derailing

he makes me so mad sometimes, and I don't even think he realizes what a follower he is.
we are in debt, like most americans, but the thing is, we will ALWAYS be in debt because he cares too much about what people think. he cares too much about what's expected to be done.
example today that caused this rant?

it's the 4th of july. even tho we don't get paid til friday and have very little money (read: NONE) he still insisted that we go out yesterday and buy fireworks (state of MN fireworks are pretty pussy, so what was the point even?) that was $40. He insisted we go out and do something. Ok, let's take the dogs to the lake (my suggestion: it's free!) after we did that, he says we are going out to dinner. Just he and I and the youngest boy. that was another $50.
we have food in the house, but because it's the 4th of july, we must grill. IT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO... so we had to go to the store (note I said "we"... he had a couple of beers a few hours ago during the Twins game, so he made me drive) to buy grilling meats and potato salad. store bought potato salad is NASTY... but it must be done because TODAY IS THE 4TH OF JULY, AND THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE DO.

So, $40 fireworks, $50 dinner, and $45 grocery bill... that's $135 THAT WE DON'T HAVE.
We will never get out of debt with him... existing in the equation.

we pay our bills., always. I see to that. but to get ahead, to have money each month to pay extra, to try to eliminate bills sooner? Not with him. He sees ANY money in the account and figures it's free to be spent. Hell, as he showed in the last 24 hours, even when I tell him that we don't have any money, he still whips out the card (bank card, he's not allowed to carry the only credit card we own... I don't carry mine either) and swipes it without a fucking care in the world.

why should he care? HE doesn't have to balance the budget... I DO.

Maybe I need to budget an allowance for him. Spend it on anything you want... if you want McD's for supper, when there's food in the house, it comes from YOUR allowance. You think we need a stupid Blue ray copy of a movie? YOUR allowance. When it's gone, it's gone, and you have no access to the money... and believe me, if I could actually do this, his allowance would not be much.
But this is a dream, it will never happen. Because he's a man, he makes the majority of the money, and if he wants brat-burgers for dinner dammit, then he's gonna have it... he's not a chauvanistic pig, but he isn't a doormat either.

I just got a raise AND I quit smoking. That additional money is still going to be used. I will still write it in the checkbook register as "cigarettes", and the money will be sent to (insert name of lender here) Same goes for the amount of increase my bottom line paycheck receives with this raise. The way I see it, if you don't USE additional money for something specific, then it's like it's not really there. You don't really SAVE money, unless you move it into the savings account. Otherwise, money you "save" with coupons at the grocery store, hell, you just spend it elsewhere. It is not saved.

but my bitch today is about my husband derailing my efforts to free us from debt. He just doesn't get it. I've read books by Dave Ramsey... I would LOVE to do that whole snowball thing... but to get HIM to let me take a second job (OH.MY.GOD. what would "people" think???) to earn extra money would take an act of god.

He just cares too much about looking right, and what people think of him/us. And I just don't give a damn.