abnormal isn't good, is it?

At the request/pressuring of my mom, I made a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I've been having issues with dizziness, close to fainting for the past 2 years or so, but it's gotten a lot worse in the last few months. The visit was middle of last week. I got a call from my doctor's nurse yesterday... they want me to go in to see an actual OB/GYN because my PAP came back abnormal.

I don't do doctors. In fact, above, I said "my" doctor's nurse. He's not "my" doctor. I had never met him before. I don't have a regular doctor that I see. Because I don't get sick. In fact, the last time I was in to see a doctor was 5 years ago... before that, it was 7 years... and before that, it was probably for my 6 week checkup after giving birth to Eric...

I don't like going to doctors.
This is why.
Leave me alone, let me think everything is fine.
Because now that everything ISN'T fine, I have to wait a week for this follow up appointment to have them do ANOTHER PAP (which are awful and I hate them, but honestly, who does like them??) and then wait another week for the results of that.

I just want things in my life to progress along LIKE NORMAL. And now the worry of this has thrown a big monkey wrench in my normal.
And I am not happy.
I was raised with a saying that used to scare me, but now I get it, and I live by it:

IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY.
this momma ain't happy, folks... not at all.

I'm trying not to freak out, trying not to let my mind zoom to the worst case scenario, but how can ya not, right??

And to add to the pain in the ass of abnormal, I have another appointment tomorrow (set up at the original visit last week) for blood draw, a mammogram (never had one before, this should be fun!) and an EKG to try to figure out why I almost keel over dizzy every time I stand up. Doc said it could be a heart issue, so he orders an EKG... sure, whatever, add another thing to the list of crap for me to worry about.

I guess we'll see. but I'm not happy. I'm worried. And I hate that.

not snowballs, just snowflakes. for now

Dave Ramsey has this whole snowball thing, which I love.
Getting JP to love and embrace it is a whole different story.

So here's what I'm doing: Every other paycheck I throw an extra $165 towards the truck loan. By adding $165 to the "outgoing" money, it balances that paycheck with the other one. The "outgo" on both pay periods is exactly the same. That other paycheck, by the way, is the one that makes the "real" truck payment, amount of $325. It's not huge, not a snowball, just a nice sized snowflake.

Every other pay period, I write a check out to the school system here. It's for the lunch program for our 3 kids. Usually, we take a break from that in the summer. They now have an online payment option, so I don't have to send a check to school with a kid. That also means I can keep adding to the family lunch account all summer. The benefit of this is twofold: First, we won't be funking with the balance of life, and won't have that rude awakening in the fall when I have to start throwing money to feed my kids again. Second benefit: as my kids graduate (first one is gone in 2 months!) the amount it takes to feed them will decrease. By the time the last two (ages 14 & 15 now) get to be Seniors, we may be so far ahead that we can stop paying for lunches before they're done eating lunches.
It's a small snowflake that will get bigger as it rolls down the hill, I guess.

Next snowflake does require some sacrifice, but I think I can do it. Every pay period I tuck away 2 $20's to cover my bowling league nights, which are every Thursday. My league ends in about 4 weeks. After that, I will continue the 2 $20 tuck. And next fall, when bowling league starts up, I will decline. But continue to tuck. $40 every payday. $80 per month ( except those months that have 2 pay periods, of course) will add up nicely, and go back to the top of this post, to the truck.
The balance on the truck is just under 5K, so between the balancing $165, the $80 bowling money and the regular $325 monthly payment, it should be gone quick.

And THAT is when the real snowballs will start being thrown about....I'm guessing within a year.
And THAT is probably when I'll put up another post! I'm so bad!