Wednesday, October 31

Beggars, sex toy parties and Italy

Beggars: tonight, my children are out begging for candy. They began the night by begging their Dad to go with them. I gave him "the look" that said "It won't be much longer, and they won't ask you anymore... you've missed enough. Go be with your kids" Yeah, one look CAN say that much. So he went. I worked on a bit of homework, and now I have the quiet house to myself...

Sex Toy Parties: I missed one last Saturday night. But Cheri gave me a catalog so I can still order. OH MY GOODNESS. How am I expected to pick among all these wonderful options? I wish I could have gone to the party, they pass around ALL the items, so you can... ahem, um, 'get a feel for it'. A little photo in a catalog is just not enough.

Italy. Hi, how are you? A comment would be nice... keep it anonymous if you want... just find it interesting and very nice to "see" you. Pop in and say hello... please?

Monday, October 29

Halloween bowling party

Since tonight was the closest bowling night to Halloween, we had a little shindig. Every team brought food, potluck style, and we were all encouraged to wear some kind of costumes. We had to be careful though, costumes that didn't hinder our bowling...
so here's our team: front row: Charity, Jenny and Darlene. Back row: Me and Rachel.We are sponsored by a company that makes kitty litter... yeah, yeah, I know, how icky, shut up. SO ANYWAY, we decided that we should be cats as a team.

We didn't win tonight, that was awful, but I beat my average 2 out of 3 games, and my nightly average was 122, whereas my season average is only 117, so I'm sure it will go up a bit for next week.

Movie Review, part One

With our weekend out of town, I only got to see one of the six movies we rented.

WE ARE MARSHALL.

Holy crap, I was in tears too many times to count, and it was funny (Matthew's character, the head coach was a KOOK!) and I really liked it alot. The only problem was that JP suggested we put the movie in about 9:30, as I was about ready to doze off to sleep. It kept me awake, kept my attention, UNTIL MIDNIGHT, so I guess one could consider that a plus, but I am tired this morning!

I bowl tonight, but when I get home I am determined to watch 1408 before I go to bed. These movies need to be returned by Wednesday, and I'd like to watch Shooter, too. So hopefully I will be talking about a few more movies in the coming days.

Tomorrow my first baby turns 14. Makes me sad. And proud. And old.

JP and I had a great weekend in Moorhead and Fargo. We went to a strip club with some of the other Guards guys and their wives, had a WONDERFUL night Saturday, poolside room at the hotel. The reintegration thing on Sunday was SO DULL, but I get paid for it, so whatever, it's fine. JP, of course, gets paid for it, too.

Now I have to run, I have to be across campus in 10 minutes to sit through another BORING hour of Business Income Tax... maybe I will use my time to post a picture I took the other night. The moon was full, and SO pretty. I don't know if my pics turned out good though... it was very bright...

Friday, October 26

Pay day and movie night

Today was my first pay day for my work/study job.
Just a little check, but it went right into my savings account. That's the plan, all my work/study checks will go to savings, but I don't know yet what I'm saving FOR. Just getting a savings account up and running is enough for now.

Tomorrow morning I have to work, and JP is going to go to Brainerd to get Alex's birthday present. Then in the evening we are going to Moorhead, we have a night in a hotel paid for by the Guards, and Sunday is the 60 day reintegration meeting. So my weekend is looking pretty busy.

We rented a bunch of movies tonight, so I can "review" them for ya.

Right now we are watching School for Scoundrels... so far it seems pretty good.

We also rented We Are Marshal, 1408, Shooter, Surf's Up and (something else, can't remember right now) When I get them watched I will let you know.
1408 is the one I'm most looking forward to seeing, I LOVE Stephen King's stories and books, and occasionally, they don't screw up making them into movies.

Wednesday, October 24

Stretching thin

I wish I were talking about my ass, or my thighs, or my abs. They are not getting thin. My time is, though.

I'm tired often. It feels like I am always rushing to the next thing. I have to find time to do homework. I have discovered that I don't do homework as well when JP is home as I did when he was gone. I used to sit in bed at night and work on it, spread it out all over the bed. I cannot do that now, because I have to share the bed.


So I have to find a time in my schedule to pencil in "Homework", because I am actually getting behind on some of it.


I am putting in a few more hours at the bank than my position allows, but my boss okay'd it with HR and with me, so I am getting close to 20-ish hours per week now. I am also maxing out my work study time, 10 hours per week, in fact, I think we may have to fudge this week, move a few "overage" hours from this week to next, to keep me at/under 10.


It will be hard, and it IS hard for now. It is mid October, and in two months, in mid December, I will start to see an improvement. That is when the Fall Semester ends. I have about a three week break, then in mid January, I start my (final) Spring Semester. Much better hours, easier to get things done, right? No night classes, off at 1 every afternoon, no Friday classes. I am just trying to hang on until Mid December, that's all. Just two months to go. I can do that... right?


One more picture that Alex took, just because I think he did a good job... I think the picture looks out of focus because it's taken through the backseat window, and dogs were back there breathing heavy and wiping their snotty noses on the glass...


Sunday, October 21

Alex took pictures


They are back from their big hunting trip (didn't fire their guns ONCE!) and this is one of the pictures that I got downloaded off my camera, which Alex took with him. He also took some short videos, one of which I saved (I deleted the other 24 because they were just dumb). I saved the one because it is just funny. I will have to see if I can get it on here.
meanwhile, here's Katy and Comet in the back seat of the truck. Kate is the redhead closest to the camera, and Comet is her daughter, laying down with the red Kong toy.

So here's the video, it's real short, and it's important to have the volume on, and UP, and listen right away... Alex is so funny.

Saturday, October 20

Here's the mail, it never fails

it makes me wanna wag my tail.
When it comes I wanna wail MMMAAAAIIIIILLLLLL!!

(Blue's Clues... the mail song...? nope? Well, anyway, take my word for it, it's very catchy)

I got the mailbox mounted up on the house, new and improved and goin' nowhere!
I also made supper, a yummy Chicken Alfredo with Penne pasta...
Then I sat down to count my change in my jar. I have a one gallon glass jar (used to be full of Spanish olives, got it from a bar) and I put change into it. I have a separate coffee canister for pennies, so the olive jar is just for silver. It's probably about 1/6th full, and it's already got $130 in it! I was happy about that. I'm going to keep it here until it's full, then take it in to work and cash it in. Since it's taken me about 3 to 4 months to get it this far, I imagine it will be quite some time before I am hauling it in.

I was ready to go to sleep at 6 pm. Now it's almost 9 and I can't believe I'm still up. I'm allowing myself to sleep in tomorrow, then it's laundry and Macro notes. And Managerial Accounting homework... homework that was due last week, that I didn't understand then, and still don't understand now... I'm going to have to get someone who understands it to explain it to me... otherwise it's going to be a very ugly semester. I really don't want ANOTHER B on my transcripts... I'm still trying to recover from the last one (the first one, the ONLY one). My GPA is at 3.94, and no matter what, I can never get that 4.0 back... but I can still try for a 3.99, right?

Well, that's it, it's 9, and I'm getting into my jammies and into my bed... alone... but he'll be home tomorrow.

Feels like nothing got done

My long weekend is almost over, and I feel like I accomplished nothing so far. I haven't touched my Macro notes (test on Tuesday night) I haven't fixed the mail box yet (stupid f*cker fell off the house, can you believe that?)

I'm going to fix that right now ( the lack of accomplishments, not the mail box, although that may end up happening, too)

But when I got home from work about half an hour ago, all I wanted was denim on my arse and my arse on my bed with my feet up!
Now I've had that for a bit, and I think I'm ready to go.
Except that I'm STARVING and I can't eat. It hurts too damn much. I had an Ortho appointment yesterday and my orthodontist actually used the word "torque" when telling the assistant what to do to my teeth... it didn't sound good at the time, and sure as hell doesn't FEEL good now.
Maybe I will eat some pudding and mashed potatoes and get down to my accomplishing!

Wednesday, October 17

Are you ready for some HOCKEY??


She is.
She's very ready.
We printed out her schedule of practices for the month, and (insert disappointed sigh and 'sad face' here) I won't be able to take her to ANY of them. All her practices happen when I'm still at work. She generally has to be on the ice at 5:15 (therefor, at the arena at 5) and I don't get out of work til 5:45.


So even if I WANTED to take her... sorry, can't. I was planning on boycotting practices for the year anyway, since I did my time for the last two years, but this way, I have a legit excuse that JP can't whine about.
As I type, JP and Alex, along with Kate and Comet are in the truck driving South. The boys decided to take a mother & daughter team of hunting dogs along on their father son hunting trip. Kate LOVES guns, and she knows the commands, but has never been pheasant hunting. Comet knows nothing other than she loves her daddy and will do anything for him, and she will follow her mom, Kate, anywhere. JP promised to call nightly with progress reports, on both the dogs, and how my son does with his hunting. JP missed Alex's first season of deer hunting, but Alex has never been hunting for pheasant before. I wonder how he'll do.
No sense worrying about it now, I have the entire bed to myself, and I do not have an alarm set for the morning. This is cause for celebration. How sad is it that my idea of celebrating tonight is putting on my footie jammies and curling up in bed with a good movie. Whatever makes a girl happy, right?


Tuesday, October 16

Five day weekend

My long weekend is officially started. Too bad it won't be much fun.
I agreed to go in to the school tomorrow for a minimum of 4 hours, doing the whole work study stuff for Marcus.

OK, fine, I volunteered.
But the kids will be in school, JP will be at work, Mom will be at work, I'd just be bored.

(I just reread that sentence... gawd, I am an IDIOT)
Then I have to work at the bank, of course.

Thursday though, THAT will be a good day. Nothing until 3:30 working at the bank. Since I usually work Saturday mornings at the bank, it's rare that I get to sleep in.

But the worst thing about this long weekend is that JP will be gone. I'll have homework to do, and another Macro test to study for, and work to go to, so I'm sure I'll stay busy, but when I'm not busy, when I have a bit of 'down time', it would be nice to have him here.

Well, I've taken some Melatonin, and am beginning to feel a bit heavy in the eyelid area. Off I go.

Monday, October 15

It was a great weekend

JP and I drove (in his truck, of course) about 2 hours southeast for a wedding reception. The groom was in Iraq with JP, and they actually got married about a year ago, while he was home on leave. They're just now having their reception!

I had never met the groom before, but he is one helluva guy. I really like him. He is the one who put in for JP's bronze star, but that's not why I like him. He's just a really nice guy, and his bride, Tammy, wow, she didn't know me AT ALL, but she talked to me like we were old friends, just good people, ya know?

So we had a really good time, JP and I got a hotel room, left the kids home with mom (Thanks, Mom, you're THE BEST!) On our way home, we stopped so JP could buy a new gun. He's taking Alex Wednesday night to head to southern Minnesota to do some pheasant hunting. Now, if I could just get Flat to share her recipe for cooking it, I'd be set!

I only have 2 days of classes this week, how nice.
This morning I got registered for my Spring Semester, all 13 credits of it! And the beauty of it, I only have to buy 2 books! Three of those 13 credits are my job, an "Internship", 3 of them are Intermediate Accounting II, which is the second half of the book I already own for Intermediate Accounting I for this semester. So, my (just over) $3K of grant money... I'll probably use about $2,000 of it for school, and TYVM, a check in my hand for the remainder...

So, other than bowling tonight, I've had a good few days.
Don't even ask about bowling scores, it was just FUGLY. My average just went in the pooper, I'll guarantee it.

Wednesday, I don't have classes, but the kids do, so I will still have to get up at 6:30 to get them off. Friday, I have an Ortho appointment at 8:10 am. And then I have to work. I still have to work Wednesday and Thursday, but not until 3:30. So Thursday is THE SHIT. THAT is the day I'm livin' for now. No getting the kids up, no getting my ass out of bed til I feel like it!

Gotta love a Thursday...

Friday, October 12

NaNo I don't know


Last fall, after I successfully completed a month of hell of NaNoWriMo, I was talking about it to a friend I have in Georgia, I know her through an MSN group I belong to. We have never MIRL, but we have talked on the phone. She's a real Georgia Peach. She loved the NaNo idea, had never heard of it, and she and I decided back then to try it this year.

She just posted a message about it on our board. Kind of a "Are you ready for some NaNo?" to the tune of that Monday Night Football tune...

Shit I am not ready. I bet I could be, but what kind of stress would that put on my job(s) and my schoolwork, and my family and my marriage. I had time to work on it last year because it did not matter how long I spent tapping away at the keys and how late I was up doing it. The dogs did not mind at all. JP might mind. JP doesn't get it though. He doesn't have any clue (I don't think) how important writing is to me. I think it's hard for him to grasp because writing and reading great books has never been high on his list of important things. I do this blog, just for the sake of seeing my thoughts OUT THERE... doesn't matter that it's not a novel, it's my thoughts, MY WORDS out of my head and into OUT THERE.

But things are just too nuts this year for me to even consider NaNoWriMo. I think next year, I could be ready, I could give it a real shot again. Next year I will not be a student, and I will only have work and family.

NaNo, I DO know. No.
Not this year. Yes, being a writer, being a PUBLISHED writer is a real dream of mine, but so is getting my degree. And having a great marriage. Some dreams have to be moved to the back burner occasionally. Maybe they'll stay there forever, maybe they will be moved up again some day. I just don't have enough front burners these days.

Thursday, October 11

Week of health care crap

That's what I'm calling this week. My family never really gets sick, we don't really see doctors that much. But it seems that suddenly, everyone is seeing SOMEONE for SOMETHING...this week.

Yesterday JP took Emma to the eye doctor to get an exam and new glasses. I had to work, otherwise I would have taken her, but I am trying to delegate, so JP handled it. He did a good job, too, I saw the receipt, I know. But in talking with Emma afterwards, I heard that she picked out some purple frames. Ugh. Oh well, she's a kid, and if she wants to wear purple, who am I to stop her?

Today when I'm done with classes at noon, I am rounding up all the children and JP is taking the afternoon off, and we are all going to the dentist. We make these appointments 6 months in advance, and they just put us in their appointment book as "the Nikky family" and all 5 of us just take over the office for about 3 hours. We all really like our dentist, the kids think he's funny and nice (and he prefers to be called "Dr. Erik" and the kids think that's great) I really like him because he looks like Tim Robbins a la Shawshank Redemption... so cute. Plus, he's the one who I first talked to about getting my braces. When I was talking to him (every time I talk to him) he wears his little mask thing, and I said something about "I'm thinking about getting braces while JP is in Iraq..." He pulled his mask down and smiled real big: metal mouth! He said "It's never too late!" He's got his off now, and he looks great.

Then tomorrow I am taking Alex in for a general physical and to have his chest X-rayed. His breast bone is protruding and looks goofy. It happened about a year ago, and when it happened, it actually got a huge bruise right in the middle of his chest. We went in to the ER and they said it was nothing, they did the films then, too, and said they didn't see anything out of the ordinary. REALLY? Don't you think the fact that his breast bone sticks out THAT FAR is a little out of the ordinary?? Of course, this was "Dr."Blair Nelson, the horrible asshole doctor from the ER that I think I have mentioned before and vented about before. I hate him. He is a quack.

I filled out my expense report at work last night (finally!) for my trip to Grand Forks, so soon I will have a deposit of just over $400 in my account. Plus my first pay check in over a year is coming in on Monday, so I am pretty excited about that. I'm trying to figure out where to send that money, and then JP blurts out "Remember that Alex and I are going down south hunting next weekend" so he's saying that he wants me to not pay extra on some bill, because he wants to use it to go hunting. A little bitter at first, but in reality it is a good thing. I'm all for Alex and his dad going pheasant hunting, spending some good quality guy time together. So fine, bills can be paid, but not overpaid. JP's relationship with his son is more important.

So, with all this health crap going on, I'd just like to say that I'm so happy that we have insurance. I cannot imagine trying to raise a family without it. I will not get political, and I do not know enough about it to have a hard and fast opinion, I just think it's sad that so many people in this country do not have insurance. Cannot imagine.

Tuesday, October 9

Can we just talk about how SMART I am??

hehehe

Got my Macro test back today. I got an 88%. Yes, that is the second highest in the class. My friends called me a bitch. Of course, they all scored... a bit lower than that. Like 30% lower.

I'm just relieved to have it over with, so now I can concentrate on the next Macro test that's coming up in two weeks (I know! Already? Again?) But I figure if I actually study a bit for this one, instead of just skimming my notes between frames at bowling on Monday night, I may have a shot at the highest grade in the class.

I'm just happy that the two worst days of the week are over. For another week anyway.

Spring Semester figured out

FINALLY!
I hate it when things are up in the air, and undecided.
Yesterday I sat with my advisor and figured out my spring (FINAL) semester classes.

I will be taking a wussy little 13 credits (that's what a girl gets for taking summer classes for 2 summers!) I really only need 11 to graduate, but I couldn't find a 1 credit technical elective... but it's fine, as you'll see (yeah, I'm grinnin' from ear to ear right now, I'm so freakin' happy)

Monday through Thursday (just like this semester, I have no Friday classes)

From 8 to 10 I have Intermediate Accounting
From 10 to 11 I have Fund/Non Profit Acct.
From 12 to 1 I have R.A.P. review (that's Registered Accounting Practicioner, it's a test, and the class is a review/prep for that exam)

And then, (hehe) I have my Internship. Yeah, that's right, my new job at the bank will count as an Internship, it's 3 credits that I DO have to pay for (well, not really, it's all grants) but I do not have to sit in a classroom and I do not have to buy a textbook for. Plus, oh, yeah, that's right, my "internship" job PAYS ME!

It's just great to have it settled.

Now, on to other things: bowling!
After knocking out the old bitches last week, we were alone in the #1 spot. We knocked those grannies all the way down to 3rd. Last night, we were up against the team in the #2 spot. Yeah, of course we kicked their asses. Weird thing was, we were given a 19 handicap. Supposedly, these women were a bit better than us. At least, that's what their averages told us. (that is how handicaps are figured, comparing averages) but even without the handicap, we beat them ALL THREE GAMES.
My average before last night was a 120. Of course, I had two decent games and one sucky one. Ended up with a 140, a 138 and (ugh) a 92. I still beat my average though, so next week, I'm guessing it will be up from 120 to maybe 121 or 122. As long as I match it, I'm fine, but beating it makes me happy.

I have Macro tonight. I'm a bit worried about that. I took a test last week, everyone else took the test the week before (when I was in Grand Forks, missed the test) So I know how everyone else did on it, they whined and bitched, said it was SO HARD, and they all failed miserably. No kidding, some of my friends (smart girls) got scores in the 58% area. Yeah, that's a big fat F. When I took the test, I didn't think it was too hard. Yes, I admit, I'm certain I got a couple of things wrong, but I just didn't think it was that tough. Plus, I finished it in about half an hour, and the other girls were saying they spent a good hour to an hour & a half on it. I know I read fast, but holy crap, if you don't know the answer, it will NOT come to you if you sit and stare at it for another 20 minutes, I guarantee it!
So I'm nervous to see how I did on the test.

I started doing my work/study for Marcus this morning. I like him, he's fun. I hate the classes he teaches, but he's a funny guy and he's easy to talk to. He showed me a few things this morning, how to make copies THE WAY HE WANTS THEM, how to access his files so I can grade the assignments that students upload for him, different things, but it was not hard, and I think it will be a good second job for me.

Both my jobs limit how many hours per week I have have. The bank, I am limited to 17 hours per week, and the TA thing has a 10 hour per week limit. Yeah, not much, but every little bit helps when I am trying to pay off EVERYTHING.

Long post, huh?
Well, I don't have alot of time early in the week to sit at home with my laptop, so I have to wait til I get into my Business Income Tax class to play catch-up on emails, blogs (writing and reading) and occasionally, if I have time, I veg out with Pogo.com but I don't see myself having that kind of time today. I've babbled long enough in here for the day I guess. Now I'm off to read the lives of others!

Monday, October 8

Snogging literary characters!

Mrs. Who suggested that we discuss what characters in books we've read that we would consider... snog-able.

When I read her entry this morning, my mind went immediately to Sydney Carton. You know, from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

I first read that book when I was about 14, maybe 15. Certainly before any 'coming of age' activity. Well before I ever had a "real" boyfriend. In my mind, Lucie Manette was a fool. Sure, Charles Darnay was ok, a proper choice of suitors. But Sydney Carton was the one who made me swoon. Throughout the book, he was moody and usually drunk, and he didn't seem to care about his job or his future. The only thing he really seemed sure of was his love for Lucie. Bitch. She didn't deserve his pure love and devotion. She barely saw him as a man, she looked at him as a pity case.
I remember literally doing a *sigh* "I want a man to love me like that" when I read the end... "It is a far far better thing that I do, than I have ever done" Sydney gave his life so that the woman he loved could be happy. With another man. Hell, it still makes me sigh. If it'd been me, I would have dumped Charles, let him go to the guillotine and spent my life with Sydney Carton.

And of course, just for the excitement and darkness of it, I would also put Louis from Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire in the 'snog-able' category. Sure, he'd probably suck me dry and leave me for dead, but holy balls, what a way to go!

Hmmm, I think I have to add two books to my bedside table, I think I need to give each of those a re-read.

Saturday, October 6

Playing catch-up

Saturday night for this boring middle aged married girl means a few Mike's and a blog entry about what's been going on, now that I have a few minutes to sit (and sip) and catch my breath.

So, I've been asked about my job at the bank. Well, the short version of it is this:I LOVE IT! I was born to do a job like this. The long version is that I work with a bunch of NICE people. I've never had that before... it's sort of intimidating the way these women are. They're not like me. They don't say "the F word", hell, I bet they wouldn't say shit if they had a mouthful. They have "nice" conversations about things like the Deli honey ham that's on sale today only at the grocery store. I don't have conversations like that. I have crude conversations, and raunchy funny conversations. So I feel like I have to watch my mouth all day long. I know, that doesn't sound like a great environment, but in reality, that is what I've always wanted. To me, it feels like the first REAL job I've ever had. I have a job that doesn't require steel toed shoes or safety glasses. But in some ways, it's alot like other jobs I've had... everywhere you go, people are idiots, and people are mean. We are supposed to call them "clients" but basically, it's the people who bank here, and they think the world either DOES or SHOULD revolve around them. No, not all of them, but the obnoxious ones always seem to stand out, am I right?

So my schedule is pretty full...

Mondays: classes 8-3.... work from 3:30 til 5:45.... bowling from 6:30 til 9:30

Tuesdays: TA for Marcus 8-10... classes from 10 til 3... work from 3:30 til 5:45.... MacroEcon (I have one night class) from 6:30 til 9

Wednesdays: Classes from 8-2... work 3:30 to 5:45 (and then I get to go home and STAY home)

Thursdays: TA for Marcus 8-10... classes from 10 til 12... work varies here, either I start at 3:30 or 2. and I'm off at 5:45

Fridays: TA for Marcus 8-12... work 2-6:15.

Saturdays: work 8-12:15.

Sunday is the only day that I have NOTHING to do. Except homework. and housework. and sleep. and errands. and shopping. and football. (although the Vikings have a bye this weekend)

ok, time to grab more Mike's and get ready for the next episode of America's Next Top Model (yes, guilty pleasure!)

Thursday, October 4

I do it to myself...

OK, before I tell you, can I just remind everyone that

I SAID NO TO THE STUDENT SENATE

But I didn't say no to this:
Marcus requested that I sign up for the work/study program so he could "claim" me. It's a paid thing, roughly 10 hours per week. I'd be grading his papers, entering grades online, copying disks for him (He's a computer geek instructor...) stuff like that.

Anyway, I can fit it in pretty easily; after all, it's only 10 hours per week.
It doesn't pay fabulous, but more than minimum wage (by a couple of bucks) and with that few hours, it won't make me rich, but every little bit helps, ya know?

Well, gotta run (of course) I have to work at the bank in about 45 minutes.

Wednesday, October 3

Drawing a blank

I got nothin' today.

So... anybody want to suggest/ask something? Gimme a topic of some interest and maybe it will jar my brain.

Anyone?

Beuller?

Beuller?

Beuller?

Tuesday, October 2

Eat that, ya old bitch!

Bowling last night was wonderful.
My team is (was!) tied for first place... tied with "the old bitches" team. They're horrible mean old grannies. Shit you not, two of them are Lucy and Ethel. They're mean.
We played against them last night. We won two games and tied the third. That means that we are now in first place ALL BY OURSELVES!

I certainly did my part, most of the time, anyway. I had a 144, a 128 and (ugh!) a 105. My average before we bowled was a 118.

Last night was also my first real day of school and then work. It was nice, time seems to fly by at this job. The only complaint I have is that it is a killer on my feet. A little bit of stepping here and there, but mostly standing in one place. I have one pair of great shoes, feels like wearing slippers, and 2 pair of fairly comfortable ones. I need to get more of the slipper comfy ones though.

Other than being dead tired, and being a cranky bitch though, things went okay yesterday. I have to remember that he is here now and I don't have to do everything anymore, and I don't have to worry about everything anymore. He is my partner and he can take some of the responsibility so I don't have to carry it all anymore. It's hard to do, and it's hard to let it go.
But I need to. I'll work on that.