15 days, lack of class

We leave in 15 days. Since today is almost over, it's actually like 14. I have been getting things together, snacks and juice for the kids, watching for sales etc. I don't want to spend any more money on the drive than we have to. JP also suggested using cash as much as possible, avoid using the card in situations where someone might get the card numbers. The last thing we need to deal with is fraudulent charges. So I have been to the ATM the last 2 days taking out the $200 limit per day and socking it away. I will keep that up until I have the majority of our trip money in cash. I'm pretty sure we'd be safe using the card to pay for the hotel in Ellisville, it's a Best Western, a national chain. But I think maybe we should use cash at the place in Pensacola Beach.

Emma had a game today against Moorhead. The coaches for the other team, just like their Fargo neighbors showed a severe lack of class. They had our girls beat midway through the second period, something like 10 to nothing. And yet they did not pull a player. They didn't even make their girls do a minimum of 5 passes before scoring. I have seen some other teams do this, it's an understood show of good sportsmanship. Moorhead did not have good sportsmanship. I saw their girls score 4 times in 2 minutes. I think it's important in kids' sports that they learn how to lose. Believe me, our girls have learned that lesson. I don't think they deserve to be subjected to such a pounding. I'm so tempted to write a letter to their coaching staff. I'm sure it would just be received as a letter from a pissed off hockeymom. Despite this, our girls were not sore losers. They did the whole hand shake thing at the end of the beating, thanked the no class coaches for coming even! My daughter amazes me. On the way home, she did mention that yes, they got their butts handed to them, but then in the next breath, was asking me if I saw her smashing a Moorhead girl against the boards and taking the puck away from her... yes baby, I saw that. I was so proud of my little girl today.

Other than the hockey beating, today was a very lazy day. I even got to sleep in until 8:30! The kids and I watched movies pretty much all day. We did manage to get a few things done around here though. The laundry is done, Alex is about to head upstairs to load the dishwasher.

I have been getting bills ready to pay, too. Payday is Wednesday, and I want to figure out how much will be leftover for the trip, and to pay some of the bills that aren't really in the budget. The 3 from the ledger and things like the kids' lunches at school. Tabs are due on the old van, too, that's only $40 but I can do that by mail, and will get it out this week sometime.

Mom is coming up tomorrow, bringing 2 dressers to put into her room. Steven was at her place today and helped her load them into the back of her truck. I brought a load of things with me yesterday, a couple of boxes and a couple of rubbermaid tubs. She won't be storing near as much here this time as she did last time. I wish she felt like she could keep more, I hate the thought of her giving up EVERYTHING... When she gets her own place again, she will need some of this stuff . Besides, I don't think it's fair that she should have to part with everything. I understand that she can use the money from the selling of the stuff more than she can use the stuff, so I try to keep my mouth shut about it. She is an adult, and I know she has given this alot of thought. My heart just breaks for her though. I know that she is doing the right thing, I just wish she didn't have to.

Time to get the kids going on their school night duties. They have to clean up their rooms, get their clothes laid out for tomorrow, make sure their backpacks are empty of any papers etc that don't need to go back to school. Then they brush teeth and hair, and shower if it's their turn. We start this at 8 so that by 9, everythig is ready and done, and they can go to bed without any problems.

Trust issues

That's it, I'm done at McDonald's. We've had problems the last few months with tills being short. Not just a little either, I'm talking up to $90 short from one register. Ken started getting some heat from the owner about finding out who it is, and showing them the door. I can understand that, of course, if someone is stealing, they need to find out who, and take care of it. For the last week, I have come to work in the mornings, go into the office to do the deposit and books, and wow, look at that, Ken or Cynthia got their early and did that for me. I got chewed out by Cynthia this week for trying to get $25 worth of $1's for Ann on front counter. I was informed that it was HER safe, and nobody needed to be in it but her. Well, if she had been around, I wouldn't have had to do her job!! I feel like they suddenly don't trust me, and I'm not the only one they're doing this to. Gina and Janean have both been suddenly treated like felons! I can understand Ken wanting to get to the bottom of this, but how about talking to your management team, telling them that until this issue is resolved, Ken and Cynthia will be the only 2 to touch money. Otherwise, it feels like were being accused. I don't like that.

So what I will do is this: When April 5th comes around and Ken wants my availability for May, I'm going to tell him not to put me on the schedule at all. I will not tell him that I'm quiting, just that I need a few weeks to figure it out. When May 5th comes around, and I go in to pick up my (last) check, I will drop off all my uniforms, too.

JP will be over there by then, and the money will be ok, won't even notice that I'm not bringing in a check. I will have to get another job, mostly for sanity's sake while he's deployed. And of course, things will get paid off quicker if I'm employed. Besides, I've found that I really pack on the weight when I'm not working, and that's the last thing I need!

I should look into the opening date for the Menard's out there by Walmart. I bet they need a financial type, bookkeeping type person. If nothing else, I do have over 3 years management experience to offer. Thanks McDonald's! Plus, I wonder what kind of employee discount they offer! I wonder if I can submit a resume/application before they open. I bet someone at the City can tell me where to do that.

I ordered a few things on Victoria's Secret online last night, nothing slinky, just some "vacation clothes" for our trip. I can't believe it's only 2 weeks from Monday!! It was taking forever to get here, and now that it's getting closer I feel like I'm so unprepared! I still have to get the oil changed on the van, get it cleaned out, get the last of the money figured out, and get things ready for food and drinks for the road. I will be getting the cooler from mom this weekend, that's one thing that will help me feel better. I need to go make a list of the things I need to make lists for. A list of things for the cooler, a list of clothes that I will pack for me, a list of clothes I will pack for JP, a list of things I will bring to keep the kids amused for 24 hours in the van. Listing calms me, don't judge!!LOL

Another day

Just another day closer to him. Went back to my normal work schedule, seems like a really long day now.
I got a call at work from Alex this afternoon, he's still having eye problems, some double vision and some pain. I called and got him in to see the doctor he saw before his surgery. He couldn't see anything that could mean infection, but he did have us make a follow up appointment for the 3rd. If there's no improvement by then, Im going to figure out a way for Alex to go see Dr. Mathison, the woman who did his surgery.

I am tired, I even went to bed early last night, but I'm still tired. I'm going to bed early tonight, too, and no reading until midnight, either! I didn't sleep well last night because the cat was in the room when the girls and I went in to bed. She was up purring and scratching and meowing all over the bed all night! I will make sure she's not hiding under the bed tonight, I just can't take it!

I've been doing much better on making dinner, I am pretty sure it's because I'm not tired from doing all the housework. The kids have done a great job so far, even helping each other out with chores. The house is just happier, nowhere near as much yelling, and Eric even took Emma to court and won tonight. They were starting to argue, and I heard Eric say "I'm taking you to court!" as I was coming up the stairs to suggest just that! I listened to both sides, and in the end, I had to side with Eric. He also learned not to gloat over his victory.

The kids were each allowed on the computer for half an hour tonight, because their chores were done. That was nice, too, no fighting over who's the computer hog, when time was up, that was it, next kid's turn.

Ok, now it's getting late, so I'm not even going to bed THAT early. I still have to get the dogs outside one last time, and get my clothes ready for tomorrow. Another day done though, that's the good thing.

some things are better

I can see some results of these new rules. I came home from work today and Emma was sweeping the kitchen and dining room. Alex's room is clean, and he's upstairs now putting away the clean dishes and reloading the dishwasher. I haven't had to do too much yelling either, just talking, reminding them. I didn't expect it to change overnight, there's still a bit of whine, but it is getting better. I have a clean uniform to wear to work tomorrow, due to Emma doing her chores. I just have to fold my clothes, that's my chore, and I have to get to it before I go to bed.

I'm pretty tired tonight, I was up at 5 a.m., to work at 6. Tomorrow, the kids go back to school, and I go back to normal. I'm sure it will feel nice to sleep in til 6 tomorrow! I also spent alot of time today running and doing, other than work. Since Emma's room was clean last night, I told her I would take her to Open Skate today, and of course, I had to get out on the ice, too. Now I'm paying for it, I'm pretty sore.

Mom is getting the ball rolling on her move. I picked up a change of address packet at the post office for her today. She is hoping to be entirely out by the 10th of March. With Emma's hockey schedule and then our trip, it will be tight, but we will be there to help her as much as possible. I know this isn't easy for her, and I'd like to be there for her as much as I can. Not just in the moving of furniture and 'stuff', but to be a shoulder for her, too.

I better get my chores done so I can go to bed... maybe I can talk to JP this week, he's working nights, so it won't be easy, plus with hockey and moving, weekends will be tough too. I miss him, it's only 3 weeks til I see him again, I can't wait!! I mailed him a package today, some fun things for him. Just stuff to keep him busy til we get there.

Time for chores and bed, tomorrow is another day (another day closer to him coming home!)

new rules, same old kids

Today was the first day with the kids having their chore lists. Alex said he did his, but didn't, Emma whined and avoided. Eric did his. Who would have thought?
Alex said he did his chores, and then left to spend the night at Dalton's for his birthday. After he left, I noticed that he didn't wash the dishes that don't fit in the dishwasher. He also filled the dishwasher, but didn't start it. I was mad about that until I looked at the dishes. He did a piss poor job of rinsing, so if he HAD run it, it would have been clogged anyway.
Emma was supposed to get her room clean today. I let her go to open skating with the understanding that it would get done today. When we discussed what was for supper tonight, I suggested pizza. I said that if rooms were clean, we could have a mini fun-night. I gave Emma until 1 hour before hockey practice. Her room was not clean, she wasn't working on it, unless I was directly talking (not yelling) about it. I started making some pasta crap for supper, and both kids gave me the "awww, what about pizza??" I had to explain to them that this was the consequence of them not doing their chores.
This is seriously going to take some work. I know in the end, it will be worth it. I just hope I don't go nuts before then.

I have to work tomorrow at 6 a.m. so I should get to bed soon. It's kind of a nice shift. I still have the majority of the day to get things done. But it's not even 9 p.m. and I'm exhausted. I still have to feed the dogs, just realized I forgot to feed them when I fed the kids and I. So much for getting to bed, guess that can wait a while longer.

Bought the first Cadbury Creme Egg of the season... I just love Easter.

things change

Sometimes things change for the better. Hasn't happened alot around here lately, but today it did. Mom came for the weekend, we had a family meeting. Hopefully it will help. The kids have taken on some responsibility, taking some of the burden off me. I already feel better, less stress, more relaxed. I haven't yelled all day. Just that is a vast improvement. I feel like maybe with these changes, we can handle this, maybe with things like this, I won't go postal. And maybe my kids and I will survive this.

We got some things done this weekend that I have been putting off due to necessity. I got some T-shirts framed, I got mom's help putting chicken wire around the big tree in the back yard so Comet can't rip any more bark off of it. She was well on her way to killing that tree. She was not happy to go out and see the change we made, it was like we took away her favorite outdoor chew toy.

I have almost $3,500 saved towards our trip so far. I don't want to have to use the Anytime Credit, so I will continue to sock away money until we leave. I don't want us to have to worry about every dime we spend, worry about being able to buy the kids stuff down there. I will have the next year after we get back from Mississippi to worry about money, I don't want to spend my last few days with my husband worrying about money.

I think I've decided what to do with my life. I mean, I think I want to know what I want to be when I grow up! I am going to check into the tech school here in town, see what it takes to get a degree in accounting. Funny how things work, I always hated math in school, now I want to get a degree and a career working with it. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think the alphabet has a place in math... accounting rarely uses letters. It's logical, if you do it right, the answer will always work out right. I would like to start classes in the fall, I don't know how that will effect my current job, don't really care. I think I should stay there through school, for the income, and as soon as I get a real job, using my accounting degree, I will kindly and without burning a bridge, bow out.

Emma has a game in Fergus Falls tomorrow. I really hope this one is at least close. Her game against Pequot Lakes was closer than the last couple, they only lost 7-0. but she was upset, losing that much can really get to a kid. She and I decided that we will go to the 2 open skates on Monday and Tuesday, the kids don't have school, and I work a shorter shift. Emma could certainly use the ice time, and if I go with her, maybe it will be fun, too.

Time for bed, big day tomorrow. I miss him, I love him, and now I know that I will be ok until he comes home.

a better day

Still a shitty day at work, but once 4 o'clock rolled around, it all got better. First off, mom was there waiting with a hug when I was about to leave work. Get home, and get another AFLAC check from Alex's accident. Eases the financial worries about the upcoming trip. Emma had a hockey game tonight, no they didn't win (they didn't play Alexandria!) but at least they didn't get completely humiliated. The score was 7-0. Shortly after coming home, my phone rings. It was him, finally, it was him. I started to cry just hearing his voice. It was so nice.

I was able to tell him quite a few things that had happened in the last 9 days. He couldn't talk long, it's never long enough. But I was able to let him know about mom being here, and the plan for her to come here and stay. He sounded relieved. I think she was worried that he would be upset. How could he be? He knows how much she means to me, he knows how close we are. Her being here could never be a bad thing. I'm sure he knows the stress I have, and just having her here will help ease that.

It's been a long day, the next 8 out of 9 days involve a cold hockey arena, so I'm going to get some sleep. I feel so much better today. Tons of weight lifted...

win-win

Once again, I find a situation presenting itself that is a benefit for both mom and I. We are so much alike, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that we need help at the same time. The beautiful part is, we can help each other while helping ourselves.

Just knowing that she is coming makes me smile... look at that, Nik's got her smile back... how nice.

I know she reads this, too, and I don't want her to get a big head (haha) but I gotta tell you, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. One might say "Your husband should be the best thing that ever happened to you" but without her raising me the way she did, without her being such an important part of my life, I don't know that I would have JP. If I didn't like her, I wouldn't have moved with her, and never would have met my husband, that's a big one. I probably would have fucked up my marriage shortly after it started if not for her advice.

And now, once again, she will keep me sane until he returns. "watch and learn grasshopper" ...
She and I talk about how were friends, best friends, but times like this make me see that we will always still be mother and daughter. All I could think of today at work was "I want my mommy" Im still her little girl. I still have so much to learn from her. I'm just lucky that she likes me enough to keep teaching me.

JP should feel very good about this. I wasn't doing well, not at all. When I don't do well, the kids do even worse. I needed help. I needed this. It's a win-win... I just hope mom is really really ok with it. I know she doesn't really want to leave her house, and I worry that she thinks she's either intruding, or going to be a burden to me and my family. That couldn't be farther from reality. I hope she knows (and if youre reading this, then believe it!!) how much we want and need her here.

Enough

Tonight was bad. I have had enough. Enough of kids who don't listen, enough of a messy house, enough of a shitty job that works me til I'm too tired to do things around the house. I come home and I just want to go to bed, but I can't because there's supper, laundry, always a messy house. I just can't seem to get caught up. Every time I think "this weekend, that's when I'll get a super clean going, and that's when I will finally get through the load of laundry piling up on the floor". But something always comes up, and that mystical weekend slips by again. The only plus of that is that I can see time passing. But it's passing with me getting nothing done.

I actually had to start another ledger of debt. I'm not happy about that. There are 3 things in it now, and I will have to add another as soon as I get the paperwork from Capital One, they're financing my braces. The Military Star card, Target, and Menards are the other 3. I also made a note on the Menard's page, that it must be paid off by July 1, 2006. The balance is $1,200. I will not pay finance charges on that! Of course, if it's not paid off by then, the finance charges are retro active, it will go back to when we first charged. That is just not an option! I will pay them off first, minimum payments to the others. The next one will be Target, balance is only $200 on that one. The next will be the braces. The total of it is $6600, and it's got a pretty high interest rate. It's a 60 month loan, with no penalty for prepayment. I plan to have it gone before you get home. I don't plan to still be using the ledger at all by the time you get home.

It's been a little over a week since we talked. It should be about a week before we can talk again. They won't STOP talking to me... all they do is talk, or tattle, depending on how you look at it. I just want to be left alone for awhile. Is that so wrong? I have my own problems, but I never get a chance to deal with them because there's all this other crap to deal with. Im just so tired of it. I just want to sit down and cry every day, but I can't because there's always more to do, always some shit to deal with, either here at home, or shit at work. I just want my family back to the way it was. NOW...

If you read this, promise me that you will come home. I cannot do this without you any longer than the fucking military requires me to. I just can't.

Valentine's Day

Today was hard, and today was nice. It was hard being alone. Missing you. It was nice because you remembered the flowers. And the balloon. And the bear. AND the box of chocolates!! You really outdid yourself. The card made me cry. The only way it could have been better would be if the card was in your handwriting, or if you delivered it!

Gina didn't want me to feel bad, being without you, so she brought me flowers too! She's a good friend. She has been just a great shoulder for me.

I made the call today, and got approved for financing for braces. Just the braces will be around $6600. The surgery for the jaw (and nose, if I go that route) will be more... probably much much more. I don't know just how far I'll go with this. It's pretty vain, getting a nose job. I never thought I was that vain. Maybe I always have been, but never had the money to do anything about it. Not that we do now, but we have the ability to pay things off better now. I can't help but weigh it out though. My nose versus paying off the KIA... my nose versus having more remodeling money for when you get back. Am I really that shallow? On one hand, I feel guilty for wanting this for myself. On the other hand, I look at all the stuff I paid off with the extra money last time. Sometimes I feel like I deserve this for me... but then I go right back to feeling guilty. I am ok with the braces, but it's the nose part that's really got me going back and forth.

I also took care of the hotel reservations today. Two rooms in Ellisville, 2 nights. Late check-in on the 16th in Pensacola. I'm really looking forward to this, and yet, as it was with the Christmas break, I am already dreading the end of it. I know it will go too fast, and then we will be driving away, leaving you again. Much more final this time though. With this one, I don't know when I will see you again. That's the part that really hurts my heart. Actually makes my chest ache. I miss you. I want you back.

Cards

I've been finding cards to send to you. Cute ones, sweet mushy lovey ones, some that say I love you, some say I miss you. I want you to get mail from me alot, so you think of me alot. It kinda bothers me that you don't do the same. I know, I know, that's just not you. But it IS me, so you should consider it. Then again, if I TELL you to do it, it's really pointless. I might as well send them to myself. I don't know if you realize how important it is to me to know that you're thinking of us, and that you miss us. I KNOW you do, I guess it must be a chick thing.

I was going through the closet yesterday, cleaning it up a bit, and I found the paper memoriabilia from our trip with the kids to the Dells. I found the answer card from that Wizard Quest place. I started to cry because I saw your handwriting on it. See? That's what I mean... something that I can hang on to, read again and again. Yes, it's wonderful to talk to you on the phone, and yes, I do enjoy chatting on the computer, but once I hang up, and once I close out the IM box, it's gone. It's a link to you that I can carry with me, I don't know if you realize how much I really need that.

The kids are getting ready for tomorrow, Emma is upstairs writing out her Valentine's cards to the kids in her class. I'm getting either depressed or annoyed with all the love and hearts and crap going around. I know it's just because you're not here. But I can't stop rolling my eyes and sticking out my tongue at all the romance bull out there. I will just be happy when it's over. I'll be happy when alot of stuff is over. Like hockey, the school year, this deployment, your 20 years... feel like I'm just sitting here waiting for better times to come along.
Guess I'll just sit here for the next 14 months... ha ha.

1 out of 3

She had 3 games this weekend. Saturday was a home game against Alexandria. It was their first win, and it was soo exciting!! They held on in the last seconds and won 6-5. I think the Alex team is a little more equal to our girls, more their speed. Sunday was not pretty. The morning game was bad, 16-0. The afternoon game just added unsult to injury, 15-0. The one high light was that our goalie blocked 56 shots. The other goalie only blocked 2... because there were only 2 shots on goal. Like I said, not pretty.

On another note, Alex is really starting to get that teenager attitude. I swear, Im gonna slap his face if I see him roll his eyes at me one more time. I borrowed him money to go to the dance last Friday night, told him he could work off the money. I also let him stay home today while I took Eric to see Emma's games. Told him to get the house clean today while I was gone. Yeah, that didn't happen. So now I'm the biggest bitch on Earth because I stood over him like a goddamn drill sgt while he cleaned the house after I got home. I'm tired, driving all over, spending hours on end in a cold arena watching a depressing ass whooping, come home to a messy house and a lazy kid. I've had enough, I want to end this stinking day, and I can't because I have to do a ton of laundry before I can go to bed.

I'm not sleeping well, and when I do, I have funky dreams. They're not even erotic dreams, that's the real pisser. Just weird shit... had a long series of dreams (over several nights) concerning "The Waltons"... AND I NEVER EVEN WATCHED THAT STUPID SHOW!! I'm going to try taking some excedrin PM tonight, see if that will help.

I really miss talking to you. You don't usually say much, but it just feels good to talk to you, tell you about my day... whine, let's just call it what it is! Putting it down in here is ok, helps to get it out, but it's not the same as having you hear it, and having you respond. I don't know what it will be like when youre over there, and I don't want to know! I'm sure it will be something like this, which is depressing and heart wrenching all at the same time. I know we've done this before, but it was not as long, and not as dangerous. So now I will worry about you. Last time I was worried about the kids and I being ok, and now I know that basically, we can do it, and god forbid we go through this without me worrying about something or someone. Lucky you, you get all the worry vibes this time.

We are leaving a month from tomorrow. I'm really starting to get excited, and of course, Im making lists already. I'm also worried about money. I THINK we'll be ok, but until it's over and we have a ton left, I will continue to worry.
Story of my life...

wish you were here

Some days are better than others, some days are worse. Today is one of the worst. I feel like I have so much to do, and so little time and energy to get it done. This weekend is all about hockey. A game today in town at noon, and 2 games tomorrow in Fargo, 10:30 and 3pm. I have things to get done, and I know if you were here we would be dividing up the chores and getting it done. We do make a great team. You take Emma to her games, I will keep the boys here and get the housework done, and get started on fixing up the old van so I can sell it and get some money for our trip. I bet you wish you could do that. I know you don't want to be there, I know you'd rather be here at home with us. No more time to whine, it has to get done. I guess I will have to do everything on my list tonight since tomorrow will be spent in Fargo. Do you have any idea how much I value you? Not just for what you do around here, but for how you make me better. You are the one who keeps me from wigging out (as often) and you are the real driving force behind our team. When youre not here and Im expected to step up, I feel like I dont do the job justice. I try, and I do ok, but I just know that if you were here, things would get done better and quicker. Everything is better when youre here, that's all.

Ya know what I hate?

First things first, people piss me off. Not all people, just the stupid ones. How to tell the stupid ones from the normal people?
Here's one way: Stupid people sit at a 4 way stop WAITING for someone else to come up, and come to a complete stop before they themselves go. HELLO? I'm still half a block away, and if you'd go NOW, I could do a quick pause-n-peek and GO!! You'd be out of my way before I get there!
How about the idiots who refuse to move over into the left lane of a 4 lane highway when a car (ME!) is trying to make a right turn onto said highway from a stop sign. If you'd just get the hell over, you could pass me very quickly, and get back into your precious right lane. It's called common courtesy, and obviously it is severely lacking in America today.
I also think people should have to pass some kind of written test before they are allowed to open a checking account. Part of my job every day is trying to decipher some moron's numbers on their check. How about next time I can't read it, I just make up a number? Instead of your check for $10.40, I'd send it on to be withdrawn from your account as $18.46... a few of those and just how f*cked up do you think your checking account would be? Dumbass.