Enough

Tonight was bad. I have had enough. Enough of kids who don't listen, enough of a messy house, enough of a shitty job that works me til I'm too tired to do things around the house. I come home and I just want to go to bed, but I can't because there's supper, laundry, always a messy house. I just can't seem to get caught up. Every time I think "this weekend, that's when I'll get a super clean going, and that's when I will finally get through the load of laundry piling up on the floor". But something always comes up, and that mystical weekend slips by again. The only plus of that is that I can see time passing. But it's passing with me getting nothing done.

I actually had to start another ledger of debt. I'm not happy about that. There are 3 things in it now, and I will have to add another as soon as I get the paperwork from Capital One, they're financing my braces. The Military Star card, Target, and Menards are the other 3. I also made a note on the Menard's page, that it must be paid off by July 1, 2006. The balance is $1,200. I will not pay finance charges on that! Of course, if it's not paid off by then, the finance charges are retro active, it will go back to when we first charged. That is just not an option! I will pay them off first, minimum payments to the others. The next one will be Target, balance is only $200 on that one. The next will be the braces. The total of it is $6600, and it's got a pretty high interest rate. It's a 60 month loan, with no penalty for prepayment. I plan to have it gone before you get home. I don't plan to still be using the ledger at all by the time you get home.

It's been a little over a week since we talked. It should be about a week before we can talk again. They won't STOP talking to me... all they do is talk, or tattle, depending on how you look at it. I just want to be left alone for awhile. Is that so wrong? I have my own problems, but I never get a chance to deal with them because there's all this other crap to deal with. Im just so tired of it. I just want to sit down and cry every day, but I can't because there's always more to do, always some shit to deal with, either here at home, or shit at work. I just want my family back to the way it was. NOW...

If you read this, promise me that you will come home. I cannot do this without you any longer than the fucking military requires me to. I just can't.