Indecisiveness

It's been wonderful having him home. I have realized, however, that I had conveniently forgotten some stuff that irks me about him...

He is indecisive. I don't mean that he says "I don't know" when I ask him what he wants to do today. I mean he says "I don't care"

He's been this way as long as I've known him, and I guess, if I think hard and remember back, my reaction to this was to roll my eyes and make the decision myself. Maybe it just sticks out now as an "irk" because I have been making ALL the decisions for the past almost 2 years, and I feel like I want to include him, it's his right, as the other adult member of this family, to have a vote. Maybe I feel like I'm tired of making all the decisions, and perhaps he could take charge on a few, like what we're doing today, or what we should have for supper.

But honestly, is it too much to ask to get a real answer?

Honey, what do you want for supper?
I don't care.

COME ON!! Say 'meatloaf' or 'spaghetti', something, ANYTHING... have a freakin' opinion!

Some may say that this is a wonderful thing, and I should be grateful that he is not so domineering and isn't one of those 'my way or the highway' kind of guys. I get that, I appreciate that. That is, in fact, how I ended up with my children named the way I wanted, it's how I got my dog, and my second dog, and my cat, and my Kia... he usually lets me have my way. I do appreciate that, and in fact, I really love it... about the big things.

But dinner? Come on, please?

say "not chicken alfredo" at the very least...

Maybe he is doing this on purpose, maybe he is worried about coming back and rocking the boat, taking charge like a real dick, you know? I know he still reads this, so I'm hoping he will check back within the next couple of days and see that I DO want to hear his opinions, and I do value them, and I DO care what he thinks, and I DON'T see his opinions as a threat to the way I have been running this house since he's been gone.

I know, I should just sit down and talk to him about it, and I will tonight. That is one thing that we have been doing pretty good at, talking about things that have changed and how it affects us both. Maybe I was just using this post as a vent to collect my thoughts for the talk we will have later tonight.

Yeah, I've decided, that must be it.
See that? I made a decision... about something minute and small. I will talk to JP tonight about him and his lack of opinion.
It's not so tough, ya know...

Last night alone

I'm sitting in my bed...oops, OUR bed, and everything is done.
In the morning, I will get up at 7am, shower etc, then while the kids are showering, I will strip the bed, and make it with the nice sheets. I love LOVE the smell of crisp clean bedding.

Tonight (after seeing Harry Potter this afternoon) the kids and I went from one room to the next, working together and got a room clean and then left it... a clean room is now off limits!

We went through the entire house like that, and the kids worked really well together. I did allow the boys back into the living room for Playstation purposes, with Alex's solemn vow that he would return the game and the hand/clicker/thingys to the cabinet where they belong.

I folded the last load of clothes and settled in to bed, now I'm exhausted, but I am forcing myself to stay up for David Letterman and Craig Ferguson. That will take me to just past midnight, and hopefully I will be able to fall asleep then.

I may not post for a day or two, so if the blogger's rockin', don't come a knockin'!!

less than 48 hours

Today was good, we got some last minute things done, got the propane tank for JP's new grill, got myself a new pair of jeans (because I lost a few lbs, all my other jeans could be yanked down!)

I think this is the outfit I'm going to wear to pick him up, maybe... excuse the ratty hair and no makeup, it's been a hot and sweaty working day, and at this point, I just didn't give a hoot.

Now I just need to finish a few things, and take the kids to the matinee tomorrow, to see the Harry Potter movie. That's our reward, our "relax and pass the little remaining time" project and then I think I will pop into the liquor store, get JP a case of beer and myself some Mike's for Thursday night and then take a couple of hours to myself in the bathroom tomorrow night, little "spa" time.

I took Excedrin PM to get to sleep last night and I am thinking I will need some tomorrow night too!

Wigging Out

Yeah.
I figured it out. The wigging out starts because I don't get enough sleep. I can't get to sleep because I can't stop thinking about things.
What's left to do?
How will it be when we go pick him up?
How will our life be when he gets home?

I was up until about 4 this morning. Just couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about EVERYTHING.
I woke up at 9 and I would love to go back to bed, but I have too much to do. Besides, if I sleep all day, I will be up all night worrying about what I didn't get done. If I get a bunch of stuff done today, maybe I can relax and sleep tonight.
But I doubt it.

BTW, It is HOT here. Just over 80 at 9am. Any work that I will be doing today will definitely be the INDOOR kind.
Did I ever mention how much I LOVE central air? It is truly a gift from the gods. Whoever invented AC should be called a Saint.

Well, that didn't take long

It took me 14 hours to finish the book.
And I laughed (a little) and I cried (a lot!)
It was by far THE BEST Harry Potter book, which, of course, makes sense, since it is the last one. So many questions answered and so many loved ones (and not so loved) were lost. I will not give away any secrets, since one can find out whatever they want online now that the book is officially released, but I will say this: This book is now in my top five of favorite books of all time.

To Kill A Mockingbird - Harper Lee
A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling
The Bastard (The entire 7 book series, "the Kent family chronicles, actually) - John Jakes
It - Stephen King

That's it, that's my top five, not in order, I doubt I could be forced to number them from there.

I'll be gone for a few days

'Nuff said.

Going Postal!

No, I'm not wigging out yet, I'm going to the post office... with this.

Steff, I realized after I taped the box up that I didn't include a note or anything in there...guess I was so concerned with taking pics of it, just zoned it out. Anyway, here they are, and in a few minutes, I will be up at the post office sending them in your direction. I hope they make it ok, I put each jar in a ziplock bag, and bundled them in extra towels (throw them out, use them to scrub gross things, whatever... they were in the "dog drying towel" drawer, so they're not that big a deal to me)

So you'll have to let me know when they arrive, and if they're broken! (Oh, gosh, I hope not...messy!)

Thursday the 26th!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Sorry, had to let out a 'happy holler' first.

Now that THAT is out of the way...

I GET TO GO GET MY HUSBAND IN ONE WEEK!!

We (the kids and I) will drive down to Camp Ripley (about 2 hours Southeast) and pick him up after a short 10 minute assembly type thing.

We will be taking the truck, gas prices be damned!

That man deserves to drive his new truck on his way home.

Now I can start wigging out, right? I haven't yet, and it's actually starting to worry me. I wig out, that's what I do. I procrastinate and then I wig out. That's what I thought I did, that's what I assumed I would do. I haven't yet though.

I have so much to do (see what I'm doing here? I'm trying to force the wigging, cuz the wigging brings results) I have to clean the laundry room, I have to clean my (OUR) bedroom, and I have to get all 3 kids' rooms done...they're helping with that, I'm not cleaning those rooms by myself! I also want to get the sun porch swept, vacuumed and mopped. I want to clean up the garage, plus wash the truck.

killin' and cleanin'

That's what I've been up to the last couple of days.

The kids and I, with Mom's help, worked hard on that 10 page list, got quite a bit done, and I've spent time out at Mom's shooting things.

I got a squirrel, and two blackbirds. (yes, I know, shooting birds is not good, and we don't shoot anything but the evil ones. Blackbirds are mean to the little finches and warblers and nuthatches and wrens and hummingbirds. They pig out on the food Mom puts out in the feeders and the little sweet birds don't get any)

Now I have to pack up some jelly.

Lots of Talking

I have talked to my husband more times in the last 17 hours than I have in the last 17 months!
And I mean TALKING, not Instant Messaging, not email... actual voices, talking to each other.

He's in Wisconsin now, at Fort McCoy. It sounds like he will be home on the 26th or 27th.

I cannot describe how relieved I am that he is back safe in the U.S. Now when I make plans I can say "JP and the kids and I" instead of just "me and the kids". I just love the sound of it; including him again. A very big and very important part of our family has been missing for far too long and I can't tell you how good it feels to be this close to being whole again.

I can't wait for the day I will see him sitting in his recliner drinking a beer and yelling at the umpire for a shitty call against his Twins. I talked to him about he and I going down to the Cities to catch a few games in August before I go back to school, he seemed pretty happy about that.

Such anticipation and joy I have never felt. Even with his last deployment, to Bosnia, it was not like this.

That deployment was so different, it was only 10 months, and it was a peacekeeping mission. There in Bosnia, the war was over, and they were spending their time helping to rebuild towns, and helping families.

This deployment, now a week from being over with, has been going on since September of 2005. Think about that, what were you doing then? How has your life changed since then? Seems like forever ago, right? That was the last time my husband lived in his own home. I can't imagine how awful it was for him over there, and to be honest, he had a relatively safe job, in comparison. He was not out driving around in convoys, which is how a lot of soldiers end up getting injured or worse. But just being in that country, your life is in jeopardy. There is no safe place, no safe job in Iraq. I am not a religious person. I don't even know if I believe in a god. But someone or something was watching over him, and knew that I could not handle it if he were taken from this family. He and I were meant to be together, even if we had to spend a couple of years apart, in the end,

we belong together.
And soon, we will be again.

I love Maine

Stephen King is in Maine, but that's not why I love Maine.

They have great lobster there, but that's not why I love Maine.

What they have there RIGHT NOW, for a limited time only at the Bangor International Airport is why I love Maine.

JP called me this morning shortly after 5:30 am to tell me that he was in Maine.

My husband is safe. He is coming home soon. Within a week or so. I'm sitting here bawling with joy as I type the words. I still have to call his parents to pass on the good news. I think I better get over the crying before I call them. They're not big fans of emotions. Oh, to hell with them, I can be emotional if I want to, he's MY husband!

Now I can start wigging out. Now I can start stressing about my 10 page list that isn't done. Wigging out really helps to pass the time, actually. Before I know it, he will be walking in that door, and my 10 page list will either be done, or it won't. All that will matter is my husband walking in that door.

Let the SUMMER begin!

I celebrated my final summer class with a nice cold Mike's Hard Lemonade (ok, ok, 3 Mike's) with Jen. I was still home by 6:30!

And that's all folks... No more teachers, no more books (blah blah blah, I can't remember the rest)

I got A's in both classes.
Now I have nothing to study until late August... unless you count studying my gorgeous husband's eyes... and his ass, yeah, beautiful eyes, and a nice grab-able ass. Now THAT is something I could study for a very long time.

I still haven't heard from him, getting a little annoyed at that. I guess that means he's not in the States yet, but I am pretty sure he's out of THERE, at least. That's good enough for now.

I am still sore from twisting wrong during my friend's move Friday and Saturday... think I will skip softball tomorrow night. I think I have missed as many games as I have pitched... I think I'm too old for this, I'm always getting hurt.

Time for Tylenol with codeine so I can sleep.

He's a travelin' man

I do believe that my husband is traveling today. His first stop will be Kuwait. He will be there anywhere from 1-4 days, then it's off to Wisconsin for a stay ranging from 5 to 10 days.

THEN, he gets on a bus and comes HOME!!

Here's the question... I started this blog to keep him posted on what we were up to.
Now that he's coming home, what the hell will this blog become?

I'm thinking on it.
I suppose I could put my NaNoWriMo up on here as I edit it. Gawd, that could get long tho.

Guess I could get all philosophical and blog about the meaning of life or... maybe do a "my opinion on things in the news" or reviews on stuff, movies, books, crap like that.

Yeah, that's what ya'll want to hear, my opinion on crap, right?

I'm still thinking.

Being a good friend is a real P.I.T.A.

Sometimes I just hate this.
It shouldn't be a roll-your-eyes, waste an entire day STRUGGLE to be friends with someone.

Yes, I have been trapped by the age old question "What are you doing Saturday?"

AND LIKE AN IDIOT, I SAID "Not much, what's up?"


So I have to go now, and help a friend move... to a SECOND STORY apartment...

I have no more ethics

classes, that is!

I went in and took the final exam today, walked out 20 minutes after I walked in.
I was pretty happy as I took the test, I'd get to a question and KNOW the answer before I read the multiple choice options. On SOME of them, well most of them. There were a few that I was fuzzy about and was able to narrow it down.

I must give my instructor credit, when I checked online at 5pm, he already had the tests graded and posted. I got 3 wrong, and ended up with a 90% on the final exam.

That gives me 94.5% for the class, and that, my friends, is another A for me!

Now all I have left to do is clean up the rough draft of my College Writing II paper and call it a final draft, hand that in Monday night, and that's another A. Yes, I may sound rather sure of myself, but even if I bomb this paper and only get a B on it, I will still pull an A for the class. This teacher LOVES me, and writing is certainly not something I sweat about.

And that, kids, is how one pulls their GPA up from a 3.93 to a... well, I don't know, but I will find out when these two grades are officially posted to my transcript.

And today, I did not see my husband online. I am hoping that means he has left his shitty little home in the sand and is doing some traveling. Traveling in this direction...

Ethics final

I got my grade on that Ethics paper I turned in on Monday...38/40... which is 95%! Holy shit, I lost 2 points, and it dropped me all the way to 95%

So throughout the class, I have 5 points less than the total points possible... and for the class I am currently at 96.4% Yes, that's an A, but the final exam is tomorrow, and it's worth about 30% of the total grade. So technically, I could still fail this class!

So I am up late studying, and writing notes hoping that the mere act of rewriting these things will make them stick in my brain.
The one thing I have going for me is that the test is multiple choice. I kick ass at those. I can usually rule out at least one if not 2 or 3 of the 5 possibilities right off the bat. Then, just by seeing the answer, I can usually get them. Now, if this were a fill-in-the-blank test, or worse, an essay answer type thing, I'd really be screwed.

So I am slipping in to my nice cool bed this evening with Aristotle, David Hume, Mill, Williams, Plato and Socrates. I will be lulled to sleep by their timeless words of wisdom (and it will NOT take long, I guarantee it, gawd, how dull!)

Socrates. I can't seem to bring myself to say it soc-ra-tees. Thanks to Bill and Ted, I am forever forced to say it (silently to myself, thank goodness)

So-crates.

Please tell me that I am not the only one?

Almost done...

My summer session is winding down.

I submitted my word doc. for my Ethics final paper, the word count requirement was 1500, and I ended up with just over 2900. It's worth 25% of my grade, so I hope I did alright on it. We have the final exam on Thursday, then that class is done.

I am meeting Jen at the library tomorrow to do research for our Argumentative Papers. The rough draft of that 4 page paper is due on Wednesday afternoon. The final draft is due next Monday, and then that class is done.

So I am online tonight to get some more research done, maybe get a good outline started for this paper. Ugh, I wish I didn't have to write it, since I have to study for the Ethics final yet, too.

It'll all be over a week from today, so if I can just muddle through for a little longer, I can finally enjoy a 'summer' for a bit before my fall semester starts (on August 28th...damn, that seems early to me!)

Me and the kids

I had this picture taken of the kids and I right after the wedding.

Now, I am in heels, but still, holy crap, Alex is getting tall!

Notice my hair? I got it cut yesterday, long layers, I really like it, she said she didn't take off too much of the length, but yeah, she really did. She said she'd just clean up the ends, take off 1/2 an inch or so, but it must be a good 2 to 3 inches shorter. Plus the layers make it feel shorter, too, I think.

Anyway, see the pearls? Well, the necklace anyway, can't see the bracelet or the earrings.

I'm glad to be home, glad it's over, and I have all 3 of the kids back now.

Now I can concentrate on my Ethics final and my Writing II final paper.

THEN I can concentrate on getting everything ready for my husband to COME HOME!!

I've been up to my ass in Ethics

I haven't been posting much the last week or so, I got my final paper assignment for my Ethics class Monday night. We read two novels during the class, Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse and The Stranger by Albert Camus. Both were horribly dull and irrelevant to me, but apparently relevant to ethics and my teacher as well.

The final paper assignment was to give a synopsis of both novels, then compare and contrast the two main characters, etc, yadda yadda yadda...dull dull dull. There was a minimum word count on the assignment, too. This guy doesn't do page requirements, like other writing classes I've had, he has a real boner for the word count feature on Microsoft Word. Fine. Whatever.

I started this paper Monday night after I got home from class. I have worked on it a minimum of 4 hours per day, often more like 6 to 7. I finished it this afternoon around 3. My word count? Yeah, I think I'll just squeak by with 2,948 words.

Main thing is, IT IS DONE! Now all I have to worry about for that class is the final exam, which is Thursday the 12th. I have a study guide for it, he gave it to us. I haven't even looked at that, haven't had time.

I also have to get started on my last paper for College Writing II, which is an argumentative paper on the topic of my choice. I have decided to argue against women having babies late in life. Now, now, don't get all defensive if you're one of them. I really don't care, I mean, to each his (her) own, I just had to choose a topic that was related to something we read during the course. We read some really crappy stuff, and this was the best I could come up with. Thing is, it requires so much research, I will probably be at the library for hours looking up crap. The rough draft of this paper is due Thursday the 12th as well. The final draft of it is due on the last day of that class, Monday the 16th. There is a real good chance that my husband will be in the United States as I turn in my final paper...

Yeah, we are getting that friggin' close!

I am using tomorrow to clean house and get packed, since Saturday morning we are heading down south for Nikki's wedding. That, and I want my Emma back. It's too quiet here without her. Plus she's running up phone bills for all my in-laws, I'm sure. She calls almost every day, she really misses us...well, not her brothers, I guess it's just me.

I will try to get a good picture of the kids and I at the wedding. I think JP will be amazed at how much the kids have grown. Alex, for sure. He is something like 5'7" or 8" now. He's the same height as my mom. Of course, I will be wearing heels in the picture, but still, that kid is just getting too damn tall!

Counting the weeks is better than counting the months, soon I will count the days.
I dream of a day when there'll be no countdown.

4th of July

I think it's fitting that my husband be awarded the Bronze Star today.

He asked me not to give the details of the letter he received explaining his meritorious services to fellow soldiers and to his country. He is a stoic and humble man. He is a good man, the best man I have ever known. I could not be more proud of him than I am today.

I love you honey, I will see you soon.