wishful thinking

Ed: My goodness dear, you get through my transactions so much faster than the other girls, that really makes me happy.

Me: Well, Ed, I'll tell you why... I do your banking so quickly because I can't stand to be around you very long. You've got a horribly bad toupee, and scarily large teeth that I'm almost certain are made of wood, much like George Washington's, in fact, I'd be willing to bet they were a gift to you from him on his deathbed. Your skin reminds me of Pennywise the clown from the novel IT by Stephen King, reaching out from a gutter to grab small children. It wouldn't surprise me to see an alien pull open your jaws from the inside, like a kid opening a bag of potato chips, and come plopping out onto my counter, sitting briefly to get it's wits about it before lunging at me to sink it's razor sharp teeth into my jugular vein.