house. Does she really think I'm that stupid? UGH it's really going to get ugly when she becomes a teenager, I just know it.

I have to get into the habit of going to bed earlier, I was so tired today in school. But I was up until after midnight. Tonight, I am settling in at 10. I have class at 8 tomorrow morning. Plus I took the dogs for walks tonight, and I took them separately, so I actually did the loop twice, so I'm physically tired and mentally tired, I should be able to fall asleep pretty easily, considering what tomorrow is.

FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE!!

Ok, I know I had that summer class, but that is different, it's more laid back in the summer, and it was only one class. This is full time, 18 credits; this is the real thing!! Ok, I better get to bed before I start freaking myself out and can't sleep!!

Window shopping etc

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot window shop. I am not capable of going into a store to 'price' things. I can shop around, get a good deal, but I cannot NOT buy it right then and there once I have found said good deal.
Case in point: Went "window shopping" for furniture the other day. I'd like to get a nice dining room set, instead of the mix & match crap I've got going on now. Plus it would be nice to have seating for more than just our 5. I was also looking into something for the family room. The loveseat and 2 chairs just isn't cutting it, not enough seating.
I took my friend Char with me, and for the first 3 furniture stores, I was doing really well, getting quotes, not quite finding what was perfect, NOT buying anything. Then we went to the furniture store that Char's boyfriend Jerry works at. I talked to Gary, the guy who's name is on the building, and he was really helpful, and it was even more helpful that he and Char joked and bullshitted like old friends.
I ended up making a fantasy shopping list, he wrote down everything that I saw that would work great. I asked him to total it up for me, so I could gasp and leave, thanking him for his time.
What was on the list? Well, let me tell you!!

1 sofa, mocha color, microfiber suede soft, recliners on each end
1 loveseat, mocha, microfiber, recliner on one end
1 big ass just for JP recliner, stone color ( off white)
2 end tables, wood with slate slab blocks in the center
1 coffee table, wood, state slabs
1 dining room table, with 2 leaves, big enough for 8 to sit comfy
2 captains chairs, for each end of table
4 side chairs

I could not gasp and leave. It was just too good to be true: I got all this, delivered for a mere $3400. I was flipping out. I made the deal though, I don't want the furniture delivered until it's paid for. That way, it stays nice longer... Less exposure to the kids before JP gets to see it. I made a downpayment, and figured a plan to have it paid in full in about 2 months.
I have never had New New furniture, except my bed, which I ordered online and had to assemble myself. I got 2 full rooms FULL of furniture!! I'm pretty excited. I am also pleased with the price. The one place we went to before we went to Gary's wanted $2700 for JUST a sectional sofa.

I feel kind of bad though, because earlier in the same day I had told JP that he could have $500 for an investment that he wanted to do, and now he can't have it just yet. I will be able to give him the money he wanted, but not right away. But I think once he sinks his bum into that recliner that is JUST FOR HIM, he will forgive me. I'm thinking of asking the moving guys if they can wrap the recliner in plastic, and leave it on there. That way, the kids (and I) cannot ruin JP's maiden voyage into plush ecstasy. Wrap it in plastic and get some yellow Police Line, Do Not Cross tape to put around it.

A few days before the new stuff is delivered, I will get the old stuff out, and do a major cleaning. I'm thinking of getting the downstairs carpet professionally cleaned, it's certainly seen better days, and I hate the thought of putting that nice new furniture on top of such fugly ratty carpet. So I will get it cleaned, may not take out all the child induced stains, but hopefully it will bring it back a little bit.

Another mission accomplished. Unintentional, of course, but hey, at least it's done.

The Trip, in parts

Part One: The Drive Out (or off, you could say)
We left around 3, JP's parents arrived at 1pm, so we got a nice visit with them, and I made sure they knew the kids' rules. I even wrote them down so the kids wouldn't try to buffalo them. I wanted to have a full tank of gas, so we could figure out our mileage, so we stopped at Holiday before we left town. Now, I'm going to go into great detail here because it will matter later. As we pulled up to the pump, I asked mom to fish out one of the "BOGO" pop bottle caps, so I could get us each a cold one for the road after I finished pumping gas. I got out, topped off the tank, it was only $19 and change. When I opened the driver's door, to grab my billfold and the cap from mom, she wasn't there. I popped my head up to see her coming out of the store, 2 bottles of pop in her hands. She's so sneaky, she went in and paid for the gas, I thought... I THOUGHT. I thanked her and we got in, buckled up and were on our way.
We were somewhere between Detroit Lakes and St. Cloud, cruising along nicely on Hwy 10, I was in the left lane, passing some schmuck, when suddenly I see a cop coming up quickly on my backside. I hurry to finish passing, and tuck back in, to have this trooper wizz past me, lights and sirens full blast. (Wow, glad he's not looking for us! We said) Another mile or so down the road, and we saw what he was in such a hurry to get to. We were on Hwy 10 east, and over in the westbound lanes, there was a white truck, driver sitting in it, pulled over on the shoulder. A cop car behind him, one cocked sideways in the left lane, pointed at the truck, and another cop car had been down in the ditch and come up the embankment, nose pointed at the truck. There were a total of 5 cop cars and every officer was in the driver's door of their vehicle using the door as a shield, and had their guns drawn on the driver of the white truck!! OH, WOW, what excitement!! We talked for miles, wondering what he had done.
We stopped around midnight somewhere in Illinois for "breakfast" at a truckstop. After a yummy filling meal, the waitress brings the check, and mom and I both grabbed for it.
Me: I'll get it
Her: No, I'll get it, you've paid for all the gas
Me: No, you paid for the first one
Her: what? No I didn't
Me: In D.L., when you got the pop?
Her: No, Nik, I just got the pop, I thought you used your card at the pump
Me: Haha, very funny
It went on a few more times of kidding/not kidding, and when she didn't start laughing, it really sank in...Oh My Gawd, we drove off without paying for our gas. But it was midnight, we were 2 states away, what could we do? I decided to call Ray at home the next day and beg him to run down and take care of it. Of course, the second we hit Wisconsin, it became a felony, a federal case.... We had a good but nervous laugh about that, I'll tell ya.
Part Two: The Relaxation
Something about being out there is so calming and relaxing. Like time ticks at a slower pace out there. Sit for hours and chat and shoot the bull, and wow, a full day is gone... And that's just fine. I had brought my laptop, but didn't even touch it. Mom and i also brought our knitting, never touched it, except to pull it out to show it to Grandma. She's got a dog now, and a cat, too. The dog's name is Shelby, and she is smart as a whip and sweet as pie. George, the cat is fat and bizarre. He pulls kibbles of food out of his dish one at a time with his paw. Drags it out, lets it fall on the floor, then bends down and gobbles it up. But he is friendly, and loves attention.
We did steaks on the grill, with asparagus and sauteed mushrooms, salad and breadsticks. Grandma's son Red, and his wife Jackie came over for supper, and we sat and shot the bull some more. Of course mom had to let everyone know that I was probably going to jail when we got back home. She refused to see her involvement in the drive off. She wanted to play the part of the innocent bystander, but we all know that she is a seasoned veteran of thievery and was a willing accomplice in the great theft of $19 worth of gas. After all, she has been known to steal shrubbery, and monkeys... Using my toddler son as an accomplice on that one. Innocent bystander my ass...
Part Three: The Drive Home
We headed out Sunday morning. Mom had to work today (Monday) at 9, so we figured with a 14 hour drive, we should get going in the morning so she can get some sleep. Everything was going pretty good, we were making good time, paying for our gas each time, only stopping for gas and bathroom breaks. We were in Wisconsin somewhere, driving along I-94, heading West. Suddenly we could see everyone ahead of us hitting their brakes, and everyone was getting into the left lane. We followed suit, not even knowing why yet. We came around a curve, and all we could see was smoke ahead. Something was burning near or on the road up ahead. Traffic was down to about 30 mph, perfect rubber necking speed, and as we went past, we could see that it was a truck, a little blue Dodge Dakota. It was pretty much engulfed in flames. The owners had been able to drag the sofa and loveseat off the back end before the fire really got out of hand. There wasn't much the police could do, except watch it burn and keep traffic away and moving. We just marveled at all the cool things we had been privy to on this journey, such interesting 'never before seen' in real life stuff.

It was a good trip, we got to see Lake Michigan Friday morning, just before light, and my camera got 2 pictures then flashed the "change batteries" light, then died... What a pisser. We also got a short visit from Fuzzy (real name unknown), Grandma's youngest son. He is a super nice guy, but he is dying of cancer, and mom suspects that will be the last time she will see him. It's really sad, he's just a sweetheart.

Now that that's over with, my next milestone, next mark of time passage is next week, I start classes. After that, one week later, the kids start theirs. Then it's my birthday, then Emma's. Then Alex's and then Halloween, Thanksgiving and then we can start getting giddy about the love of my life returning to me, if even for a short time.

BTW, Holiday Gas Station has been paid, they did not call the cops, they had no information to give anyway, they did not know it was me, and they were very grateful to be paid. No harm, no foul, no police barricades, no road blocks.

Leaving tomorrow

I'm trying to stay up late tonight, so that I will sleep in tomorrow, so I can be up all night Thursday, driving. It's not working too good so far, I'm getting very sleepy. I decided to put something in here, since it's harder to fall asleep while typing than just sitting here reading news stories online.

The kids and I went to Fargo today to exchange school clothes that didn't fit. Emma got 9 pairs of pants, and we had to exchange 7 of them. The ones that fit her around the waist made her look like she was ready for a flood, and the ones that were long enough to cover her ankles were also pooling around her ankles because she is so tiny in the waist and so tall. I think we found the solution though, she can wear a size 8 slim... right now anyway. I'm sure that will change soon, they're all going through such growth spurts.

Mom and I did some prep work for the trip tonight, too. We have to be careful because if Zoey gets wind of this, there will be no living with her. She will want to go, if she knows we are going. She is not on the guest list however. We don't even speak the words 'pack' or 'luggage'. Mom is going to take the girls for a walk tomorrow and while she is gone, I'm going to dig out her suitcase and pack it for her, and get it into the KIA before they get back. Her girls don't freak out if they see her going out of the house without carrying anything, I'm sure their logic (much like humans) is that if she doesn't have anything with her, she won't be gone long. How sad is this, that we have to pussyfoot around and be sneaky to go on a little trip?? But we all love Zoey and don't want to hurt her feelings, so it is a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Ray and Pierrette will be here around noon tomorrow, and we are planning on heading out around 3. That should get us to Minneapolis at 7, so we should be able to avoid the majority of the rush hour traffic. Then we head South and East, for roughly another 10 hours (after the 4 to Mpls) and should arrive in Grand Rapids Friday morning. I know mom isn't really looking forward to this trip, I know she's really just doing it for Grandma, because she wants us to come out there. I don't think mom feels right being there anymore. I don't get that. She calls Helen 'Mom', and we both love her, even without her Dad there, we are still going out to visit family. I know it will be hard though, because those trips out to see Grandpa were always something to look forward to. She mentioned tonight wanting to go out to the cemetery while we are out there. I think that will be good for her, and I will do the driving and then keep my distance. She will probably appreciate some alone time there.

I am taking my laptop out there, we aren't sure if Grandma has internet at her house, but I'm sure I can find an internet cafe in Grand Rapids, if need be. I just shudder to think of being without the 'net for too long.

There's another good breeze coming in the West window, hasn't been too bad the last week or so. I wish some of our nice weather could make it's way over to you honey, I know it's been pretty miserable there. I think it will just make you appreciate Minnesota weather more when you get back.

I started the savings account plan with this paycheck. Now that our mortgage refi has gone through, things should be nicer, and should be able to sock away that much each paycheck. Did you also notice that I gave you some money?
I will also be sending out a package to you tomorrow, after I repackage it, of course. It was sitting on the front step when we returned from Fargo today. I wonder how long it sat out there in the open like that. It wasn't in a brown box, either, it was a color photo of the DVR right on the box, advertising "this is what's in here, come steal me". Idiots at the Post Office wonder why they're losing business to UPS and DHL and the like. Those other couriers have a "where to leave package" option to give instructions (like at the BACK door, NOT visible to everyone who goes by). So you should have that by next weekend, figuring a week to 10 days.

Ok, I'm going to let the girls out to pee, then read for awhile to try to stay up later. I love you honey, and I miss talking to you, your internet is really starting to piss me off. Is there any other options available? Whatever the cost, I don't care, I just want to talk to you.

Mr Sandman's first name is Eric; and a yard of sand is a lot more than you think!

Today was sand day. Eric and I went out and picked up sand for his sandbox. I had Emma at home mowing the lawn to get ready.
I called ahead, to make sure they could sell me "sandbox sand", and yes, they only sell it by the yard, though. That's ok, I thought, even though I have no idea how much a yard of sand is.

How much could it really be, honestly?

A lot, that's how much.

It didn't cost a lot though. It was only $7 per yard. Eric and I got there and followed the guy in the bobcat over to the sandbox sand pile. He said he didn't think we could get an entire yard in the bed of the truck, so he'd just go one bucket load at a time, and I could call him off whenever I felt we had enough. "How many bucket loads make up a yard?" I asked. Wow... 3 as it turns out.

The first load seemed a little... little, so I gave him the go-ahead for one more. Now THAT'S more like it, I thought. Ever see a kid at the dinner table asking for a heaping plate of food that they love? You know they can't eat it all, but they just love it so much, and in the end they find out that much as they love it, they just cannot cram any more into their little bodies. Yeah, that was me at the sandbox sand pile today. I wanted to make sure we had enough, and no matter how much we got, it was going to be $7, that's the minimum.

Eric was reasonably impressed with this guy's bobcat driving skills, and he thought maybe we needed that last bucket load. I came to my senses and called him off just in time.

The trouble with being loaded down with a bobcat is that somehow, that sand has to then come out of the truck bed. By hand, one shovel full at a time. It was a lot.

So Eric got his sandbox filled with about 1/4 of the sand from the truck. I could have easily gotten away with just one bobcat bucket load. But no, I had to hold my plate up and ask for more... Insisting that I could eat it all.

The punishment definitely fit the crime here. I was the one to shovel all the sand out of the bed of the truck one shovel full at a time. It took almost 3 hours with one smoke break in there. But where, you may ask, did the other 3/4 of the sand go? Well, let's just say that Eric isn't the only one who got a sandbox, although his is the only one that's in a box. I put the rest of it out by the lilac bushes in a pile for the other kids.

Eric is very pleased, as am I. Now he not only looks like his Daddy, but he gets to play in the sand like him, too.

The cleaning bug bit my ass

The kids and I spent the morning cleaning out the KIA, since we are taking that to Michigan (leaving on Thursday, home Sunday/Monday) and those little buggers are the ones who messed it up. (shameless plug here) I LOVE THOSE WIPES... They're in a purple canister thing, and you pull the wipes out like wet wipes... They clean EVERYTHING, even on upholstery!! The two front seat floormats ended up hitting the showers, they were pretty bad.

While I was in the shower scrubbing and oxycleaning the floormats I realized that it was pretty gross in there... So I hung up the floormats to drip while I scrubbed the shower. When I got out of there, I realized that by doing that I was just putting a neon sign over the toilet screaming "I'm dirty!!"... Of course I had to scrub that, too. That, of course shed a rather dingy light on the counter top and mirror... It was a vicious cycle, I ended up scrubbing the floor and emptying all the cabinets and cupboards and tossing stuff that I don't need (why was it in there anyway!?)

Then I saw the toothbrush holder... What a can of worms THAT opened up!! It's one of those cup types, with holes in the lid for the toothbrushes to fit into. Problem with them is that the tips of the handles end up getting yucky... Dust mixed with the water that drips down from the head of the brush after each use, it's damn near mud.

So I threw away all the toothbrushes and the holder. Grabbed Alex and we went out to Walmart. I had exactly 3 things on my list.
1. Toothbrushes (3, one for each kid, I don't keep mine in there, so mine is good)
2. Toothbrush holder
3. Shower scrubby-puffs (one for each kid so they will STOP using mine!!)

I came back with a toothbrush holder, coordinating shower curtain and shower mat, floor rug and toilet-front rug, and one each of : bath towel, hand towel and wash cloth (for decorative use only, DO NOT TOUCH!!) plus the toothbrushes and scrubby-puffs, thank god, otherwise I'd be really mad.

At one point Alex actually said "Lets get out of this aisle, before we spend any more" OMG!! It was his fault we spent that much anyway!! He's the one who liked the froggy on the lilipad holder (dangling the toothbrushes, not enclosing them) and then suggested that it would look bizarre to have JUST that with frogs on it in there... Ok, ok, I caved, and it was kinda fun, we "redid" the bathroom on the cheap, and it is so nice and clean in there now, and very cute.

Then I learned how to make a meal that my mom makes that the kids LOVE, because they wanted it Friday night, but she was out (ON A DATE) and I didn't know how... So she talked me through it, and I think I'm good to go there.

wow, busy day for "the day of rest"...But now it's 7 p.m. and I could go to bed.
It's a cool night, nice breeze coming in the West bedroom window... wish you were here to cuddle up with as it gets chilly in here.
I.O.U. cuddles **nudge nudge, wink wink**

Laptop Snob

That's me, that's what I've become.

I had to take my laptop in to the school today, so they could monkey with it, get it compatible with their wireless system, make sure I have the proper amount of firewall and virus protective crap... geek speak that I don't understand.

I was without my laptop from 8 a.m. to roughly 5 p.m., it was horrible. I could have just gone downstairs and used the desktop computer, but UUGGHH, no thank you, it's a monster sized dinosaur, and it's too slow, and that mouse, ick, don't even get me started on that!!

I remember when JP first got his laptop, sitting on the couch playing with it. I remember thinking "my god, it's not that great, it's still just a computer, ya goofus"... I have since seen the error of my ways. Oh precious and wonderful laptop, I will never stray, I will never use anything else ever again.
When I first got this laptop at the beginning of the summer, I found myself annoyed with the touch pad thingy (geek speak word escapes me right now) in place of the mouse, now, I cannot bring myself to use a mouse without thinking I could do this so much faster with just my fingertips!!
So I owe JP an apology for every eye roll, every sigh of "silly boy" brought on every time I watched him on his laptop. I now realize that it was probably a little more jealousy than exasperation on my part.
Apparently absence really does make the heart grow fonder.... Being without if for just one day was horrible.
In comparison to being with out JP for 547 days, it was easy, yes, but I never spent hours on end tapping on JP with my fingertips either.
Oh, that I could do that now!!
*sigh*

"Knocked it outta the ballpark"

That's what my advisor said when he saw my score. Yeah, I guess I did. I got 92%
; )

How much gas is left in the tank?

I am taking the dreaded math portion of the Accuplacer test tomorrow morning. I should get to bed early because Mom tells me that if I go over it right before I go to sleep, it will be retained easier. I'm not that optomistic, I'm guessing I will have Math Nightmares (Again!? Gawd, I thought I was done with that when I left the 9th grade!!). Fitful bouts of tossing and turning and mumblings of "how far can I go with the gas I have? How much gas DO I have?" and "flip the numerator and denominator THEN multiply" will be my 'dog ate my homework excuse' for failing the test yet again... yeah, let's get this girl on the fast track to being MY accountant...NOT!!

I will post the results as soon as I can... unless I fail, in which case, it will never be mentioned again...by anyone.

230 days remaining, and it's August already!!

Well, after my last post, and being pretty bummed out lately, my friend Gina decided I needed to get out and have some fun. She got us tickets to WE Fest for Friday and Saturday nights. I'm not a huge country music fan, but I am a fan of getting out and getting away, so off we went.
Friday night there wasn't really any particular music act I was looking forward to seeing, Brooks & Dunn were the closing act, and I actually started crying during a few of their songs, one is a goofy song that JP changes the words to, and he and I saw B&D play it a few years ago out there. The other one that got me tearing up was something about "you better kiss me, 'cause you're gonna miss me when I'm gone"...
Saturday night was better though, more upbeat and no tears. I saw Keith Urban, (OOO, yummy) I didn't really know too many of his songs, but he put on a good show. After the intermission, the final act of the night, and of WE Fest was Kenny Chesney. He is so nice, as a singer, and as a piece of ass to look at. (wow, horny little wench, aren't I? I really miss you JP!!) I know quite a few of Kenny's songs, and Gina and her boyfriend Kent were even up on the Jumbotron screen during a love song!! The camera guys were panning the audience looking for sweethearts, and they were standing up dancing together, and it was so sweet (and Gina's face turned sooo red!!) Then as a special guest, Uncle Kracker came out and sang a few songs with Kenny, and all I could think of was 'JP should be here, he'd love this!!'. It was really good to get out and loosen up and have some fun. We were with Gina's parents, too, and they are just great, such nice people. Kent and I spent both nights at Gina's parents' place, driving is just not an option, and they live within walking distance, so I got the couch, and Kent was on the living room floor. Both nights when we got back to the house after the concert, they fed us (we had been drinking, all of us) because they didn't think we should go to sleep with empty stomachs. In the mornings, food again, it was so nice of them.

I spent last week dispersing money. We got the cash out amount from the refinancing on Wednesday, so I've been sending money to anyone and everyone we owe. I also took Mom and all 3 kids to Fargo on Thursday and started school clothes shopping. Oh, and I finished it too!! All in one day, everything from socks to notebooks, boxers to binders!! Done! I don't think I've ever had that job done this early before. I'm usually really pushing it, like... Labor Day Weekend!! I feel really good about this year. I should really get Alex a few more pairs of pants, but I do want to make one more trip to Fargo before Mom and I head to Michigan, so I will probably take him along then.

So yeah, like the title of this entry says, only 230 days until you are home for good baby!! That's a mere 32 weeks. I advanced my fridge magnet calendar today, I've already got September on it!! It is a 4 week calendar, and each week is it's own separate strip, so as one week ends, I can just wipe it off and write in another and add it to the bottom, move the other 3 up, and that way I've always got a 4-weeks-out look at what's coming. I've been keeping the days and weeks until you return on there since March. I remember how happy I was to finally get out of the 300's... Next week this time, I will be writing numbers in the 100's. (Yeah, I know, it's still 4 and 5 weeks out, but as long as I'm writing it, IT'S REAL!!)

I mailed out 3 boxes to you today. Mostly food, but also some bathroom stuff. Oh, and air freshener, because I also sent some Hormel Chili... gotta plan ahead for these things!! And look through everything I sent, even things that are camouflage, things that you THINK you know what's inside... You may be surprised, happily, I hope.

I can't wait for Tuesday night (your Wednesday day off!!) I have really missed you, and I can't wait to see you. I will be napping most of the day so I can stay up late to spend time with you.

But I have to go to bed now, I had a long day. The new weed wacker works great, as does the Tony Little Gazelle Edge fitness machine. Both made me sweaty, but not in the way I'd like to be. I miss you honey, see you Tuesday night!!

Too Long

I'm having a pity party-wanna come?
I am just getting tired of not having my husband around, that's all. It's been 5 months since he held me in his arms and told me that everything would be okay. The last time I touched him was in March, in Mississippi, and it was awful. Now I wish we had stayed longer, we could have. We could have gotten a hotel room and stayed one more night. But we were due back at work, and there was a storm coming (just missed the tornado as a matter of fact!) so we left. I know at this point one more night wouldn't really make a bit of difference, but I still wish we had it.

JP and I are good people, we are really in love, even after all these years, and all these kids, and all these problems, we are still in love with each other. I think people who have that kind of relationship deserve to be together. Especially when you consider all the creepos and scumbags who get to be with someone they don't really love every day. Why should they get to be happy, hell, they probably don't even realize or appreciate their situation. I know if I had him here, I would appreciate every second. Those days leading up to him leaving, that's all I do, sit there-- look at him and appreciate that second in time. Watch him sleep, watch him talk to his kids, watch him doing simple ordinary things because I know that the clock is ticking, and soon I won't be able to see him doing those things. Like now... Like the last 5 months, and the next 5 months.

Yes, we are in the middle of the longest stretch. It sounds like his R&R will be in December, 5 months from now. That's 10 months total without a single hug or kiss. His deployment to Bosnia was a total of 10 months, with several opportunities for visitation mixed in there. This is so much harder than the first one.

It does make me realize what a good man he is, and how incredibly lucky I am to have him love me. I know these deployments have taught me to never take him for granted. How could I? Now that I know what life is like without him? Why would I ever want to live like this on purpose?

I think tonight is a good night to pull out his shirt from Florida and cuddle up with it for awhile. It's been quite awhile since I've done that. I've been pretty busy, and haven't had time to sink into a pity party for months now. I know once this one is over, I will be fine again for a few months, and by the time I'm ready for another party, I should just shut up since it won't be too much longer before he will be home for Christmas. That will be nice, to have his R&R then, so he can be with us for the holidays. Even if he comes home in early December, we will have Christmas whenever he is here.

Time to go to bed and end the pity party day. Good night honey, I love you so very much.

Tamie! JP! Mom!

Ok, so when I started this silly thing, I had NO idea how they work. Since then, I have been snooping around stranger's blogs, and I found out that leaving comments does not interfere with what I'm writing. (I thought it would be like a thread on a message board... Duh) So if you want to comment from now on, GO AHEAD.

Also, I'm going to try to post a pic now and then, just to see if I can, and how it will work in the blog. I'll just grab one I've got handy for the tester.

Hey, I took the camcorder out to the lake today with Alex, Eric and the girls. Emma was working, so she didn't come. I even figured out how to burn it onto a disk (only the second try, thank you very much!!) so I will be sending that on to you JP as soon as I can, it's really a hoot, I can't wait for you to see it!!

I just popped in this picture of Emma, since she is absent from our Doggie Lake adventure video. This was taken in late June when my Dad took us fishing. She can bait her own hook, and even take off the fish she catches... Such a trooper!! (and yes, JP, that IS your hat she's wearing, cute as a bug, I know!)

Not too bad

I think because it was a short visit, it wasn't too bad having him here. I met them for a few drinks Friday night when they got into town, that was nice. Karaoke with the locals is always good for a few laughs.

Saturday they came over, and I showed them all of our projects and was disappointed in their reactions. Or rather, their lack of reaction... Jerks. Even Mark this time, they were both all "yeah, that's nice". Fine, go home. Jerks.

We decided to take the kids and my dogs to go swimming. We went to Sauer Lake (thank you JP) and the kids jumped right in the water, and Steven and Mark set their lawn chairs in the shade and sat... The last time I took Hailey to water, she was not impressed, didn't really care for it. THIS TIME... WOW she loved it!! I can't help but wonder if Comet was part of the reason. Comet took to the water like she was born for it, and maybe Hailey, with her jealousy issues, didn't want that little brat making her look bad. They were both swimming and playing and making us laugh, it was a lot of fun. I forgot the camera, but Steven took some pictures with his phone, and said he would send them to me so I can pass them on to JP. I will be taking mom and her dogs with us out there next week on her day off. There are shade trees right by the water, so mom doesn't have to worry about being in the sun.

We drove back to town, dropped off the dogs, and went to the Beachfront Grill for lunch, sat out on the patio, it was very nice. I had a talk with the kids on the drive from the lake to the house, about how important it was that they behave, so Steven doesn't feel the need to yell at them, so I don't yell at them and snap at Steven... best behavior, please. For the most part, they did good, but you know Steven, it's never good enough, unless they are silent mindless robots doing his bidding.

After mom got home from work, we chatted a bit, then made supper, of course, we had just had lunch a few hours earlier, but it was so good, I didn't mind, and I still ate too much. But the nice thing is we now have wonderful leftovers to last us a few days. I don't care what the stereotype of gay men is, they're not all polite and proper. Neither of them said "thank you" or "wow, good food, thanks"... jerks.

The tension left about 9 pm last night. I feel better and I know it will be a good 6 months minimum before I have to deal with this again.

I just loved having my girls in the water, and when we go again, I'm going to teach mom to run the camcorder so JP can see it. He will be very happy to hear this news about our girls.
I love you honey, I will talk to you soon!

Seems like forever

I just reread my last post, seems like ages ago that all that happened, but it was only a week. Things with Eric have improved, he hasn't even whined about his lack of Gameboy. He's been swimming, playing out in the yard with neighborhood kids, and even though he did come in crying once ("he kicked me ON PURPOSE!!") he is making a good effort, and I already see an improvement. He is smiling again. That alone makes my day, that kid has the sweetest smile, lights up his whole face.

Mom has been tutoring me in math, helping me get ready for my retest on the 10th. I'm so glad I have her, I don't know what I'd do, how I'd figure this crap out if not for her. I am already feeling better about it, things like fractions, adding/subtracting and multiplying/dividing... I was completely lost. I'm feeling much better now. We still have a couple of weeks to work on it, and I hope we get a lot of time to do it, I know the more time I spend on it, the more comfortable I will be come test time.

Steven and Mark are on their way here as I type. They will be getting in late tonight, staying until Sunday morning. Mom and I made up some shrimp pasta salad (rainbow rotini, how fitting to serve the gay men! haha) and we did the cut up fruit thing, that is just so yummy, it's been hard not to dig into it. But it's for Saturday night supper. We are doing brats on the grill, and baked beans, and all the goodies that go with it. It's been so long since they've been here, I can't wait for them to see all we've done around here. I think it's been about a year. Just to see Comet, and how big she is will be a surprise for them.

I had a "date" last night, with JP online, so I was up very late. I had to get Alex up early to go to work this morning, and I am quickly running out of time to take a nap. Mom will be home soon, then it's supper, last minute cleaning, because I hate it when Steven comes... I love him, but it's such a stressor when he comes here, I feel like nothing in my life is good enough. Then I stop and think realistically... Maybe he should just bite my ass if he thinks my house is messy, or my kids are unruly and rude. Maybe he should just squeeze a baby out of his ass if he wants a child to mold into a perfect image of himself. My kids are my kids, I love them (for the most part) just the way they are. My home is mine, and it's cluttered (full of great memories and cherished treasures) and stained (proof of a good time had!) and full of dog hair ( they are members of this family, and they leave their things around the house, just like the rest of us, if they had thumbs, they'd pick up after themselves!) There, a mini-vent about Steven... I feel better already, bring him on, the pompous little prick!!

I still have to shower after supper and finish laundry, so I should go get started with food, I don't even know what we're having yet. 247 days until he comes home. That's 246 days too long to wait. Not Fair!!

The Longest Day

Let's go in order, shall we?

It actually started last night, I went out to Murphy and helped Mom close, it was actually kind of fun. It was a late night, and I was outside sweating with the mosquitoes but it was ok.

I had to get up early this morning to go up to the school to take the Accuplacer test, just the Math portion, since the basic math class I signed up for was cancelled. Yeah, I failed that sucker. No worries though, I can retake it on August 10th. They even gave me a study guide to help me prepare. Nice though, an accounting major can't even do a simple 17 problem math basics test, I didn't even get 50%.

I got my financial aid done with though, just have to mail off one thing tomorrow. I also got information on the campus work/study program, got signed up for that.

As I was walking out of the school, Gina called, we were planning on going tubing down the river today. So I run home, call Mr Refinance Wizard, get that chore done, decided what we want to do there, since our appraisal came in much higher than we anticipated. Since I knew I'd be on the river the majority of the afternoon, I thought I'd call him and get that done.

Gina, Kent, Alex, Emma and I went tubing. Gina almost had Eric convinced to go with us. But no, he stayed home. Alone. Again.

We went through monsoon season on the river, and within an hour, the sun was shining and it was great. Gotta love that Minnesota weather. I'm almost surprised it didn't snow.

When we got back to town, Gina mentioned that she and Kent were going to Fargo tonight, and invited me along. They were basically going on a cigarette run, and for pet food, both things I need, especially at the North Dakota prices. I talked to the kids, since Mom had to work, told them to be good, stay in the house, and I'd have my cell phone on me in case of emergency. But, if they were good, there really shouldn't be any emergencies, right?

I showered, and Gina and Kent came back and picked me up. We got the smokes, and the Comet food, and then I got a phone call. Alex had heard from Mom, out at Murphy, she was having a hard time, and told Alex to tell me that yes, she could use the help out there when I got home. Alex took this as a major distress signal, and called my cell to tell me that "Grandma needs help really bad"... Um, dork, I'm an hour away, and Grandma knows that, tell her if she calls again that I'll be there as soon as I can.

As soon as I can turned out to be after 10pm. But I came home, unloaded the dog food from Gina's trunk, and ran in to change into one of Mom's work shirts, and headed out. I told the kids that I would be out there helping Grandma, and to be good, and I'd have my cell on me in case of emergency again.

Yes, of course they called. Apparently Emma needed to tell me what was going on with the boys. Eric was accusing Alex of breaking his Lego masterpiece, Alex was denying it, and accusing Eric of going postal and throwing Legos at him. From what I understand, Eric was reverting back to his bad temper tantrums, and was basically having a meltdown. He was, as Emma reported, in his room pitching a fit. I told her and Alex to leave him be, that we would be home soon. Thanks, this is just what I needed.

We get home, and I sit Eric down to hear his side of it, after hearing Alex's side on the phone just before we left Murphy. Wow, what a surprise, two different stories!! I got both boys together, side by side, and let each one tell it, and told them that I could easily believe either one, Alex's story about Eric wigging out and screaming and throwing Legos at him, or Eric's story about Alex breaking his tower on purpose and then shutting the light off and not letting Eric out of his very dark bedroom. I still don't know who to believe. Thing is, I don't care, it has to stop. I sent everyone to bed, it was after all, almost midnight.

Mom and I were pretty awake, after closing (I remember this from McShithole) you can expect to be kinda wired. So we went into her room to chat and unwind a bit. We got to talking about Eric and his problems. I know mom has been worried about the kid, so have I. He watches too much TV, he plays too much on the computer, and too much on his Game Boy. He spends entirely too much time alone. He lacks basic social skills that I believe would help these temper issues go away. I heard everything Mom said, and I agreed with all of it, too. It was just really hard to hear, and I feel like a failure. I have failed Eric, and he's going to end up being the poster child for the next Columbine school. I feel so helpless, and I don't know what to do, and I wish I didn't have to deal with this at all, and especially I wish I didn't have to deal with it without JP. He is the cutest of all my kids, why does he have to be the most screwed up?

I know what has to be done, and it will be started tomorrow. Eric will lose his Game Boy for an undetermined amount of time. He will be limited to one hour of TV per day, and one hour of computer time per day. He will be forced to go with Emma a minimum of 3 times per week to Park and Rec down by the Pavillion. It's an all-day kids day camp kind of thing. He will be forced to interact with other kids, and not just his brother and sister. He will not spend all day in this house, and he will not spend his time (limited that it will be) in the house IN his room. He will learn how to ride his bike. He will not be allowed to stay home alone when we go tubing, he will go with us. I realize that he will probably not be pleasant to be around on these forced issues, but he will learn that if you don't get along with other people, learn how to live with others, and be a decent human being, that your life will pretty much suck, and I will see to it.

I have had a very bad and long day, it is definitely one I am glad to see come to an end. I'm sure tomorrow is just going to be wine and roses, too. Goodie, can't wait. ( can I call a time-out? Just crawl under a rock for awhile? Let someone else live my life for me for a couple of days? That's all I want, just a couple of days... Long enough to hopefully get a better grasp on reality and sanity.) Oh fuck it, never mind.

Appraisal is done

The lady from the appraisal place was here today, checking, measuring and making notes on the house. She said in passing that our tax estimated value was high, and I think when I get a copy of this appraisal she did, I will run to the courthouse to the assessor's office, and ask to compare. If they're estimating taxes on a house that they've estimated to be worth $30,000 more than it really is, then that's a big difference in the amount of taxes we pay, and I want that fixed.

Other than that, everything was fine, I mentioned to her that the downstairs bathroom will be finished in 2 weeks when my father-in-law comes up, that JP and I were in the middle of remodeling when he got called up... Little fib, but she said that she would just call it a full bath then. Mom brought up a good point too, if we were appraising the house to sell it, it would actually have to be done, but since it's just for the refi, it will be ok.

The kids were great today, with the exception of Eric. Big helpers with the housecleaning, but Eric was a jerk. He was whining and complaining about cleaning his room, didn't want to do it, and while Alex and Emma were outside playing because they had finished their rooms, he threw a tantrum and I just put a stop to it. Had to really lay into him, and that's so not what he was looking for. He wanted sympathy and he wanted to be let off the hook. Sorry bucko, it has to be done, and it has to be done NOW... Yeah, I wasn't his favorite person for the rest of the day, at least until I made fish sticks for supper...Fickle little bugger he is.

I have to figure out a way to ship JP's truck to him... It's pretty big, and I want to be sure it doesn't break in transit. It's nice though, it's a Dodge Ram (with a Hemi!) black with purple and yellow graphics, nice rollbar and big fat tires... And of course, full function radio control. He can drive that little bugger all over the sand over there. He deserves a truck, and this is all I can give him for now... Maybe when he gets home we can start looking for a real one for him. Minus the gaudy graphics though, I bet!!

ok, that's it, I'm tired, and I have to take the girls out one last time before I can go to bed. I love you JP, I miss you so much.

Funny thing happened yesterday

My friend Corin, from my comp class came over to work on our latest papers. She has to completely rewrite hers... I do not. I made a few changes to mine, and it's good to go. My rough draft was good enough, in the teacher's eyes to not warrant a total rewrite, so I had it much easier than Corin. We got to talking about our in class writing assignment, and it led to discussing how I thought I could probably write a book on the topic she gave us, I was just full of ideas for this assignment! I said something like "I should probably finish the first novel before I start a second" and Corin wanted to know what I was talking about. I told her about the "book" I started writing in study hall my senior year. She asked if I still had a copy of it, and I do, it's in my trunk, with my other school memorabilia, and wedding mementos. She pretty much demanded that I drag it out and let her read it. She said "If your writing is this good now, I want to know if it was this good back then, or if you just sort of started pulling good stuff out of the air recently!" So as I was sitting there working on a jump start to our assignment for Tuesday, she read through the 'thing' I wrote 16 years ago.
I hadn't thought about it in years, and here she was reading through it, asking questions about it, and it amazed me how much of it I remembered. She was pretty impressed with it, and decided that I must have always had some ability in the writing department, because even back when I was a goofy kid, I was a pretty good writer (her words, not mine!). It just sort of got me thinking about it though. I wonder how much it would suck to try to pull that thing out and have another go at it. I'd have to completely rewrite it, to get it onto my computer, I don't have a disk anywhere with it, just about 60 pages of it printed out from an old computer, back in the day when the pages were all connected, and had those tear-away edges with the holes in it to pull it through the printer. Some of it is still hand written on tablet paper. I even found the ORIGINAL that I started with back in study hall. Part of me doesn't want to touch it, it belongs in the past, and I think that if I started going back over it, I would discover that it's not as great as I thought it was back then. Plus there's the age factor. I wrote that when I was 18, started it the day before my 18th birthday, actually; now I am a 33 year old wife and mother, and this story is very teen oriented, could I still write like that, still feel connected to that era of my life? I worry that anything I would add to it now would make it feel choppy, like a reader could tell "this first part is different from the end... Like it was written by two different people" because it is... I don't know what to do with it. I almost wish Corin hadn't opened up this particular can of worms.

I talked to JP today online. He asked me to hook up my webcam, I wish he could have gotten his done, too, but it was late at night there, and his roommate was sleeping. I miss his face. He's heard that his R&R might possibly be coming in September, but until I have a flight number, I'm not making any plans. Really, any time from September on would be great, since the end of September is the halfway point. We celebrated "Half Way Day" on June 22nd, that was the half way point of the whole deployment... The end of September is the half way point of the "over there" part. We wanted his R&R to be towards the end, so we have it to look forward to longer, and when it's over, it's almost time to start getting excited about him coming home. I sort of wish his R&R could happen around Christmas time, for the kids mainly. I want him home everyday, any day, but the kids would love to have their Daddy home for Christmas break. Otherwise I think I'd be tempted to pull them out of school a lot while he's here. Oh, then there's my classes to consider, too. It doesn't matter really, whenever he comes home will be the perfect time.

I should get off my butt and get going on the list I made this morning, I have things to do. But it's a lazy day, and I just don't feel like it.

Happy 4th of July

Happy... Yeah, whatever.

the kids and I spent the day fishing with Dad, that was fun. We stopped halfway through and had fish for lunch, fried up the stuff we caught on Sunday. We got just a ton, mostly sunfish and bluegills, but the afternoon was almost all crappies. The kids had fun, and I got to spend time with my dad, and that was nice. Lorna stayed on shore, that was even nicer.

We got home, and mom and I ran some errands, then vegged for awhile, then as soon as it started even looking like evening was coming, the kids started bugging me "is it time to go yet?" "Can we just go down there now?" They wanted to walk down to the beach where the fireworks show would be at about 8pm. The show didn't start until shortly after 10. I made them wait to start the walk until 9:30, and by the time we got there, we got a spot, laid out our blanket, and still had a 10 minute wait for the fireworks to start. It was a good show this year though, well worth the walk.

I got pretty sunburned out on the boat today, I was wearing a T shirt, so mainly from the elbows down, minus the wrist watch area, a perfect line there, and my face got a bit red. Emma isn't a bit red, she just browns up right away, definitely gets her sun/skin from her daddy. Poor Eric inherited my complexion though, and he's a lobster in the neck and ear area.

Tomorrow I will be getting Emma out to mow the lawn right away, and the boys will be helping me clean the house, the refinance guy is coming at 2, and I want the house to look like it's worth the amount they are going to finance!!

I found out that my last summer class, the math one has been cancelled, due to low enrollment. I'm sort of bummed about it, I was looking forward to taking it, but I'm also kind of happy. Since they are canceling it, I get reimbursed IN FULL for the tuition and the price of the books I bought for the class. I can sure use the money right now, after paying Home Depot and Target off. It will make it much easier to get to the next pay day. I think Thursday we are going to run to Fargo, we need to get cigarettes and dog food. Even with the price of gas, it's still a bargain. Cigarettes alone saves us $15 per carton, and the dog food, well, Comet's kind, here in town is $45, and in Fargo it's only $24. So, yeah, I think it's worth the drive. All 4 dogs get a different formula of food, and they're all cheaper across the border.

Well, it's late, and I have a busy day tomorrow, so I will call it a night. JP- I love you. I miss you, and I wish you could get a damn day off. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY deserves it as much as you do, honey. I will talk to you soon, til then...I'm always thinking of you.