Almost a year??

Really? wow, how time flies when everything hits the fan, right?

So my medical issues are still being watched, turns out I have HPV, and need to get pap smears once every six months to watch for cervical abnormalities, which could lead to cervical cancer... every six months? Really? yuck.

I have turned my attentions to my financial life, and started a blog to track my progress. I mean, I am seriously going ape shit on getting rid of debt. Cannot describe how much I hate being in so much debt. We pay all our bills, and we are current on everything, but it really leaves us little for anything else. So we decided to wig out on it. Dave Ramsey style.

So that's it for now... See ya next year? Maybe sooner, who knows?

abnormal isn't good, is it?

At the request/pressuring of my mom, I made a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I've been having issues with dizziness, close to fainting for the past 2 years or so, but it's gotten a lot worse in the last few months. The visit was middle of last week. I got a call from my doctor's nurse yesterday... they want me to go in to see an actual OB/GYN because my PAP came back abnormal.

I don't do doctors. In fact, above, I said "my" doctor's nurse. He's not "my" doctor. I had never met him before. I don't have a regular doctor that I see. Because I don't get sick. In fact, the last time I was in to see a doctor was 5 years ago... before that, it was 7 years... and before that, it was probably for my 6 week checkup after giving birth to Eric...

I don't like going to doctors.
This is why.
Leave me alone, let me think everything is fine.
Because now that everything ISN'T fine, I have to wait a week for this follow up appointment to have them do ANOTHER PAP (which are awful and I hate them, but honestly, who does like them??) and then wait another week for the results of that.

I just want things in my life to progress along LIKE NORMAL. And now the worry of this has thrown a big monkey wrench in my normal.
And I am not happy.
I was raised with a saying that used to scare me, but now I get it, and I live by it:

IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY.
this momma ain't happy, folks... not at all.

I'm trying not to freak out, trying not to let my mind zoom to the worst case scenario, but how can ya not, right??

And to add to the pain in the ass of abnormal, I have another appointment tomorrow (set up at the original visit last week) for blood draw, a mammogram (never had one before, this should be fun!) and an EKG to try to figure out why I almost keel over dizzy every time I stand up. Doc said it could be a heart issue, so he orders an EKG... sure, whatever, add another thing to the list of crap for me to worry about.

I guess we'll see. but I'm not happy. I'm worried. And I hate that.

not snowballs, just snowflakes. for now

Dave Ramsey has this whole snowball thing, which I love.
Getting JP to love and embrace it is a whole different story.

So here's what I'm doing: Every other paycheck I throw an extra $165 towards the truck loan. By adding $165 to the "outgoing" money, it balances that paycheck with the other one. The "outgo" on both pay periods is exactly the same. That other paycheck, by the way, is the one that makes the "real" truck payment, amount of $325. It's not huge, not a snowball, just a nice sized snowflake.

Every other pay period, I write a check out to the school system here. It's for the lunch program for our 3 kids. Usually, we take a break from that in the summer. They now have an online payment option, so I don't have to send a check to school with a kid. That also means I can keep adding to the family lunch account all summer. The benefit of this is twofold: First, we won't be funking with the balance of life, and won't have that rude awakening in the fall when I have to start throwing money to feed my kids again. Second benefit: as my kids graduate (first one is gone in 2 months!) the amount it takes to feed them will decrease. By the time the last two (ages 14 & 15 now) get to be Seniors, we may be so far ahead that we can stop paying for lunches before they're done eating lunches.
It's a small snowflake that will get bigger as it rolls down the hill, I guess.

Next snowflake does require some sacrifice, but I think I can do it. Every pay period I tuck away 2 $20's to cover my bowling league nights, which are every Thursday. My league ends in about 4 weeks. After that, I will continue the 2 $20 tuck. And next fall, when bowling league starts up, I will decline. But continue to tuck. $40 every payday. $80 per month ( except those months that have 2 pay periods, of course) will add up nicely, and go back to the top of this post, to the truck.
The balance on the truck is just under 5K, so between the balancing $165, the $80 bowling money and the regular $325 monthly payment, it should be gone quick.

And THAT is when the real snowballs will start being thrown about....I'm guessing within a year.
And THAT is probably when I'll put up another post! I'm so bad!

364

As I sit here on the last September 18th I will spend in my 30's, I find myself taking stock of my life.

I have more debt than I ever wanted/expected. I need a new fence for my backyard. My front living room windows need replacing. My oldest child needs therapy, not mental, chemical dependancy. My only daughter received her first kiss last night, and as a result, my husband's guns are all freshly cleaned and he is now out pricing blow torches. My youngest child is taller than me, and I am not a short person.

There could be a lot to whine about. But in the bigger picture, things are okay.

I am over 18 years into a very successful marriage to the best man I have ever known. My mortgage is current. My husband and I are both gainfully employed. My job is challenging and some days, exhausting... but for the most part, I really enjoy it. My husband will never again leave us to serve his country. After over 20 years, 3 of it spent deployed to war zones, my husband is retired from the military. We survived that. All of us. Together.I have two golden retrievers and one tabby cat that are well behaved, well trained and well loved.

I have more to be thankful for than I have to whine about. And that, my friends, is a successful life.

derailing

he makes me so mad sometimes, and I don't even think he realizes what a follower he is.
we are in debt, like most americans, but the thing is, we will ALWAYS be in debt because he cares too much about what people think. he cares too much about what's expected to be done.
example today that caused this rant?

it's the 4th of july. even tho we don't get paid til friday and have very little money (read: NONE) he still insisted that we go out yesterday and buy fireworks (state of MN fireworks are pretty pussy, so what was the point even?) that was $40. He insisted we go out and do something. Ok, let's take the dogs to the lake (my suggestion: it's free!) after we did that, he says we are going out to dinner. Just he and I and the youngest boy. that was another $50.
we have food in the house, but because it's the 4th of july, we must grill. IT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO... so we had to go to the store (note I said "we"... he had a couple of beers a few hours ago during the Twins game, so he made me drive) to buy grilling meats and potato salad. store bought potato salad is NASTY... but it must be done because TODAY IS THE 4TH OF JULY, AND THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE DO.

So, $40 fireworks, $50 dinner, and $45 grocery bill... that's $135 THAT WE DON'T HAVE.
We will never get out of debt with him... existing in the equation.

we pay our bills., always. I see to that. but to get ahead, to have money each month to pay extra, to try to eliminate bills sooner? Not with him. He sees ANY money in the account and figures it's free to be spent. Hell, as he showed in the last 24 hours, even when I tell him that we don't have any money, he still whips out the card (bank card, he's not allowed to carry the only credit card we own... I don't carry mine either) and swipes it without a fucking care in the world.

why should he care? HE doesn't have to balance the budget... I DO.

Maybe I need to budget an allowance for him. Spend it on anything you want... if you want McD's for supper, when there's food in the house, it comes from YOUR allowance. You think we need a stupid Blue ray copy of a movie? YOUR allowance. When it's gone, it's gone, and you have no access to the money... and believe me, if I could actually do this, his allowance would not be much.
But this is a dream, it will never happen. Because he's a man, he makes the majority of the money, and if he wants brat-burgers for dinner dammit, then he's gonna have it... he's not a chauvanistic pig, but he isn't a doormat either.

I just got a raise AND I quit smoking. That additional money is still going to be used. I will still write it in the checkbook register as "cigarettes", and the money will be sent to (insert name of lender here) Same goes for the amount of increase my bottom line paycheck receives with this raise. The way I see it, if you don't USE additional money for something specific, then it's like it's not really there. You don't really SAVE money, unless you move it into the savings account. Otherwise, money you "save" with coupons at the grocery store, hell, you just spend it elsewhere. It is not saved.

but my bitch today is about my husband derailing my efforts to free us from debt. He just doesn't get it. I've read books by Dave Ramsey... I would LOVE to do that whole snowball thing... but to get HIM to let me take a second job (OH.MY.GOD. what would "people" think???) to earn extra money would take an act of god.

He just cares too much about looking right, and what people think of him/us. And I just don't give a damn.

Who's the best mom?

As Mother's Day approaches (which, coincidentally this year falls on my wedding anniversary! WooHoo! Double presents day! Oh, and 18 years of wedded bliss, I got that going for me, too!)

Anyway, as the day to celebrate Mom draws near, I find myself with a heart wrenching predicament... my oldest son is no longer living with us. He's been having issues at school. Rather, issues with ATTENDING school. There's other stuff going on, but the point is, a week and a half ago, he basically moved out. My mom lives about 6 blocks away, and she offered to take him in and turn his life into a therapy session.

After 10 days or so, he has improved. Hasn't missed a single class, hasn't even been tardy. Not once. His attitude and mood have improved by leaps and bounds!

So what's the problem? I'm torn here: Happy as hell that whatever is going on over there is working, but heartbroken that I couldn't help my son myself. I know, I know, I am NOT Happy Bunny; it's NOT all about me. I'm being selfish; at least he's getting help.

But what's wrong with me, and hubby, and our life and our home, that Alex needed to leave it to improve? I might be a bit jealous of my mom...

I still see Alex almost every day, but I do miss him. I realize that I was buffering him; from his father, from harm, from consequences. I needed to step back and do the whole "learn from your mistakes" game with him.

My mom is my best friend, without a doubt, I trust her with my life, my kids' lives, absolutely nothing I worry about there... she was a great mom to me, tough with the right amount of fun and discipline. Stands to reason that the same should be true as she deals with Alex.

My 'whine' is that what the hell is wrong with me, that I didn't SEE the way my mom raised me, and LEARN to do it for my kids? I feel like I failed him.

MSN Money advise BLOWS

In the past week, maybe two, certainly to coincide with tax season, MSN Money has had articles on "great ways to save money"...

They all assume that we are blathering idiots who throw our money away willy-nilly until they swoop in with their sage advise to save us. Give me a break...

Examples? You want examples? easy.

"Stop buying those $4 Starbucks coffees every morning on your way to work" Um, dumbass, I never did that... next.

"Stop going out to lunch with coworkers, bring leftovers from home instead" Not only do I not really care for most of my coworkers, I sure as hell wouldn't go spend my LUNCH with them, I use that time to get away from them; I sit out in my vehicle, drink a Diet Pepsi (from home) and smoke. No food = no expense. try again.

"Try store brands instead of name brands when grocery shopping" Dumbass, that's pretty much ALL I get.

What brought this rant on was the crap they spewed yesterday...
"Try the 50-30-20 budget"
50% for needs
30% for wants
20% for savings

They gave readers the opportunity to plug in their numbers, see where they sit. I tried it, just for "fun"... what a load. Now, we are doing better than we used to, we opened a savings account at a different bank than our normal... direct deposits from both of us each payday. Being at a different bank than usual, it's out of our way if we wanted access to the money. We don't have online access to it, no card access, nothing. It's working pretty good so far, but it sure as hell isn't anywhere near 20% of our monthly income.

But some is better than none, right?

I guess what I'd really like is some REAL advise, tips, ideas on how to shave a bit more off the monthly expenses. Main reason: shave some off the wants and send it to the needs, er, um, bills.

We'd be sitting pretty good without that one credit card bill. Not that it's hard to pay, the minimum in only $150 per month. But we send them $300 every two weeks. They get $600 from us each month. That's because the balance on that one card is so damn high, it would still take probably 3 or 4 years of payments that size to get rid of it.

Thought about/ thinking about looking for a part time job, Hell, I work 5 am to 2pm, so I've got time in the afternoons. Even if I only made $150 per week, that right there would be the $600 we send to Discover.

If anyone reading this has any advise for people who are already doing the basics, the obvious things, people who want REAL ideas, please, post them in the comments.

Other than that, I just wanted to whine and bitch a bit. I am a woman after all...

Pooper Bowl

this post is not going to be about how much I hate the packers. just wanted to start off by saying I do tho. hate them.

I have an appointment tomorrow for our taxes. crossing my fingers big time! Any of that money is for Ireland. Oh, hells yeah, I'm going to Ireland the end of March.

I have a cool idea, inspired by things going on recently in my life. Don't know if it would make a good book, but maybe a good movie. So, Flat, you and Brianne can rest assured, it is NOT about killing people. Inspired by my life, and I haven't been on a bloody rampage lately.

I just need to get pen to paper, or um... fingers to keyboard (?) and get it hammered out. Its about something that happens in my life "Every Two Weeks". That's what I'm calling it in my head as I think it out and try to work on it mentally. And no, Scott, it isn't sex!!

It's not as dark and scary as "Does it hurt?". Maybe that's because when I started that project, I was a teen and everything was dark and scary. The FBI doesn't give too much weight to psych evals on teens because they all profile as psychopaths... maybe that's how that little tale came out of me back then.

But this one, I could see going towards more romantic/comedy/drama. THAT describes my life right now. 3 reasons: I love my husband, he's a goof and I have teenagers. See? romance, comedy and drama...

And now to go back to compiling my 2010 life for the tax guy and cursing at the TV. goddam packers. hate.them.

First words

Ok, I have a theory, and I want to test it.

What's the first thing you say OUT LOUD in the morning? I suggest that the first words you say out loud in the morning say A LOT about the kind of person you are...

Now, for me, it's almost exactly the same thing every morning. See, I get up at 5am, quietly so as to not wake up the hubby. I put on my slippers sweatpants and open the bedroom door to release the dogs from our bedroom, where they sleep. Not on the bed, that's rude, but I digress...

Out in the dining room, I grab my jacket, it's winter in Minnesota, after all. Zip up, grab one of the kids' hats, if it's nearby, basically, bundle up...

I take them out the back door, light a cigarette, and open the gate into the back yard for them to go potty. I look at the stars (unless it's cloudy, which it has been quite a bit lately, again, digression!) and I smoke one cigarette. Takes about 5 minutes. At this point, I still have not said a word out loud. Lots of thoughts going through my head, thinking about my day, what's going on, what work will be like, if there's anything on the calendar for the afternoon, stuff like that.

When I finish my cigarette, I finally speak: "C'mon girls"
See, I'm done out there, it's cold, I want to go back in. They are usually dilly-dallying, playing in the snow, and of course, TCOB... but they're never ready when I am.

My first spoken words are those of impatience.
Patience is a virtue. A virtue I am not blessed with.

Now, I'd like anyone and everyone who reads this to think about it... first words you speak OUT LOUD most mornings... and does it "fit" you? I think it's sweet if someone out there says "I say "I love you" to the person next to me"... but sometimes, that's just not practical. Such is the case in my life. I get up at 5, hubby doesn't have to get up til after 6... I refuse to wake him up just to tell him I love him... he knows. But if y'all out there wake up together and exchange sweet nuthins first off, great, good for you... maybe a tinge of jealousy here, but whatever.

So, anyone else wanna share? Whatcha blabbin' first off? Does it describe you at all?

The last supper

um, let me finish:

The last supper we had here as a family, Thursday night was amazing!
We are a busy family, and to sit down all 5 of us together is rare. And for my 3 teens to sit in a room and NOT verbally abuse each other in the name of humor is even more rare.

Thursday was Veterans Day. JP had the day off, and I left work shortly after noon. nudge nudge, wink, wink.

ANYWAY... so I made pork chops,mashed potatoes and corn for supper. All the kids were there. We sat AT THE TABLE, with real plates, not paper and had a meal together.

Now, let me interrupt myself and say that, at times, I feel like the only adult in the family. I feel like I actually have 4 kids. One is just unusually big, and sleeps with me at night.

Back to the dinner table: We were doing the usual, "how was your day" "what did you do today?" when suddenly my husband blurts out (loudly) "...and I was like 'Emilio'!"

He quotes stupid lines from movies folks. Often. But he usually does it when it would fit into the conversations. Not this time.

Recognize the line? Said by Chris Katan. Or maybe it was Will Ferrell.
He watched Night at the Roxbury Thursday morning before I got home.

Of course, the kids recognized the reference, and burst into laughter. And then it became a contest of who could blurt it out best, or come up with the next line, or randomly blurt out some other movie line that would make everyone laugh.

I tried to maintain order, it IS my job. I gave a half-hearted effort to scold JP and get the kids back to eating their dinner. I didn't try too hard, I just had to make it LOOK like I was still in charge.

At one point, it went like this:

Me: JP, will you please quit getting them all
JP: EMIIIIIILIO!!!!
Kids: laughter
me... giving up. Let them go, they're having fun. So was I. Just watching them. Our family may have it's issues, problems with normal teenager things, but in the end, we can still sit down together and be us.

am I the only one?

who wonders "is this it? is this really what my life is?"

I know it's dumb to whine that. I know that if a person doesn't particularly like something, they have the power to change it. usually. It's not even that I don't like my life, I do. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my home and pets, I even love my minivan.

But part of me still wonders if I'm missing something. No, that's not even it, I KNOW I am missing something. I just don't know what it is. How can you miss something without even knowing what you're missing? It's just a feeling, or a lack of a feeling, like a void.

I just have a had time accepting that MY life is going to consist of working hard, working long hours, just to keep my head above water, just seems like all work and no play make nik... depressed.

And the stupid thing is, I did just have an uber-fun long weekend, and there's a small glimmer of hope attached to it.

Maybe I am just impatient (not 'maybe'... I AM impatient, I admit that) maybe I would never be fully happy, maybe I'm one of those 'grass is greener' idiots who, upon getting TO the greener grass, keeps looking and longing for greener grass. It's never enough, I am just that selfish?

I have a job, and I can go to it every stinkin' day, and because of that, I can pay bills, and I can live in the home that I love. I should shut up and be happy about that, so many people don't have that... but still....

Ok, I've played my own Devil's Advocate and I've tried to stop my whiny vent, or venti whine, depending on how you look at it, I guess.
I just needed to get it out of my head so that maybe I can go to sleep tonight when I turn out the light. Because, it starts all over again tomorrow, work and earn, spend and send. lather, rinse, repeat.

Oh hell, my life is a shampoo bottle.

FIRST time's a charm?

I've been pretty lucky in my life with firsts.

My first attempt at the speech competition, back in the 10th grade netted me a trip to State Competition.

My first 'real' (meaning it lasted more than 6 months!) boyfriend turned into my husband of over 17 years, still going strong.

My first wedding dress try-on was a perfect fit, a perfect dress. Never even looked at another, found the perfect one right away.

My first marriage... yeah, see the previous two 'firsts'... picked a winner right out of the gate.

My first child... a son, exactly what I wanted. Of course, he's not perfect, but he's exactly what I wanted in a kid... funny, sarcastic, smart, (usually) honest with me, he's a good kid, I actually LIKE him, as a person!

Yesterday I sent off my first draft of my manuscript to an agent. For the first time. I have heard horror stories of people sending off hundreds of queries, submitted to hundreds of agents, and getting hundreds of what I like to call "Loser Letters"... you know, those "thanks but no thanks" computer generated snubs...

Now, don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes all up on this one. Hell, I started the book so long ago (17 days short of 20 years actually! Yup, wrote those first words on my 18th birthday) that if I was really that nutso about getting my book published, I'd have been A LITTLE more 'on the ball'...

But I can't help but think about those wonderful firsts... and how selfish of me to wish for just.one.more.

Can you believe this crap?

got inspired to poke my head back in here.
Don't know how long it will last.
May just open a new home,
Hang my shingle a little farther down the road.
But I wanted to come by, say hello to the old place.

I miss Scott.
And Phil.
And Stephanie.
And I don't really miss Flat right now, since I'm sleeping in her spare bedroom.
I miss her blog though.

I got an idea for a new one.
Not so much geared for the hubby while he's away.
He's home now.
For good.
Good.

If I get it up and running, maybe I'll list it on here as a link.

I won't do it for a few days, got a long weekend going on here, having too much fun messing around in the humidity down 'round these parts.

When I get home to the birch trees and lakes and get back in my groove thang, maybe I will tell you about my long weekend...

I'm a quitter

No, not smoking.
No, not my great new job.

I called today and put in my notice with my little part time job. The every-other-weekend selling pull tabs. It's just not worth it. The paychecks are small, the tips are nonexistent (recession, anyone?) and it seems like I'm always saying "Aww, damn I have to work that weekend".

With holidays and Emma's hockey schedule, the winter isn't too great, and I KNOW the summer won't be any better. With my current "real" job's schedule, having 4 day weekends all the time, it will be a PITA having to work Saturdays and Sundays of half of those.

I guess I will see how hard it is to NOT have those little checks and those few bucks in tips... if it gets to be noticeably annoying to not have that, I can always look for something else.

In fact, one job I know I could probably fit in is stocking shelves at Menard's. They have a special shift working Mon-Fri only, 5 am to 9am. On Tues, Wed and Thurs, I could leave Menards and head to my bookkeeping job, and on Mondays and Fridays, I could go home, nap, if need be, and then get to my errands and other things that I always seem to have on my "day off" lists.

PLUS: working at Menards would give me an employee discount. Oh, those of you not in this region of the US don't know what Menards is... it's along the lines of Home Depot, Lowe's... huge home store. Everything from plumbing and electrical, to drywall and appliances. You could literally build a house from the dirt up at this place.

I don't know yet, I will wait and see how things go. So as of now, Dec 27th is my last day doing pull tabs, and I WILL be going to Emma's hockey tournament in January (it would have been my weekend to work)

Plus, ending it before the end of the year means that I won't have to dick with it on taxes next year at this time.
It's all about simplifying.
Next year's taxes: No pull tabs, no Guards. Just his job and my job. for now anyway.

nudge

got an email nudge this morning, made me remember my little blog. (Thanks Scott!)

I started this blog back when JP was deployed, and was really very good about posting on it, family updates and all, because from over in Iraq, he would read it and keep up on what we were doing back here at home without him.

After he got home, I slacked a bit, honeymoon stage, I'm sure, but also because it's hard to find time to blog. I always used to post at night before I went to bed, but I don't like to do that around him.

But I have a day off today, and so I have time alone to blog.

My mom is all moved out, she's settled in to her new house, it's a cute little house, perfect for her and her girls, Kate & Chloe.

I am really enjoying working my part time job, having Mondays and Fridays off has really come in handy, kids' appointments, grocery shopping, (CHRISTMAS shopping!) lots of different errands that I never had time for before, I can actually get done!

JP is about to retire from the Guards, he's got his 20 years in, and it's definitely time to get out, he's done a deployment to Bosnia, he did more than enough time in Iraq, and now there are whispers about Afghanistan. Before those whispers become orders, he will be out. I am very relieved.

Speaking of JP, he just called me, and now I've got an errand to run, so I better get going.

I should really try to do better with my posting...

One fourth of a dead cow, and sleep numbers

It's been an interesting few weeks.
JP and I got a call out of the blue, did we want in on a cow killing? HELL YEAH!

This guy knows a guy that JP works with, and through a friend of a friend type thing, we are getting a quarter of beef within the next week to 10 days. Of course, to accommodate this, we bought a chest freezer. Now, before the dead cow arrives, we have to finish the tool room, laundry room so that we can put the freezer down there, instead of the garage, still wrapped in cardboard, like the day we brought it home from Sears.

We also are LOVING our new bed. It's a Sleep Number from Select Comfort. JP is laying ON the bed at a firm 55. I am laying IN my side of the bed, at a cushy 30. It's as if my bed is hugging me, cradling me, not wanting me to leave it. And honestly, I don't want to.

But today is my day off and I cannot stay in bed all day. I've got a list of things to do, already got some of it done. The easy stuff, of course, and now it's time to get going on the P.I.T.A. stuff.

empty nesting!

things are changing around here. for the better.

my mom closes on her own house on december 3. she will be moving out after 3 years with us. it will be hard to get used to not having her here. but as i look around my house, i see something of hers, and realize that soon, it will be gone. that antique chair in the living room. the kennel (for chloe) in the laundry room. the ironing board. the many many rubbermaid tubs of her stuff thats been stored in the porch for 3 years. hell, the entire spare bedroom will be empty! jp and i already have plans for the room. too bad they are conflicting plans.

he wants to turn it into a game room for the kids, couch, tv, and the wii and playstation stuff. i say NO WAY IN HELL. i've seen the way these kids take care of their own stuff, and we just remodeled that room. it's beautiful and clean. i want to install some counters and lower kitchen style cabinets. i plan to use it as a scrapbooking room. that way i have a place to store my stuff and will be able to work on it whenever i want to.

along with my mom's stuff leaving, jp is getting close to ending his guards time... so that means all the camo crap will be gone soon, too.

most of the time i'm not a fan of change, but this kind of change is a welcome thing.

It happens in three's, right?

Wow, I hope bad dreams follow those rules. Bad dreams lately have been plaguing my nights.
I posted them here in reverse order, so as you scroll and read, they're in CORRECT order.

Just awful sad and freaky dreams.... enjoy... I guess!

Bad Dream 1

I walked into a little house, it was empty. Emma was standing up on a box in the middle of a room. Dining room, maybe. No furniture, so I don't know for sure. The sun was shining in the windows, and I could see a bush against the house, it was annoying because it kept banging on the window. As I walked up to Emma, I JUST KNEW (you know, how in dreams, you JUST KNOW stuff??) that she had killed her brother Eric.

I was absolutely distraught... I was so angry and sad at the same time, and I just screamed at her "How could you do that? He was your brother!"

And I remember slapping her. I could actually feel the sting on my hand.

Then I said "Why would you do that to me, don't you realize that he was my favorite"

"Hearing" myself say that was so shocking, I forced myself to wake up. I was damn near hyperventilating, and it just kept playing over and over again in my head.

Bad Dream 2

JP had a friend named Casey. In real life, he does not exist. In this dream, he was real, and a real nutjob. He came to visit us, and we lived in a pretty nice house. Our dining room had a glass ceiling and from there you could see the flat roof over the bedroom which served as a deck.

Somehow I knew (in my dream) and then got horrified and angry and (other such intense emotions here... ) because this guy had skinned my dogs alive. Hailey and Comet had apparently "spoken" to him, him being a bit of a psychic, of course, and told him that they were not happy.

So the reasonable thing to do, of course was to kill them. (???)

I woke up crying because of the last vision: This guy, up on the deck (I'm watching this from the dining room) hanging my dogs' skinned carcasses up on meat hooks.