Time passes

quickly, lately. It's already the end of June. I think I can attribute a lot of that to college. I only have 5 more classes in Comp, then I start with the math. That one is every day for 3 hours a day, so I doubt that will seem to fly by though. Hopefully sometime between the end of that class and the beginning of the fall semester Mom and I will be able to make it out to Michigan. It's been 3 years since I was out there. I think if we don't go at the end of August, it may be a very long time before I can go again. Once JP gets home, and I will be heading into my final year at school, I don;t think next summer will give me much time. I plan to take summer classes next year, too.

I have spent my day visiting dad, he was up at the cabin for a fishing weekend, then I came home and worked on my rough draft of my next essay. It's due Thursday. I also finished revisions on the final draft of another one that is due Tuesday.

I have to talk to JP about this mortgage refinancing we want to do. I have to get a Power of Attorney to do it without JP being here. I have checked into it, and I think it will be good for us. We have an adjustable rate mortgage and it is due to "adjust" this fall. I found a refinance option to lock us in, and it will be better in our budget. I can't talk to JP often, he still does not have his internet set up, so I can't give him too much time to think about this. He's gonna have to trust me on this one. But it's a financial decision, and he seems to think I know what I'm talking about.

I wish he could make them hurry with his internet, I miss talking to him everyday. This crap with getting a phone call every 3 or 4 days really sucks. Even though when we talk everyday, it's with instant messenger, and I cant hear his voice, it's still talking to him and I want it back.

But it's past Half Way Day, so now we can really start counting down. Only 9 months to go... if I were pregnant, (ewww, never mind!)

I love you JP. I miss you. Come home soon.

Had a couple of drinks tonight

To celebrate my big fat A in Comp, not only is it an A, but it's 107% of an A... Mom has the next 2 days off, stopped a drive off tonight at work, so she felt like celebrating and unwinding, so we ran to the liquor store in the truck and I picked up a 6 pack of Mike's and she got a big jug of Kahluah Mudslide, and we got mellow.(and funny... She and I are funny!!)

Then we got a phone call from Gina, she's out in the driveway, she and Kenter stopped in for a 3 hour visit, and we talked and laughed and drank... It was a good night.

I think I heard mom not feeling well in the bathroom downstairs before I came to bed, guess I'll ask her in the morning... But she was having a good time, and she needs to do that.

I wish JP were here, he'd love me in this mood. I'm happy.

My horoscope should have said...

Something about financial pictures becoming clearer today. (but no, I got a bunch of crap about forgiving past transgressions blah blah blah)
This is why my horoscope should have been about financial happiness today:
I got the wiener down at my insurance company checking into our rates, she says we should be able to get something lower, good records that we have and all. She says she will get back to me tomorrow, if not, I will be calling her. I want answers.

I also got a call out of the blue about refinancing or at least looking at our options concerning our (possibly shady) mortgage company, perhaps you've heard of them: Ameriquest... Yeah, big settlement payers in a recent lawsuit claiming they mislead a bunch of their customers... I'm pretty sure I want to get away from them. I will see what this other company has to say/offer, then talk to JP. If we end up refinancing, I can do that only if JP gives me a temporary Power of Attorney. Funny thing about getting this call is that JP and I were just talking about checking into them in the last few days. Before then, I knew very little about my mortgage, today, I know LOTS... And was able to NOT sound stupid talking to this woman on the phone. So she is going to do some checking and get back to me.

I also got a bill in the mail today, one I was actually looking forward to getting. If I can (and I can) pay Home Depot $250 before July 1, we will avoid the finance charges of almost $89. "Interest free for 6 months" is a great thing, if you can pay it off in 6 months... and I can.

Things happen for a reason, I tell ya. You can't tell me there isn't a purpose to everything that you do, every seemingly random act is done for a reason. That reason may not be clear to you right away, but eventually, you will look back and do a "Oh, geez, NOW I get it, that makes perfect sense now" It was just meant to be. Don't argue with fate, it'll bite you in the ass, just let it unwind the way it was meant to be.
In the end, everyone will be happy, everything will be fine. (BTW -- JP, YOUR end is FINE... Damn I miss your ass!!)

Who peed in YOUR cheerios today?

Have you heard this expression? You're in a bad mood,and someone asks you "geez, who peed in your cheerios this morning?"...Well I was having a good day, nope, pretty great. I decided (hindsight: do not share good things with brother) to call Steven and tell him about my great day.

He is the pisser.

Nothing more to say, Steven is the official Cheerio Pisser.

My first "grade" in 15 years

And ya know what it is???? It's an A....
Yeah, I was pretty happy. It wasn't the highest in the class, that honor went to Mr Creeps-me-out. But I also got 20/25 on the extra credit I turned in, so I'm happy.

I haven't talked to JP lately, I think he's on the move. He sent me an email with his new address, and I've already got 3 boxes just sitting here waiting. I am debating between sending all 3 at once, or dribbling them out over a week. There's stuff in all 3 that I want him to have right away. I really missed sending him things, and I want him to know that IM BAAACCKKKK.

Ray and Pierrette are coming up Friday or Saturday to swap kids. The plan is for them to spend a couple of days here, then head home with Eric, he's the last one. I miss Emma, she's such a chatterbox, but you don't notice it when she's here, it's like white noise in the background. My house is too quiet without her. When it's time to get Eric back, then the kids and I will drive down there, spend a couple of days, and give mom some time alone.

I'm sure it's not easy for her living here, it's a lot louder in my house than she's used to (even with Emma gone!!) So if we can head out for a few days, give her some peace and quiet, hopefully that will keep her from going postal quite as quickly. Gee, I wish my kids could drive, send them down alone, and spend some quiet time alone... in my house... that's just weird to think about.

I've been staying up too late, and I'm tired. Since I don't have to wait up for JP, pretty sure I won't be hearing from him til at least tomorrow, I should just go to bed.
yup....

First glimpse of grade

We turned in our journals on Thursday, got them back on Tuesday. Between the few assignments we entered in there, it was worth 35 points. I got 38. I also turned in an extra credit assignment tonight, worth 25 points, figured with not having seen how she feels about my essays, I may need those 25 points.

Next Tuesday, she will be returning our first essays, along with our current grade for the class. I am a bit concerned, only because I have no idea what to expect. Yes, I know she approved of what I had in my journal, but this essay is different. Our grade for the class is made up of 30% journal/class participation but 70% is the essays we do.

I got a lot done the last couple of days, everything from regular cleaning that has been neglected-- sweeping up (a golden retriever sized pile of dog hair) and mopping (scrubbing, really, hands and knees) the dining room and kitchen to things that will make it better around here. I rearranged the toolroom, put the cat's litter box and food in there, so the dogs have access to the laundry room and we put a bucket of water in there so the girls can drink when we're down here.

This week I have only sons, Emma is down in Albert Lea with the in-laws. My boys are getting along so nice, it's almost scary. Alex has been wonderful, playing with Eric, getting him to go outside and get active. They went out flying a kite, played football, and they even had a good water fight with little pistols and a bucket. I am really happy with Alex, he's really matured, he's being just a great brother. I sent him out mowing the lawn today, Emma's chore, and he did great with that, too.

I got some dark blue yarn, and started on the 3rd panel, so I have one black one and one light blue one done, I think the dark blue ones will be a different kind of knit, maybe I will have mom teach me how to pearl, or whatever those other ones are called.

I'm talking to JP now, so I should go...he's got the day off.

Now I am a pompous ass

I just finished my rough draft on my Rodriguez-like essay. I need to do an entry here to find myself again, shed off the arrogance of his style... I'm working on it.

I bought a flash drive for my laptop, so I can stick stuff on it, then transfer it to my home PC so I can print things out, another wonderful learning experience for me, getting rid of a bit more of the "computer stupid"...

I wanted to get up and work on my chairs a bit today, but its almost 4pm, and I just finished my homework...AND I ONLY HAVE ONE CLASS... imagine how it'll be when I'm carrying 19 credits...ugh, goodbye chairs, goodbye scrapbooking, goodbye television, goodbye to everything that isn't school related. oh well, some day . I remember feeling remorse when I realized after working at McShithole that I hadn't worked on any of my projects, but at least this time I'm giving up my hobbies for something worthwhile. And in the end, I will have something to show for it, not just a pittance paycheck and sore feet.

I've lost 10 lbs since leaving there. I thought for sure I would gain weight after leaving, not running around for a minimum of 8 hours a day... but I guess not eating 2/3 of my daily meals there has balanced it out. Good. Now to figure out a way to get rid of the last 10 to 15 lbs...

I have orientation tomorrow morning, I find that ironic, I've been going to class for almost a month, and I'm finally getting oriented. but there are some questions I have, so I'm looking forward to going. I don't know how long it will last, anywhere from 2 to 4 hours, depending on the testing I may or may not need to do.

I'm meeting the in-laws in St Cloud on Tuesday, get my son back, and get rid of my daughter for a week or so. Its so nice of them to do that, every summer, take each kid alone for a week. Being that far away, I'm sure they just want to spend some time with the kids. The other grandkids are closer, so they see them more often. Plus it's a nice break for me, and I really appreciate it.

Mom will be home from work soon, I will have her read over my Pompous Essay, see what she thinks of it. Then I have the rest of my (night) to do whatever I want... How about going to bed? Thinking like an obnoxious jerk is exhausting.

Richard Rodriguez is a pompous ass

One might ask, who IS Richard Rodriguez? He is the author of an essay I am required to read in my Eng. Comp. class. My teacher, in her (ha!) infinite wisdom is in love with this guy's writing. I find it wordy, snotty and belittling to me, and people like me...You know, people who DON'T have a PhD. Now my next assignment is to write my own essay in his style... In other words, I have to become a pompous ass who looks down their nose at everyone. Gee, I'm so looking forward to this assignment. Ugh. I already completely changed my first essay, after reading her comments on the rough draft we turned in last week. I'm not talking a few minor changes, I'm talking completely changed the entire focus of the essay. My rough draft was what I liked, now I'm trying to give her what she wants, so she will give me what I want: an A.

Well, anyway, today is payday, so I paid all the bills, and got everything squared away for the next 2 weeks.

JP is moving, can't talk too much about it, but he will be unable to receive mail for a couple of weeks, until he gets settled in his new home. It sounds like his new home is nicer than the dump he's in right now, and I'm glad, he deserves to be somewhere decent, if he must be there at all.

I talked to Steven today, actually had a nice conversation with him, he wasn't short and "I gotta go in 2 minutes, just wanted to say 'hi'." We talked for a little over half an hour, he even asked me how things were going, not just droning on about him, his life, his friends, his travels...His, his, his. So that was nice. (and I have a moment of pause, because here I sit, going on and on about me, but then I think, no, that's what a blog is for...Not appropriate for a phone call to your sister, but perfectly fine for blogs)

It's almost midnight, and I'm still up. Whenever I'm not working, I find that I do this. I am just a night person, I guess. I know I will be tired in the morning, because for some reason I cannot manage to sleep in really late anymore. I shocked the hell out of myself this morning...woke up at 5 am to pee and went back to bed UNTIL 10 AM!!! Of course, that is probably the reason I am still up now.

I guess I don't have much else, mom has tomorrow off, so we may do a little work on some projects around here. Now that the sun porch looks so nice and roomy, I would love to get going on my chairs, but I know that the tool room is still a mess, calling to me "clean me...Clean me"... aw, crap.

Busy Day

This was a rare day, mom has the day off, she works tonight, and I don't have anything planned, so we made it a "project finish day". We put the finishing touches on Alex's desk unit, installed his closet rods and stained the veneer tape for the edging. It looks so nice, almost like a professional did the job... Nope, just 2 women with power tools!

We also spent quite a bit of time out in the sun porch. I don't know if I mentioned that we had gone down to the Cities a few weeks ago, and Steven took us to the ReUse Center. I bought a bathroom style cabinet, about 8 feet long, and a counter top about 10 feet long. Now I have storage in my sun porch for all the kids' summer toys, the dogs' toys, and all those little things that I never knew where they belonged. I can't believe that adding a large piece of furniture to a room would actually make it seem bigger, but it really does. I was just out there, after we got a bunch of the clutter squared away...amazed at the "bigness" of it.

I still want to get some shelves put up out there, but that can wait, a bit. Mom is heading to work shortly, and I want to get some work done on the tool room while she's gone. It's just a mess in there, and as much as I love an organized room, I cannot believe I've let it get this bad. It's getting to the point where we can't find stuff, and we use things out of there all the time, with all these projects we've got going on.

I had a really nice visit with JP last night, he had the day off, and I stayed up late, it was so nice to see him and talk to him, and occasionally hear his voice. Things haven't been too bad, between school and projects here keeping me busy, and being able to talk to him often... Not a lot of time for sadness, just worry and missing him. We are shortly approaching "Half Way Day" and we are going to celebrate it like a freakin' holiday. The 22nd of June will be 9 months down, 9 to go. I can't believe it has been that long already, it seems to have flown by... And yet, some days, it just seems to drag. But May has gone quickly, I think school has had a lot to do with that, so hopefully the classes will keep the calendar flipping by.

I love you honey, more than anything or anyone
I miss you and I can't wait to get you back home where you belong.

Time for a big update

Wow, I got so busy that I didn't do anything in here for WAY too long.

School started, just one class, my favorite one, the College Writing. I met a girl in there who is in the Associate Accounting program, too. She will be starting her second year this fall though. She is so nice, I've already asked her a ton of questions, about classes, teachers, the homework load, and she is very patient and helpful. I have turned in one essay so far for class, the first draft, the teacher will be giving them back tomorrow night. I worry/wonder about her reaction to mine. It was a very personal essay, the assignment was to write our own "this I believe" essay, like the ones they have on NPR. The title of mine is "Butt Out", the basic premise is that I believe that people should butt out of other people's lives. Nacho Business.

I sold the van last week. Car soup didn't help at all. A guy that JP knows from Guards (who is NOT in Iraq) called asking if I was planning on selling it. We got to negotiating, and I got $2500 for it. So I was able to pay my summer tuition, and pay some of those annoying bills that don't have a place in the budget. Plus, now I can take it off our insurance, not that it will go down much, but it's better anyway.

I am typing this on my new laptop. I need one for the fall when I start with my actual accounting classes. But I wanted to have it early so I could get used to it. JP ordered it for me from over there. It's a Dell Inspiron... I really love it. He set me up with a DVD burner on it too, so as I make movies on the hard disk camcorder, I can make movies and send them over to him. I'm still working on that, the installing and downloading stuff. I am pretty computer stupid, but I'm getting better.

Mom got a job, I'm so happy for her. It's a good one for now anyway. She is the Assistant Manager of the Murphy gas station out by Walmart. It's just nice to see her happy again. I'm sure this Friday will be a really good day for her, it's her first payday. I had really gotten used to her and I being here together, so when she's gone all day, I miss her. I feel like we don't talk as much anymore, but that's okay, we can get together and have a good gab, and catch up on her days off.

The kids and I went down to Dad and Lorna's cabin this weekend, fishing yesterday and swimming today. It was pretty good, she was well behaved at least. Dad, as always, is wonderful and blind. I love him, but in his case, I really think it's either a case of 'love is blind' or 'ignorance is bliss'... I had a wonderful "ah ha!" moment the weekend before, down in Jackson. I found out that the sisters, Sue, Peg and Jeanne don't really care for my step monster. They hide it so well, I had no idea. When Jeanne slipped and said "Mike and Pauli will be here soon" the other two sisters actually did a little "I wish" thing! The general consensus seems to be that someone needs to remove the sizeable stick from out of her ass and beat her with it. I like that, my aunts are the best. My cousin Don is pretty great, too. His wife too. They found me a sitter so I could go out bar hopping that night. Don even danced with me, because, as a rule, I do not dance with women... Just one of the things Steven and I have in common.

I've been working with Comet on her fetching, she is so smart, I just showed her the ball, and said "ball" a couple of times, then after that, I could just tell her "Comet, get the ball" and she would. I'm not talking right after I throw it, and she's going to get it anyway. I'm talking dead ball, laying out in the yard, she didn't see it thrown, I tell her to get the ball and point, and she goes and picks it up. Smart dog. And big. We took all 4 girls to the vet a couple of weeks ago for their heartworm tests, Hailey is 59 lbs, Comet is 64. Mom's girls came in at 74 and 75, so they're still the heaviest, but Comet is the tallest. She is only 10 months old, I can't wait to see just how big she's going to get. I worry about how she and JP will get along. I know he will like her, they met at Christmas, and he seemed to like her a lot. But I worry that she will never listen to him the way she listens to me...But then again, Hailey doesn't either, and she grew up with both of us. I'm just the Alpha bitch to them, I guess.

Alex is the best kid ever. Right before our trip down to Mississippi and Florida, he got a report card, it was so bad. There were 3 F's, 2 D's and one B. He wasn't turning in assignments, he was not prepared for class, so he was being assigned detentions, just no effort at all. In a matter of 8 weeks, with help from Grandma, his final report card is 3 A's, 2 B's and one (high) C. I am so proud of the effort, and the work. He has really turned it around. The best part was his Celebrity Day project. Each kid has to chose a famous person, living or dead, research them, write up a Q&A for them, and an introduction to be read right before this "person" comes in to be interviewed. Then the kids have to become the person. For Alex, this meant coloring his hair black, going to thrift stores, my closet, mom's closet and eBay to get a costume together, including the bowler hat, the cane and the mustache. My son became Charlie Chaplin. Thanks to mom, he was in full stage makeup, he looked great. He was incredible. That day at school, the kids get a limo ride, returned to the school where they are bombarded with paparazzi, flashbulbs going off, red carpet, it was so cool. I know all of this because mom and I volunteered to help out that day, so we were there. Then the kids were divided into groups of 10 to 15, and each went to a different classroom, to be interviewed. These were videotaped, so I can get a copy of that. Their grade was based on the questions, the interview (how well they knew the answers) and the introduction they had written. At the end of it all, the students got to vote on who had the best costume... Yep, he won it, of course he did. He is awesome. His grade was a perfect 75/75. He knew his stuff, and was so much better than the other kids, I don't mean to sound biased, but he really was.

I found out something that people in this house are doing, sneaky behind my back. Eric got a bike for his last birthday. It's pretty big, I didn't want to have to buy him another one for a few years. He is (was) afraid of it, so he never rode it. Mom let me in on the secret. While I'm off at class every Tuesday and Thursday nights, Mom and Alex are helping Eric learn to ride his bike. He wants to keep it a secret so he can surprise me with it. From the sound of it, he's getting the hang of it, with a wonderful big brother right there being helpful and supportive. Alex continues to amaze me. He is really maturing. I hope JP is going to be ok with this. When he left, Alex was a kid, when he gets back, he's going to have to get used to his son having a girlfriend, wanting money to take his woman out on a date, to a school dance, being on the phone with her all the damn time... What am I saying? "I hope JP is ok with this"...Like it or not buddy, you've got a teenage son. And apparently, he's a chick magnet, based on the number of phone calls from girls. I don't even answer my phone anymore, it's never for me.

I should get to bed, I have a lot of installing and downloading crap to do tomorrow, I got a webcam for my laptop tonight. Plus I need to fix the error I'm getting when I try to burn DVD's. I have class tomorrow night, and a date with JP at 11pm, so I should go to bed now, and sleep in tomorrow.

A lot of things have changed and are changing around here, and I hope he knows that nothing will change how much we love him and miss him and want him HERE. I worry that the adjustment will be tough for him when he gets home, but hopefully I will get better at updating this, so he can get a heads up on things, so it won't be quite a shock to him. I worry about that.

I'm married to a 34 yr old man

Yesterday was JP's birthday. I hate the fact that he had to spend it over there. I had sent him the calendar for his birthday, and I think he liked that. With his new satellite thing up and running over there, we talk pretty much every day. He is 9 hours ahead of me, so when he's done working for the day, settling in for the night, I am eating lunch. If I were still working at McShithole, I wouldn't be able to talk to him near as much. So there's another plus. So yesterday, for his birthday, I got rid of mom for a while, and he and I had one of our online "dates". Haven't done that in a long time, it was nice.

Most of the time I think I'm doing pretty good here, too busy to wallow in missing him. Sending him packages all the time, getting ready for school, the projects mom and I have going on here, it's productive, and serves a purpose in keeping my mind busy, too. But a couple of nights ago, I did have a few moments of weakness. I was in bed, about to turn out my light when I saw the plastic bag tucked just under my dust ruffle. Inside that bag is the scent of my husband. When we got back from Florida, I discovered that I had some of JP's dirty laundry. I washed and put away all but one shirt. It smells like him. Mom had the idea to close it up in a plastic bag to preserve it. I pulled it out of the bag and just hugged if for a few minutes and cried. That's all I allowed myself. I put it back for another day, wiped my tears and went to sleep.

The Guards checks are still not right, and it's causing a real pain in my ass. I want to get the budget back to balanced, since the KIA payments can't come out of my checks anymore. The one nice thing about it is that when it does get straightened out, they will include all the back pay for the time since he's been over there. So I should be able to easily get things on track then.

I listed the old van on Carsoup.com yesterday, too. I'm hoping to sell that quickly, get it out of my way, stop paying insurance on it, and I could sure use the money, either for school, my laptop, or pay a big chunk of my braces off.

I have another package I'm getting ready to send, even though I sent him 2 just Monday. It's one of the only ways I feel like I have some control over the situation. It's the only way I have to still be able to take care of him. I just want him to be as comfortable as possible with such a horrible situation. Plus, I want him to always know that we are constantly thinking of him, and that we love and miss him every day.

I finished the black panel of the afghan I'm knitting. It's almost 6 feet long. I started last night on the next panel, it's a blue. I'm just going to use any color yarn I can find, it's just a simple knit, no pattern. Mostly it's something to keep my hands busy in the evenings. And it will be a heavy blanket for those winter nights when I'm all alone. I will be making it big enough though, so when JP comes back, he and I can cuddle under it together.

Nothing to do now on my college admissions except sit and wait. As soon as they get my transcripts from Jackson, they will send me more information, but until then, I have to be patient, and I'm not good at that. They also have all the financial aid information they need, just waiting to hear from the government on that one. Meanwhile, school starts in less than 2 weeks. I did find out that I can enroll in the college writing class without taking the prerequisite testing thanks to doing so well on my ACT tests 16 years ago. The admissions clerk called the instructor while I was there in her office, and he said I can go ahead and register for the class online, and if it won't let me (because I don't have the test scores entered online by the school) then I can bring it in, and he will sign off on it in person! I will need to take a Math accuplacer test, since my math score on my ACT was pretty low. But I should be ok, maybe a bit of brushing up with the help of Alex's math books. How awful, a 33 year old woman needs to study 6th grade math. But whatever it takes, that's what I'm willing to do!

Moving on

I found out that the summer session starts on May 16th, that's a lot sooner than I thought. I also got a list of classes offered in the summer. None of them are in the Accounting field, but I can get some generals out of the way, ease into it. I am thinking I will be taking 3 classes, one is Fundamentals of Math, one is Computer Basics and the other is College Writing. The 3 of them are worth 10 credits, and I wouldn't be taking more than 2 at a time. The first one to start ends the same day the 3rd begins. I would be busy from May 16th through August 11th though. That alone should make the summer go by quickly.

I filled out my F.A.F.S.A. online tonight, it is the single form to fill out for any and (almost) all financial aid. It was an online application, and it says I should be hearing from them within 2-3 days. I also printed out an application for a grant given to 3,000 military spouses and children each year. These grants run from $1,000 to $5,000. The amount given is based on the student's financial need. The sucky thing is that looking at our 2005 taxes, they're going to think I don't need a dime. I may need to take out a loan for the first year, but this time next year, when they see my tax forms for the year 2006, and see that I was trying to raise 3 kids on this income, I will probably have no trouble getting funding. None of the money JP makes in Iraq is taxable. So according to the IRS, we will be living on my short lived income from McDonald's, which was barely $4,000.

I also had a bright idea tonight. The lady who did our taxes this year is just starting her business. I'm guessing that's the main reason she offered her services free to all deployed military families. I'm wondering if next tax season, she may need an assistant. The college encourages work/study programs, I wonder if her tax service would qualify, and of course, if she were willing to take me. If she's not, I bet the college would know of some places where I could do some sort of internship. Good for the experience, also, I believe that it's worth some sort of college credit.

I sent off a package to JP this morning, it was a pretty big one. But the guy actually did what I asked him to, he made me a list! So I was determined to get him everything on the list. Everything from shower shoes to a hand held vacuum, razors to deodorant. Of course, I filled out the rest of the box with a few fun things that made me laugh when I bought them, I just hope he sees the humor. The box weighed just over 16 lbs., and cost almost $24 to send it priority. I won't make a habit of that, but this was a special occasion.

Alex is starting to see some results in his efforts to improve his grades. Mom has been helping him, and she's almost as pleased as he is. Mr. Zamzo hasn't posted his math grades yet, and we're starting to get annoyed about that, but we are trying to be patient. He has already turned 2 D's into 2 B's, and I'm pretty pleased about that.

Tomorrow Mom and I are going out to do some job hunting for her. She needs to drop off an application and pick another one up. She did find out that they offered the job at the Crisis Center to someone who had formal training with children. I guess I can't fault them for that. But I do think it's good for Mom to keep looking in fields other than manufacturing. She needs to keep all options open. I know the right one is out there for her, I just wish it would show up soon, she is going through bouts of self doubt and almost depression. I have no idea how to help her through this. I know she's worried about her future, and I have no way of calming those fears. I feel very helpless when she needs someone very helpful. I try to tell her how much she is helping me and the kids, try to reassure her that she raised 2 good kids who will see her through anything, but she hates that idea. She doesn't feel like she can be dependent on anyone. I don't think that's fair of her to put herself in a category like that. Everyone needs help at one time or another. She needs to admit that she is human, and accept the fact that she raised us to be the kind of people who love and help their family. Whether they like it or not, dammit!

I am a plumber

Well, no, but I can DO plumbing stuff! I don't think I could be a real plumber, my pants don't hang low showing my crack. The spray hose at the kitchen sink has been driving me nuts for quite some time. Today I decided to do something about it. I bought a replacement and crawled under there, took out the old one, and installed the new one. I even used teflon tape and checked for leaks. I like doing things like that. When JP is home, he just does it, and I do like that, just having things done, but this way, there is a better feeling of accomplishment. I CAN do things around here!

This morning we went to a fund raising breakfast at the American Legion. It was raising money for the FRG Emergency Fund. That's the money given to any soldier who needs to come home for emergency reasons. While there I met Diane K. The FRG leader here in D.L. I had emailed her Friday about the financial aid for my education. We stood and talked for about 15 minutes, I passed the info on to her about Skype, and told her about the satellite dish that JP and his guys had gotten. She said she would talk to her son, Justin about it. They were also selling shirts and car magnets. I got one of those yellow ribbon ones and it says "Keep My Husband Safe" on it. The T shirt I got is blue, and has their Rex Montis Bearcat shield on the back. I guess the main reason I got them was because I knew the money would go straight to the FRG. I have seen the magnets sold pretty much everywhere, but I don't feel like giving Walmart my money for something like that.

I have to get started on my financial aid applications tomorrow, and find out when the summer session starts, and what classes are offered. It feels very sudden, but I know once I get into it, I will be fine. Plus, it's like walking out of McDonald's... If I don't do it NOW, I may never. Some decisions are better off spur of the moment, for me at least.

I did some refiguring on the budget tonight. I may end up shuffling everything around. It's very lopsided with what's due and when. I'm pretty sure I can put a minimum of $400 per month into a savings account. Of course, I haven't figured in any money needed for school either. I hate when things are up in the air, but for now, it's going to have to be, and when it's all settled and squared away, things will be fine.

Time for bed, I may not have a job to get up for, but I do still have to get the kids up for school tomorrow.

Unlimited talk time

I am married to the smartest man ever. He got his computer set up with a satellite dish, so he has internet in the privacy of his room, then he downloads a thing so we can use the 'net as a phone, without the charges! He and I got to talk for almost 40 minutes today. It was so nice, just to have the time to have a decent talk, not feel rushed, not worry about forgetting to ask him something, just hearing his voice.

I had told him to read the blog, to get caught up on what was going on with work, or lack of, and my decision to go back to school. I admit, I wasn't looking forward to actually telling him, so I really pushed for him to read it instead. I don't know why I was worried about it. I hope he knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't have left if we needed the money really badly. I don't just quit jobs willy-nilly, but this had to be done. I asked him how he felt about it, and he said that since I do the money, and I say we'll be ok, then he's fine with it.

I hope he knows how much I love him, how important it is to me that he is ok with what I'm doing. I like to pretend that I wear the pants in this family, and yes, I usually do get my way, but if I thought he was disappointed in me, it would just kill me. I want him to be proud of me.

One door closes, another opens

I walked out today. When I got to work and got my check, I discovered that Ken had "forgotten" my vacation pay once again. This is the 3rd check since the trip, he's just an ass. So I clocked in, and called him at home. "Just had a quick question for you, I was wondering why my vacation pay wasn't on this check either ?" He came up with some excuse about 'You didn't request it'...OH MY GOD!! I didn't "request" it last year when JP and I went to Mexico. But there it was. Gina spoke to him about it last week, and his answer was in the plural (you guys should have reminded me, I'll get them on the next checks). Funny thing is, Gina got hers on this check. I have no problem believing that he had forgotten it, but since I turned in my 2 weeks' notice on the 14th, and the end of the pay period is the 15th, I'm guessing he made a conscience decision to give Gina hers, and since I'm leaving anyway, I don't get mine. So I get off the phone after listening to his lies, clocked out, hugged Culleen and tossed my keys on the counter and walked out.

I came home and got out of that awful uniform for the last time, and Mom and I ran some errands. The most important one was the college visit. There's a Tech College here in D.L., they offer an Accounting program. I am going to start in the summer, take just 2 classes or so, get a feel for it, it has been 15 years since I went to school! I'm a little scared, but I had to get out of there. I'm excited about this, and I just hope JP can be supportive. I know it's going to be quite a shock to him, he didn't even know I had turned in my notice. We haven't had the chance to talk much in the last 2 weeks.

I mailed off another package to him today. I hope he gets the first one I sent soon. Hell, maybe he's gotten it already, and just hasn't been able to call and let me know. I also picked up a few little things to put in the next box for him. The one I mailed today was mostly munchies, this next one is pretty much toys, things to keep his occupied, and hopefully, laughing.

I have to do a lot of checking tomorrow, I have to find my options for financial aid. I know there's a program through the military, just for spouses, and I will be taking full advantage of that. Being unemployed, with my husband deployed, 3 kids, I should be able to get some help. I just want something better for my life.

An Interview!

Mom got a call today and went in for an interview at the Crisis Center. It's a director of something. I called in a favor from Sarah, she works at the Crisis Center, and used to be a manager with me. She was able to give mom some insight into the job, and the office. They say they will be deciding by the end of this week, or early next week. I really hope she gets this, it's a whole new field for her, but I think a change is just what she needs... not to mention a paycheck!

I am having a hard time being in a bad mood at work lately. Funny, ever since I put in my 2 weeks' notice, I don't mind it as much. Light at the end of the tunnel, no doubt. I still haven't told JP, haven't had the chance yet. I hope he gets his internet thing set up soon. I miss seeing him, I miss talking to him.

When things settle down, I have to redo the budget. I want to put a line on there for "savings". I'd like to have a good sized chunk of change in there for when JP gets home, to do whatever he wants. Either a nice family vacation, or a big remodeling project. Let him decide. I wish there was a way to keep it a secret from him, but he reads this occasionally, and he also has access to our online banking. So the cat's out of the bag, but maybe it will give him time to figure out what to do with it when he gets home.

When he gets home... I like the sound of that.

Not today

I didn't go to work today, I am sick. Emma stayed home, too. She and I have the same cough, and raw sore throat, and sneezing and runny nose. Wow, the works! I will go in tomorrow though, I don't want my final check to be a weenie one. I slept until shortly after 11 this morning, it was pretty nice.

I spent my afternoon yesterday, after working until 11 am, working on sorting through my scrapbooking area. I haven't touched it since I started working at McDonald's. So I'm a little over 3&1/2 years behind. I didn't realize till I started going through the stuff just how smart I was. When I realized that I would stop being a Consultant for CM, I spent my last bit of money buying their more expensive things, just to have on hand, things I knew I would eventually use. I have 5 albums, for example, and at $36 each, that's a nice bit to have socked away. As soon as I have everything gone through, I can start working on them again.

The Girl Scout Cookies arrived late last week, and I'm getting a package ready to send to JP. This package will be all about the munchies. I have decided to part with one of my 12 boxes of Thin Mints to send to him. He really loves them, too. Maybe I will set aside a few more boxes, and send him some every couple of weeks.

It's only a little after 7 pm, and I'm heading up to bed shortly here. Even with sleeping so late today, I'm just beat. I've started taking those Echinacia tablets, supposed to help get over a cold faster. I hope so, I just feel awful.

Things have been better with mom here, I don't have time to sit and wallow. She has been good for me, but I worry that taking care of us has taken all of her time. Yes, she is applying for jobs here and there, but I worry that she isn't giving it the attention it deserves because she's busy helping my family. But she has had some interest in her house, hopefully it will sell soon, that would just be a blessing. I worry about her, I just want everything to work out for her.

Moving on

I finally decided that it's time to move on. I have worked at McDonald's for 3 years and 7 months. It was supposed to be a paycheck until I found a real job. I had stopped looking. That was my first mistake. When I decided to leave, a few months ago, I had convinced myself that I could last a little longer. I was thinking of waiting until the kids were done with school. But I've done the math, and turns out, I don't have to wait. Even if JP's pay wasn't about to jump with all the extras of being in a war zone, we have enough to cover all the bills with just his checks. I told Ken on Friday, that my last day would be Friday, April 28th. I simply cannot wait to get up on Monday the 1st of May, and NOT go there.

I am looking for another job, I turned in an application for the part time licensing clerk for the DMV at Becker County. I will continue to look, and apply only for jobs that will work for me. In the fall, I do believe I will be going back to school for Accounting. With some sort of degree, finding the right job should be a little easier.

Mom and I got so much done this weekend. I had mentioned wanting some shelves put up in the hidden living room closet, and she had heard me whine about my pantry not being a very efficient use of the space. We completely gutted it, painted it, to lighten it up in there, and cut new shelves, bigger ones. I cannot believe the space we have in there now. Mom is very fond of JP's power tools. It was nice having two drivers, one for drilling a pilot hole, and one for screwing. She also seemed to have a good time with the table saw. I know the kids appreciated her using the air compressor, they had flat or low tires on their bikes, and it was a beautiful weekend for riding. We put Grandpa's shelves up in the living room, along the longest wall. They fit there as if he had built them for the space. In order to make it look right, we had to completely rearrange the living room though, but it looks so nice now. I filled the shelves with some of my favorite things, and it makes the room so much better. She also gave Eric and Emma shelves in their bedrooms, something they both needed. Eric and Alex also got curtains hung in their windows.

We also took the dogs for walks. Comet is doing so well, I even took Hailey and Comet together tonight. They walked side by side, with Comet closest to me, Hailey on the outside. They both did very well.

I heard from JP tonight, on the computer. It had been a week since we talked last. He doesn't know about my 2 week's notice. We didn't get to chat very long. He told me that he has gotten something set up to get internet in his room, which is nice, he won't have to go to the computer lab when we want to chat, and adds a bit of privacy for any webcam "dates" we may have a chance at! He says it should be up and running in the next few days.

I do have to get to bed, I have a short day at work tomorrow, 6-11 am, since the kids don't have school. Only 10 days left, then I'm free.

Done and done

The auction is over. She doesn't have to go back there. I haven't been to a whole lot of auctions, so I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I was hoping she would have made more money than that. She says it's ok, she has enough to cover her April bills.

JP is over there now. I got an email from him with his new mailing address. It's a good thing, too. I just got his birthday present in the mail yesterday. I download my pictures from the digital camera to the Kodak Gallery website, then I can order prints. They also have a feature where I can make calendars with my photos. And the calendars don't have to run January through December. So I made a calendar for JP with pictures of us, the kids, the dogs, everything he misses. I made it run from May of 06 to April of 07. I will be mailing that out tomorrow.

I found out that my jaw surgery will not happen until next summer, they need my braces to be almost done moving my teeth before they move my jaw. As it turns out, it's a good thing, too. The insurance we are on now, through the military will not cover it. Next summer, when JP is back, and we are back with the City's insurance company, they will cover it.

Mom and I are working on getting her settled in, still have alot to do. Her computer and TV need to be hooked up yet, and she still have stuff in the porch, but she's getting there, and soon, when she is all moved in, we are going to start on a few projects around here for me. We want to redo some shelving in the pantry and the hidden closet in the living room, make better use of the spaces.

Tomorrow I am applying for a job. It's for Becker County, it's in the DMV office. It's only 24 hours per week, but I like that, and the starting pay is at least $2.50 more than I'm making at McDonald's. I've got to try, got to do something. I can't stay there much longer without wigging out and end up swearing at a customer and walking out. I'm just so sick of it. Just burned out, I guess.

I wish JP would call. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the feel of his arms around me, but a phone call can't fix that, so I will settle for his voice. I hate the fact that when we do talk, he can't say much. Operations Security prohibits him from giving any details of pretty much everything. I haven't talked to him since last weekend.

settling in

My mouth is getting better. My cheeks are getting used to the brackets, not quite as sore the last couple of days as they were right after the 'installation'. I am getting better at chewing, too. I even had the All-you-can-eat fried shrimp at Bonanza in St. Cloud Friday night.

Mom, Alex and I got so much done this weekend at her place. The house is almost completely void of all things mom is keeping. Just a few last minute things I will grab next weekend when I go down for the auction. The majority of the cleaning is done, too. I have to spend the night Friday in the empty house to be there Saturday morning for the carpet cleaner to come in. Mom left me a pile of blankets and comforters so I can camp out somewhere.

JP called tonight just as we were finishing dinner. He told me that he is going to re-enlist while he's over there. I knew he was going to, when he gets back from this deployment he will have 18 years in, and we were planning on him finishing out the 20. If he re-enlists while he's over there, not only is he eligible for the bonus, but also, since he is in a foreign country, a freaking war zone, all income is tax free. That means that any signing bonus will come straight here, do not pass Uncle Sam, they do not get to collect $200 (or however much they think they should get to take of it!) I guess if he's gotta do it, at least they can do is give him the damn money to make it worth his while. I just don't know how recruiters can get anyone to sign up for the Guards these days. The pay sucks, and gee, chances are pretty good that you will have to leave your loved ones for a good year, year and a half, and go into a war. I bet those guys down at the armory are just beatin' em off with a stick. War is just not good advertising for joining the Guard. If I cared at all, I'd almost feel bad for those guys just trying to do their jobs. But I don't care. I hope their job is hard, I hope they can't get a single person signed up. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd picket the armory. Have a big sign saying "Sign your life away LITERALLY... Apply within". Then again, would those silly little 18 yr old boys get my sarcasm?

Tomorrow I am going to see about my jaw surgery. I want mom to go with me. The appointment is in Fargo at 2:30 though. The kids would most likely get home before we would. I hope I can convince her that they can go to the community center and swim for awhile after they get home from school. I'd rather not go alone. I'd like her input on the whole thing.

Time to go to bed. Even tho I don't have to work tomorrow, I still have to get up early to get the kids going.