another debate, a big one
I'm debating again today, but this one is more important than getting out of bed (which, BTW, I did not on Tuesday...hehe)
I made mention of the nicey-nice bank conversations when I was talking about Kim leaving. Well, my boss talked to me Wednesday about Kim's leaving creating a position opening. A full time position. She said that if I wanted it, I would have to apply, and let me know how to do that. Then she said some things that made me think that SHE THINKS that I shouldn't. She made it sound like I should stay in my position, which goes to full time hours over the summer, but it is still a temporary position through August. She said things about making sure I could work with these people on a full time basis, that working with them for just a couple of hours per day is way different than all day, every day. I agree with that. But it almost sounded like she was saying that I don't fit in, and I should stick with my temp position until I realize that.
I've realized it for awhile now, but I (thought) I was faking my way along pretty well.
Here's the deal: these women are nice. I am not. I mean, I'm a fairly nice person and all, but holy shit, these women wouldn't say SHIT if they had a mouthful, and I, on the other hand, say it frequently. It's not just that, if it were a matter of me watching my mouth, um, DUH, I could do that, HELL, I DO DO THAT!
They have conversations that I simply cannot fathom. Full conversations about whether they would add onions or scallions to a recipe that they found in a Rachel Ray magazine. They're all excited about planting their gardens and their flower beds. They say things like "My goodness" where I say "holy crap" or "No shit?!" They forward email jokes that are non-offensive to ANYONE and that are non-funny to ANYONE, and they do their little laugh, that polite lady laugh.
I'm not like them. I don't think I will EVER be like them. I don't think I want to be like them.
I don't fit in.
I want to do the books for a company where I can go to work and wear jeans, and be comfortable being me!
Here I thought I had finally landed a dream job. It really was always my dream to work in a bank. I guess you just don't know what you're getting in to until you're there.
I am doing some serious thinking about what I want to do... I have until April 17th to bid on Kim's job, if I so choose. Otherwise I can just hang on with the temp position through the summer and see how it goes. If Barb is right, and it is very different working full time with them, different in a bad way, I will have a year of experience to take with me looking for something else. If it's different in a good way, then I will apply for full time at my bank in August.
ugh. i hate this.
3 comments:
Would you be able to go to school if you take Kim's position when it opens up? I just don't want you to quit your education. As far as the hoity toity women. They can kiss your ass...but I do know that it gets old working with fiddle farts where you can't say damn without them getting "offended". Do you have ANYBODY you really like that you could buddy with? Maybe another rebel in the group?
I feel I should say to FCAF that not all people who do not cuss, talk about recipes, and aren't sending out dirty jokes in email are hoity toity. Maybe that just isn't their style.
I do agree that work becomes miserable very fast if you are in a place where you don't feel like you fit in or if you're miserable. This job has been great for what you've needed it to be and maybe it is just experience for when the time comes and you're offered the perfect job!
First off, the date for starting the full position is May 18th... I graduate on May 16th, so don't worry Flat, I WILL NOT be losing out on my education!
Now, between Steff and Flat... you're both right. True that not all women (like described) are "hoity toity"... you're right there, Steff, but Flat did pin it right in THIS case. THEY are... hoity toity but not in a snotty look-down-their-noses kind of way, so at least that helps.
I think I have come to a conclusion, post on the subject is imminent!
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