Too Long

I'm having a pity party-wanna come?
I am just getting tired of not having my husband around, that's all. It's been 5 months since he held me in his arms and told me that everything would be okay. The last time I touched him was in March, in Mississippi, and it was awful. Now I wish we had stayed longer, we could have. We could have gotten a hotel room and stayed one more night. But we were due back at work, and there was a storm coming (just missed the tornado as a matter of fact!) so we left. I know at this point one more night wouldn't really make a bit of difference, but I still wish we had it.

JP and I are good people, we are really in love, even after all these years, and all these kids, and all these problems, we are still in love with each other. I think people who have that kind of relationship deserve to be together. Especially when you consider all the creepos and scumbags who get to be with someone they don't really love every day. Why should they get to be happy, hell, they probably don't even realize or appreciate their situation. I know if I had him here, I would appreciate every second. Those days leading up to him leaving, that's all I do, sit there-- look at him and appreciate that second in time. Watch him sleep, watch him talk to his kids, watch him doing simple ordinary things because I know that the clock is ticking, and soon I won't be able to see him doing those things. Like now... Like the last 5 months, and the next 5 months.

Yes, we are in the middle of the longest stretch. It sounds like his R&R will be in December, 5 months from now. That's 10 months total without a single hug or kiss. His deployment to Bosnia was a total of 10 months, with several opportunities for visitation mixed in there. This is so much harder than the first one.

It does make me realize what a good man he is, and how incredibly lucky I am to have him love me. I know these deployments have taught me to never take him for granted. How could I? Now that I know what life is like without him? Why would I ever want to live like this on purpose?

I think tonight is a good night to pull out his shirt from Florida and cuddle up with it for awhile. It's been quite awhile since I've done that. I've been pretty busy, and haven't had time to sink into a pity party for months now. I know once this one is over, I will be fine again for a few months, and by the time I'm ready for another party, I should just shut up since it won't be too much longer before he will be home for Christmas. That will be nice, to have his R&R then, so he can be with us for the holidays. Even if he comes home in early December, we will have Christmas whenever he is here.

Time to go to bed and end the pity party day. Good night honey, I love you so very much.